Second Chances
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: Ever wish you could wake up with a completely new life? Samantha Collins did, and it happened, but it's turning out to be more dangerous than she could have dreamed.
1. Chapter 1

Samantha ran around the corner, breathing deeply. She needed to find some new hiding spots, they were always finding her. Samantha Collins had spent nearly every year of her sixteen-year-old life running from bullies. Sometimes, there were new faces in the crowd of her oppressors, but often, they were the same familiar, cruel laughs of her usual tormentors. Today was one of those strange days. For some reason, Tami Kitchens though Samantha had slept with her boyfriend, and that was odd, because Samantha had never even kissed a boy.

It's not that she was ugly. Samantha had actually grown into quite a beautiful young woman; she just never had the time for boys. She was more interested in maths and literature, and the boys didn't seem to mind that she never paid them any attention, so that had always been one of the few happy balances in her life. Her sister had been the one who was the boy magnet, and that was just fine.

If she could just crouch here until free period was over, just three more minutes until the bell sounded her freedom, everything would be fine until tomorrow. Samantha could hear heavy footsteps headed in her direction and she held her breath, praying they wouldn't find her. She had hidden here from Timmy Jacobs last week, but Tami had been ill that day. Maybe she wouldn't think to look here.

Suddenly, a pair of brown eyes was staring maliciously down at her, and they just happened to be in the face of no other than Tami Kitchens.

"Well, well, slut, looks like your hiding spot failed you. Anything you'd like to say before I give you the pounding you deserve?"

Samantha took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry that you think I would do such an awful thing, Tami, but I swear I've never even spoken to your boyfriend."

"Yeah, right, you lying bitch!" the enraged girl snarled, grabbing Samantha by her auburn hair and slamming her back against the brick wall she had been leaning on. The world started spinning. Samantha could feel blood trickling warmly through her hair, she could see the shapes and colors in front of her spinning into a whirl of shades and blackness, and could hear Tami's cold, cruel laughter as her mind numbed to nothingness.

"Sami?" someone kept repeating urgently from somewhere over her. Nobody called her that. It was always Samantha, or Sam. It was a boy's voice, urgent and panicked, and hands were shaking her gently. Her eyes flickered open and the world came back into focus, but it wasn't the scene she had just left. A handsome boy about her age who she had never seen before, but looked so familiar, was shaking her and staring down at her with worried gray eyes. She was outside, but she was laying on grass, not on concrete. There was no brick wall, though her hair was still full of blood. And she wasn't wearing her school uniform, she was wearing clothes she had never seen before.

"Oh, my god, Sami, I'm so sorry!" said the boy. "This is all my fault. Are you okay? Say something, please. Oh, god, Remus is going to kill me!"

"Who are you?" she muttered, trying to place him.

He groaned.

"No, no, please, you have to remember me. I'm Sirius, remember? You like to use me as a punching bag when you're angry."

She frowned, which made her head hurt.

"Sirius?" She looked up into his expectant eyes and suddenly something clicked. Those books she had read growing up. "Sirius Black?"

He grinned. "Oh, thank god, you remember me. Ugh, you're bleeding everywhere. Remus is going to kill me."

"Remus?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, you know, Remus Lupin. You've only been dating him for the last year."

Uh-oh. She was in the world of her books, where she didn't belong, but somehow, she did. They knew her, and she had a life there. She had a _boyfriend_.

"I don't feel so good," she admitted. "What happened?"

"Well, I, uh," he said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "I sort of told Snivellus to go through the passage under the Whomping Willow. I didn't think he'd do it. Anyway, you and James rushed down here to stop him, to stop Remus from killing him, and you got hit by the willow and James managed to pull Snivellus back and save his life. They're in the hospital wing now. I should probably take you. Are you okay to move?"  
She tried to sit up, but her head began spinning again and she whimpered in pain. He looked really upset.

"I'll go get a teacher. Don't move."

As if she could have moved. If not for the pain of her, well, whatever had just happened, the shock of what was going on hitting her like a ton of bricks was enough to stun anyone into not moving. Sirius was back quite quickly, with two adults close behind him.

"Oh, Miss Collins!" said the woman in the bottle-green robes, her hair in a tight bun. "How do you feel?"

Samantha shrugged.

"Not exactly wonderful," she admitted.

"Well, let, me heal that cut for you, and we'll levitate you to the hospital wing."

What? Levitate her? Heal? Right, she was in the book world, there was magic. Suddenly, the blood stopped leaving her scalp, which closed up, and she felt herself floating off the ground, heading in the direction of the castle with the three people surrounding her. They went inside the stone castle, up a marble staircase, and off toward a room with white cots that really did look something like a hospital. Inside was another boy her age with messy black hair, and one on a cot nearby with greasy locks and a hooked nose. The messy-haired boy said, "Remus is going to kill you, Sirius."

"I know," said Sirius sadly as they levitated Samantha to a cot next to the other boy.

"If she has any lingering scars, issues, or injuries from this…"

"I get it James!" snapped Sirius. "I screwed up! It was stupid. Remus is already never going to forgive me, and I don't need this from you right now. I'm freaking out. Did you see her hair? Can you see how much blood she lost? That's my fault! She couldn't move, James, she was in too much pain. That's my fault too! I deserve to be expelled for this."

The other boy softened his hazel eyes, full of pity.

"You're right, Sirius, it's your fault, but I think Remus will forgive you eventually, particularly if Samantha does, and she always does."

"What if she doesn't this time?" said Sirius in a low voice. "I don't really deserve to be forgiven, especially by her. I could have killed her."

"Well," said James, "I think the one you've really got to worry about is Snivellus, especially since he was the actual intended target."

"Oh, don't make me feel worse, James. I'm not sure that's even possible."

"I forgive you," said Samantha softly from the bed. The two boys spun around and looked at her, pausing only a moment before rushing to her side.

"What?" said Sirius. "Are you okay, Sami? How do you feel?"

"I forgive you," she said, still very soft. "I'm not mad, even though I don't really remember what you did."

James frowned.

"Is she okay? How hard did she get hit?"

"Out of the way, boys," said a woman sharply in a nurse-like outfit. "Miss Collins needs to be properly examined. It's probably best if you wait outside so that I don't get distracted."

They looked about to protest, but then Sirius considered Samantha for a moment and nodded, grabbing James by the arm and dragging him out of the infirmary kicking and screaming.

The woman examined her and asked her a series of questions, most of which she simply didn't know the answer to. They were simple things, like where do you live, what classes you are taking, and what was for dinner last night but she just didn't know. She knew where she lived in her own world, she knew what classes she took at her own school, and she knew at least what her mother called what they had for dinner last night, if not what it was made of, though she knew none of this knowledge applied to the world she was now in.

Then the woman sighed deeply, asked her if she was tired, and Samantha nodded, rolling over, curling her eyes and trying to fall asleep. However, she wasn't yet asleep when Madam Pomfrey, as James greeted the woman, let the two boys back in to the infirmary and talked with them in low tones about the conversation.

"She's all right physically, but she's suffering mentally."

"What do you mean?" hissed Sirius urgently. "Is she in shock?"

"That may be a part of it, but mostly it's from the force of the impact, and it's not something one can heal. She's suffering from amnesia. She knows her name, she seems to know your names, but she doesn't remember anything about her life. She can talk, she knows how to do what basic things I have observed, but she doesn't know anything about who she is or where she is. She may be quite a different person, and it may never reverse itself."

"Oh, Remus's going to kill me."

"Well," said James, "what do we do?"

"Just treat her as normally as possible, but if she reacts strangely, or doesn't know how to act or what to do, you need to be patient with her, remind yourselves that this is the way she is now and it's not her fault, and then help her through it. I'm afraid that's all that can be done."

"Can we stay with her?" whispered Sirius, so softly that Samantha almost didn't hear it.

"Only if you're quiet and you leave her alone. She needs rest."

She heard the boys sitting down next to her, both perfectly silent. Perhaps they were both so in shock at the news they had just gotten that there was nothing left to say. For some reason, she got the idea that neither of them particularly would like being silent. Eventually, she fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, but was awakened the next day by furious shouts.

"I can't believe you, Sirius!" cried a voice she hadn't heard.

"I'm sorry, Moony, I'm so, so sorry. I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am and if I had the chance to do it over, this would never have happened. I'm such an idiot. I know you'll never forgive me, but Sami forgave me yesterday before she fell asleep."

"Yeah, before she got examined and you all realized she _forgot who she is_! How could you? You've ruined her life, Sirius, forever, and you're lucky you didn't end it."

"God, I'm sorry, Moony! I don't know what else to say!"

Was Sirius crying? It sure sounded that way. Samantha's eyes flickered open and she looked up at the bed next to her. A sandy-haired boy was lying there with cuts, bruises, and a sling around his arm, glaring daggers at Sirius. This must be Remus, her boyfriend.

"Can you imagine," said Remus, dangerously soft, "how I would have felt if the tree hadn't knocked her out of the way and I had woken up in the hospital wing this morning to find that I had _eaten_ my girlfriend because of your stupidity? Her parents already hate me, Sirius, I don't need this. I really don't!"

Sirius flinched.

"Remus," she whispered.

The sandy-haired boy yelped with surprise and looked over at her, his eyes pleading. He was hoping she remembered him.

"Remus, please don't be mad at him," she said. "I'm okay."

"But you don't remember anything," cried Remus. "You're not okay, you're not you anymore!"

"Remus, please, I've forgiven him. I'm alive. He didn't mean to. It's okay, really."

It looked as though the sandy-haired boy was crying, but he turned his head a little, as though he didn't want her to see.

"I may not be the me you knew," she said honestly, "but I'm still here, and that's good, right?"

He nodded, but he didn't seem to really agree with her. He seemed to want to punch Sirius in the face still, but instead, he held out his good hand to Sirius, who shook it, relieved.

"Good, now if you boys are done being silly, I'm going back to sleep."

The next morning, Samantha wondered what this strange place she was in was, and what would be expected of her here. She knew what this world was like in her books, but she had never contemplated that this would become her reality, and so she never really thought on the expectations upon a person in a place like this. After all, her boyfriend had been genuinely worried that he might have eaten her, and that was certainly strange, stranger in fact than the mere fact of her having a boyfriend.

Her boyfriend was still asleep in the hospital bed next to her, but the boy on the other side was awake. He was sneering at her.

"So I hear you lost your memory, Collins."

There was venom in his voice, unmistakable venom. This boy was her enemy, they didn't like each other. But she couldn't recall his name.

"So maybe I did," she said.

He sneered at her. For some reason, that sneer made her want to leap over to his bed and strangle him, but she didn't have the energy for that, so she merely glared back.

"That's too bad. Your little puppy seems upset."

Samantha frowned. She has a dog? Why hasn't she met this dog before? The boy just laughed at her confused expression.

"I mean your boyfriend, over there, the werewolf," his sneer deepened. "Oh, Merlin, you don't remember _anything_, do you?"

Ah, yes, the boyfriend who was afraid of eating her. She had momentarily forgotten about that. The gleeful tone at her condition made her furious.

"I don't see why you're so happy," she snapped. "I've already figured out we hate each other."

Samantha couldn't believe she had actually just spoken to another human being like that. It felt good. No, it felt really, really good.

The door to the hospital wing opened and James was there, smiling.

"Good morning, Sam. Moony still asleep, I see? Well, I'll just put his things next to his bag. He'll be here another night, for sure." The black-haired boy glared at the hook-nosed boy. "I'm going to take you back to the common room, Sam. Are you ready to go?"

She nodded and climbed out of bed.

"What's wrong, Potter, afraid she'll lose her way?"

"Shut it, Snivellus. I shouldn't have saved your life. I should have stayed in the dormitory and maybe then she'd be okay."

That was quite a venomous statement, Samantha thought, but James didn't seem to mean it, despite how much he really did seem to hate this boy. They were positively glaring daggers through each other.

"Come on, Sam. Remus would be furious for me getting detention when I was supposed to be picking you up."

Samantha nodded and followed the boy out of the infirmary, taking one last look at the sandy-haired boy who was still sleeping. She tried to memorize that scarred face. James led her down corridors, up staircases, and even through tapestries until they finally came to a halt in front of a large portrait of a very fat lady in a gaudy pink silk dress.

"Firewhisky," he said, and the portrait swung open, revealing a cozy common room with couches, armchairs, and tapestries. Sirius was there, on the couch, frantically doing some bit of homework.

"I've got her, Sirius," said James.

Sirius leapt to his feet, knocking his homework to the ground as he spun around to face them.

"Oh my god, Sami!" he said, rushing to her side and hugging her. "How do you feel?"

"Like I can't breathe," she said dryly, and he promptly loosened his hold.

"Sorry," he said, embarrassed. "I was just worried about you. The fate of my future children rested in your health."

What?

"I thought I was dating Remus, I'm confused."

James roared with laughter and Sirius turned an attractive shade of purple.

"No! No, you're dating Remus. I just meant if you weren't okay he'd castrate me. You're definitely dating Remus!"

Attractive? Had she thought his blush was attractive? It was bloody maddening. It should be a crime to look, and smell, that good.

"Okay," she said with a shrug. "Where do I sleep, I'm tired."

James laughed again.

"Sam," he said, "you've practically slept three days straight. How can you possibly be tired?"

"I'll get Lily," said Sirius, ignoring the totally lack of logic in her being tired. "She can give you a tour, Sami."

As Sirius ran up the stairs to retrieve Lily, Samantha turned to James and said, "Who's Lily?"

She then was instructed that Lily was obviously a demi-goddess, because there wasn't a human being who possibly encompassed all of the wonderful traits James had just described. She also figured from this that James was dating Lily, which he never said outright, but it was what she got from the long rant about Lily's perfect looks.

Actually, that part of the rant wasn't far off. The girl was truly beautiful. Her auburn hair and almond-shaped green eyes were a stunning combination. The pretty girl smiled and Samantha with a graceful, pretty smile. She must be one of the popular girls. She must not be a friend of Samantha, and she was just being nice because their boyfriends were close.

"Hey, Sam! I'm so glad you're okay. I visited you earlier, but Remus said you had been sleeping most of the day. Let me take you up to your bed, Sirius said you're tired."

As the redhead led her upstairs, Samantha asked that awkward question which had been plaguing her mind since she had met her.

"Are we friends?"

Lily looked at her with sad eyes, which Samantha was getting used to. After all, she supposedly had a severe case of amnesia.

"Sam, you're my best friend in the whole world."

Samantha suddenly felt that she was really, really going to like this new life in the book world, even if she did have severe amnesia and a boyfriend capable of eating her. It was an improvement from having her head bashed into a brick wall.


	2. Who Was I?

The hardest part about her "amnesia" was that Samantha hadn't been a witch in her actual life, so classes were more than difficult. They were impossible. She had absolutely no idea what to do, what anyone was talking about, and Lily fast realized that she would have to work after classes to bring her friend back up to speed in all her subjects. The teachers were sympathetic, but they couldn't spend their time reteaching her everything she was already supposed to know while the other students were ready to move on.

The one thing Lily didn't feel comfortable reteaching Samantha was Transfiguration. It wasn't the redhead's best subject, and it didn't matter, because Sirius insisted on teaching her that. Helping her start over was like his way of apologizing. They met up in the library almost every day to go over the subject, work on her homework, and practice.

"Sami, I don't really know how else to explain it," Sirius said, frustrated. "I mean, you just have to know! You used to be so good at this."

He looked so sad and guilty that all she wanted to do was hug him, if she wasn't so frustrated with her abysmal performance at Transfiguration.

"Look," sighed Samantha, "I can't figure this out if all you can do is sit there and feel guilty. I know Remus put you up to this as a way of earning forgiveness, and I can ask him to have James do it, if you'd rather, because I know you're uncomfortable. I'll make him forgive you, if that's what you need."

"No," said Sirius, sighing. "No, Sami, you don't have to worry about me. I really do want to do this. I just have to pull myself together a little bit. Almost losing you was really, really scary for me."

"You don't have to lie to me, Sirius," she whispered shyly. "It's okay."

"What do you think I'm lying about?" he said, looking confused. "I really do want to do this. And that was really the scariest thing of my life, seeing you sprawled out on the grass, bleeding out of your head like it was the newest fashion. I swear to god, I thought I'd just blown it big. I thought you were dead or dying, and that was terrifying."

"Why, though?" she said, sounding far more brave and assertive than she had ever thought possible. "You're Sirius Black! You're dashing, you're popular, and you've got more money than you know what to do with. You don't need me."

"Are you kidding me?" cried Sirius, which earned him an angry look from Madam Pince, the librarian. He lowered his voice and said, "Sami, you're everything. When I got really sick my second year, you skived off all your classes to sit with me in the hospital wing and tell me jokes to make me feel better. But you didn't know any, so you had James and Remus make you a list and borrowed a book from Fabian Prewett before you came to see me, and you didn't have time to memorize them, so you just read them to me and you laughed before you even read the punch line half the time, and you messed it up the other half, but it made me feel so much better. And then in our third year, when James started professing his love to Lily Evans and you started dating Remus, you refused to let me and Peter feel left out, so you wrote us each a Valentine every morning for two whole months and gave them to us at breakfast. And in fourth year when that idiot who I call my best friend accidentally pushed me out of a second-story window and I broke my arm, you took notes for me for a week, even though Madam Pomfrey mended it in about three seconds. Sami, you're so sweet and carrying and fun and Remus is madly in love with you, and I need you. I really do. If you died, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

Samantha didn't know what to say to that at all. He had just said he needed her. He just told her someone was in love with her, and madly, of all things. He had just told her all these wonderfully sweet stories about a life she didn't even remember. What if she wasn't that same girl he felt he needed so badly? Suddenly, Samantha felt guilty. She began to cry.

"Sami, please don't cry," Sirius whispered, hugging her to him so that her tears were soaked up in his chest. "Please, you're too pretty to cry. Your eyes will be all puffy when we go and see Remus and he'll think I hurt you or something stupid like that. He's looking for a reason to rescind his forgiveness of me. Please, Sami, I don't like to see you like this."

With a sniff, Samantha wiped her eyes and looked up at Sirius, who looked incredibly worried.

"I'm sorry. I just feel awful. Why are you looking at me like that, Sirius?"

"I – it's just…" He frowned. "Well, I mean, you never cry. That kind of freaked me out."

She frowned back.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I just feel horrible."

"How so? Maybe I can help?"

"Well," she said, choosing her words carefully, "I just don't remember who I am, or who I was supposed to be, and you telling me all those things made me worry that I can't be that girl you think you need. What if you never get her back? I would feel horrible."

"Sami," he whispered, as though he had thought of this prospect dozens of times and hadn't wanted to think of it again, "we're going to love you no matter who you turn out to be now. But I have faith that you'll be exactly what we all need you to be, because that's who you are, love. I have faith that my stupid mistakes didn't change that. I hope I'm right."

Remus stalked over and saw her crying and she felt instantly guilty again. Would Remus be mad she was crying?

"Sam?" he said, worried. "Is everything okay?"

She shook her head.

"I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed, Remus, it's fine. I think I just need a bit of a break.

"Well," he said, giving Sirius a suspicious look, "it's dinner in a few minutes, I thought I'd walk you down, if that's okay."

"Of course!" said Samantha, gathering her books, essays and notes and shoving them into her bag, squeezing Sirius's wrist as a silent thank-you. He seemed to have gotten the message because as they were walking out of the library he gave her a comforting smile.

When they got to the Great Hall, Samantha followed Sirius and went to sit next to him, expecting Remus to sit next to her, but she felt Remus stop, his hand still holding hers. She turned around to see him frowning.

"Sam, we sit on the other side of the table. I thought I told you that already?"

She frowned. Had he?

"I – I forgot. We do?"

Remus looked a little worried, but she followed him across the table from Sirius and frowned down at her plate.

"I thought we were over there."

"No, love," said Remus, with a worried voice. "We sit over here. That's the third time this week you've tried to sit by Sirius."

"And you said my animal magnetism would never effect your girl," said Sirius with a cheeky grin. Remus, however, didn't find this funny. In fact, he was still so angry at Sirius that Samantha was sure he was going to throw himself across the table at his once-best-friend.

"Boys, please!" said Samantha frantically. "It's just going to take me some time to figure out my routines and stuff again. Please, don't make this into a bigger deal than it is."

"Sam, if that idiot hadn't lost his temper you wouldn't be like this right now! You'd be safe and normal and happy and I don't know how you can forgive him for doing this to you and then act like it was all an accident!"

"But it _was_ an accident," she said softly, soothing Remus with her hand petting his neck. She was surprised at how natural that felt. "He never meant for me to get hurt, and he already feels terrible without you bringing it up every time you're around him. Please, Remus, just forget how I got this way and can we focus just on how to make me better? Please?"

Remus closed his eyes, seemingly calmed by the rhythm of her hand on his neck. He let out a long, deep sigh.

"You used to do that," he whispered, eyes still closed. "You haven't petted me like this in years."

"Stopped when you started shagging," said James through the roll in his mouth. Remus's eyes flew open and Samantha squeaked in surprise.

"WHAT?" she said in a loud whisper. "We're doing _what_?"

"James is kidding," said Remus with a snarl, "and it's not funny!"

"Oh, I don't know," said James dryly. "I thought it was pretty funny, and the old Sam would have, too. She would have been rolling on the floor."

"This isn't the old Sam, James," hissed Remus agitatedly. "You can't just keep going on like nothing happened. You just scared the hell out of her, you numbskull!"

In truth, he had shaken her a bit. Samantha had thought he was serious, that she was actually sleeping with Remus Lupin before her accident. It was strange enough that she had a boyfriend. She had been worried that this Samantha from the world of Hogwarts would maybe be the type that would have done such a thing that had gotten her unjustly attacked in her own world, her real world. But clearly, she wasn't which made Samantha breathe easier. Sirius looked at her thoughtfully, but didn't say anything.

Just then, she felt a hand on her back and Sirius's expression grew sour as he turned back to his roll. Samantha's whole body tensed as Remus gripped her hand protectively. Who was this person her friends were glaring at, who dared to touch her shoulder?

"Miss Collins," said an oily voice. "I see you've… recovered."

"Bugger off, Avery," said James bitterly.

"Oh, Potter, how impolite. Have you forgotten my history with Miss Collins? I feel like I have a stake in her well-being."

"Your parents' attempts to arrange a marriage aren't what I would call a history, Avery," said Sirius lazily, taking a large, indulgent bite of his roll. How did that boy manage to make eating rolls look like the most erotic thing on the planet? Samantha blinked. Had that thought really just gone through her head? Perhaps the brain damage from the accident was worse than they had thought.

"Miss Collins and I have a history beyond that, or has she not told you?"

Samantha didn't like the sound of that voice. Remus's eyes widened, looking at her, pleading, as if begging her to say it wasn't true. Sirius's eyes narrowed. James turned red, like he was ready to hex someone, and Peter put his head down, looking at his plate as if he wanted to disappear. What was going on?

"Sami?" said Sirius.

"I – I don't remember," she whispered, which was true. She didn't even know who this boy was.

"Clever, Avery," said James, "bringing up a supposed history when she's suffered an accident that would cause her to be unsure if any such thing took place. Why don't you just go away and do us all a favor by jumping off the Astronomy Tower?"

"James," said Remus in a warning tone, shaking his head slightly. He didn't want a fight.

"I'll leave for now, Potter," said the voice behind her head, "but I'm not letting this injury keep me from what's rightfully mine. Miss Collins' parents would be much more willing to have her with me than the likes of Lupin here, in light of what's to come. Keep that in mind."

And with that, the hand removed itself from her shoulder and the glares followed the voice until its owner left the Great Hall. As soon as the coast was clear, they all looked at each other, as though begging the others for some sort of proof this wasn't true.

"Peter?" said Sirius, concerned. "You look like you're going to be sick."

"Um," said Peter, his voice unnaturally high and cracking. "I have some bad news."

Remus gripped Samantha's wrist even tighter.

"What?" asked James crisply. "Spit it out, Pete, we need to know what we're dealing with."

"Sam was, um, having a, um, secret relationship with Avery before her, uh, accident. I didn't want to say anything, Remus, but I didn't expect her to lose her memory. I was hoping something would happen to end the whole situation."

Peter looked like he was truly going to be sick and the boys all looked at Samantha with a mix of horrified and shocked expressions, as though she was a monster they were just seeing for the first time.

"I'm sure there's a reason…" said Peter, his voice trailing off, worried.

Remus dropped her arm as though it had just burned him.

"I – I don't know!" said Samantha desperately, burying her face in her hands so she didn't have to look at all of those accusing faces. Had she really done such a horrible thing? "I can't believe I would… Oh, my god, but I don't know! I don't even know who I am!"

She began to cry and Remus hugged her.

"Well, love, I still love you," he whispered, though his voice was less sure of itself than it had been in the whole of her memory. "Peter, are you positive you saw them together?"

Peter nodded, though doing so made him look as though he was about to gag right there at the table. "Um, multiple times, Moony. I'm so sorry. Sam doesn't remember, though, so maybe we can just go on like it didn't happen?"

"Who – who am I supposed to trust?" she whispered. "Who is he? Why would my parents want me to marry him?" She was just a kid. Why was she having marriages arranged for her already?

"They wouldn't," spat Sirius. "I know your parents, and they hate the Avery's, but he's referring to Moony's condition. He thinks that because Moony isn't your parents' first choice due to his furry little problem, they'll take him as the only other option. He hexes any guy who even looks at you. Anyone else would be too scared to step up and take an interest."

"I doubt he has to work all that hard," she snorted.

Remus frowned.

"Sam, you're beautiful. You're the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts."

"Second," chimed in James with an apologetic smile.

"Whatever, James," said Remus. "My point is, before Avery decided he wanted you, there was a line of guys hoping we'd break up. Why would you think that about yourself?"

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I mean, there's nothing really special about me."

The boys exchanged dark looks. Apparently the Samantha they knew was full of confidence and would never say such things about herself. How very odd. Samantha wondered if she could be that person. She doubted it.

"Sami," said Sirius, "you're a beautiful, talented, fun, and might I add, charming witch. You're probably the most special girl I've ever met–" ("Second!" cried James) " – and don't you dare ever say differently. If I ever hear you saying a negative word about yourself again, I'm going to consider it a personal insult to my judgment, and I have the most expert opinion of females of any guy in this whole school, so you bloody well better listen!"

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"And now I have to ask, Sirius, were you in that line? What makes you such an expert on my girl?"

"Just because she's yours doesn't mean she's off limits to look at," said Sirius with a wave, dismissing Remus's concerns. "I'd never make a move on her. She's off limits, but you can't stop me from being human. Peter leers at her all the time."

Peter blushed, but Remus seemed to take this as a good point and shrugged, finishing his roll.

"Well, I think it's time for homework, love. Are you done with dinner?"

Samantha nodded numbly, taking Remus's hand and allowing him to help her to her feet. She could see a boy leering her from the Slytherin table. That must be Avery. He blew kisses at her and she had a sudden feeling of dread in her stomach. His cronies were laughing at her surprised and disturbed reaction, clutching at Remus's arm as he led her back to the Gryffindor common room. That look, those eyes, like someone who knew her well enough to see through to her soul without effort. Had seen really cheated on Remus with someone who seemed so vile and distasteful? Who was this Samantha?

She curled up in Remus's arms by the fireplace, their homework abandoned. Somehow, it felt a little off, like she didn't belong with this person who was holding her, but everyone knew she and Remus belonged together. That's what they had told her. Samantha just told herself that the awkwardness was a result of not knowing the nature of the relationship, not having a memory of how to behave with boys in these types of relationships. She could barely even remember having a guy as a friend. This seemed as though it would probably be one of those things she would have to ask Lily about.

When the fire had nearly burnt out and the common room was nearly empty, Remus kissed her forehead softly and whispered, "Okay, Sam, it's time for bed. I'll see you in the morning, love."

She nodded and trudged up the stairs, looking back to see him watching her with a smile from the door of his dormitory. With a smile back, she turned and headed to her own dormitory. There was so much going on at once, and she was finding it harder than she had anticipated, piecing back together the girl they thought she was.


	3. Discovering My Life

Remus couldn't protect her, but he sure tried. Samantha had learned quickly that the friendship of the Marauders also allowed them to become the world's most intense bodyguards when the occasion called for it, and they had obviously decided that the occasion had called for it. The Slytherins were treating her like prey, waiting for her to be alone, and always sulking away when they saw that there was a Marauder right next to her. Whenever Remus couldn't be with her, his second choice was always Sirius, knowing that the boy's guilt would tie him to the task more strongly than the loyalty of his other friends, and Samantha wished he wouldn't. It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Sirius. Quite the contrary.

She was falling for him.

The problem was that on top of her hating that Remus was holding Sirius's guilt over his head incessantly, she felt guilty that she was starting to enjoy her boyfriend's friend a little too much. Samantha was starting to daydream about Sirius, his smile, his eyes, the way his hair fell on his face, his gentle hands and his smooth voice. She saw him with other girls, the suave way he charmed every one without ever feeling a thing for them. If Samantha hadn't known he didn't care about them, she would have wanted to be one of them. But she didn't want that, because she wanted to be cared about, and Sirius obviously wasn't capable of that, and she had Remus. Remus cared about her.

Her biggest problem, however, was the Slytherins. She wasn't sure if she had or hadn't cheated on her boyfriend, but she knew she didn't want to do it again. Mostly, she was safe, but one day she discovered the dangers of walking the castle alone with a target on your back. Samantha had slipped away from James while he was napping in the library to go to the toilet. She didn't feel right waking him. Bit mistake.

On her way back to the library, she could fell a hand wrap around her wrist, and the owner of the hand in question pulled her off to a broom cupboard and shoved her in, closing the door behind him, standing between her and the door so that she couldn't get out.

"Hello, pet," said the Slytherin, whose voice she recognized all too well, the boy she supposedly cheated on her boyfriend with. "I'm glad to see you without those pathetic bodyguards that loser has following you around. I knew you couldn't stay away from me long."

"I – I'm sorry for whatever I may have done, but I don't remember it, and it won't happen again," she said, sounding far braver than she felt.

"I don't think you quite understand, Samantha," he muttered in her ear, pushing her roughly against the wall of the broom cupboard. "I don't care what memories you've lost, you belong to me. You are my reward, and the Dark Lord will make sure I have you. The mutt can do what he wants, but you're mine. Remember that, pet."

"W-what do you mean?" she whimpered as his fingers began to push off her robes.

"What do you think I mean, pet? You're mine. I would have thought that was obvious. You were less reluctant when I told you before."

"I – I was?"

Samantha had a hard time believing that she would have been okay with being looked at as a possession, but perhaps the Samantha she had been was okay with that sort of thing. After all, she had always been one to avoid conflict. Maybe this was her way of keeping her head down?

"Of course, pet. In fact, you rather wanted it, as I recall. No, undo my belt."

"Y-your what?"

"Did I stutter, pet?"

"No."

"Then do as I say."

Unsure of what to do, knowing there was no way to run away, she undid his belt with shaking hands. What was happening? In all her times of running away from bullies, she had never been so scared.

"Good girl," he breathed, smelling her hair before forcing his hand up her skirt. She cried out in surprise and discomfort, trying to squirm away, but he was too strong. He held her tightly against the wall. "Now, now," he muttered. "It won't do to struggle, darling, I'm afraid no one could hear your screams if you tried that either. It's just you and me and we're not leaving until you give me what I want. Believe me," he added in a coo, "you'll want it too."

"Please," she whimpered, knowing she didn't want to be here, realizing James would be worried. "Please, James is looking for me, let me go."

"No!" he said, ripping down her panties. "He won't be able to find us, don't worry pet. It's just you and me. Now hold still. There's a good girl."

Samantha had frozen. She had given up struggling. She didn't want to get hurt again. Madam Pomfrey told her if she suffered another severe head injury, she might not wake up. So instead, she just stood there, trying to disconnect her mind from what was happening as silent tears rolled down her cheek. A lot of awful things had happened in the life of Samantha Collins, but rape had not been among them. She thought this new Samantha Collins life would be better, but so far it was turning out to be worse. How would she be able to look Remus in the eye?

Just then, she heard voices outside the door.

"Sam, open the door!"

It was Remus.

"HELP!" she shrieked, but then she realized they couldn't hear her. There was a maniacal glint in the eye of her attacker and she began to sob again. They knew where she was, but she couldn't even cry out for help. She was doomed. It was too late, anyway. Her rescuers had come too late.

"You belong to me, pet," he whispered in her ear as the door blasted open. James, Remus, Sirius and Peter were standing there with an old piece of parchment and their wands out.

"Please," she sobbed, "please help me!"

Remus's face looked shocked. He must have thought he would find her cheating on him, not her being raped. Sirius was livid. He forgot all about his wand and yanked her attacker off her, pulling into the corridor where he began grappling him in the Muggle style, wands forgotten.

"Thought you could have a go at her because she can't remember anything? Thought you'd try for her because she was weak? You bloody piece of filth! I'll teach you to touch what's not yours!"

Sirius was clearly not thinking straight. He was pounding into the Slytherin with such vigor it was amazing he hadn't broken his hand. The Slytherin simply smirked.

"But she is mine. She's my prize. She's been promised to me. She doesn't have a choice, but I'm sure she'll warm up to the idea."

That was it. Sirius lost it all together, and suddenly remembered his wand.

"If you don't go right now," he whispered dangerously, "I'll hex off all your future children, and their escape route. Got it?"

A flicker of fear ran across Samantha's attacker's face and he nodded, grabbing his robes, wand, and running as fast as he could from the scene of the crime. Sirius took a few deep, calming breaths, and then turned back to the broom cupboard, where a sobbing Samantha was being held by a stunned Remus.

"I'm so sorry, James," she sniffed. "I thought I'd let you sleep. I only had to go to the toilet. I didn't think it would be a problem. I – I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's all right, Sami," said Sirius softly. "We don't blame you. Just… just let us protect you from now one, okay?"

She nodded sadly as he knelt down in front of her with a pained look on his face, gazing down at the blood trailing down her leg grotesquely.

"Did you fight back?"

She shrugged.

"I tried, but I was scared he'd hurt my head again, and you know what Madam Pomfrey said about that."

Sirius nodded darkly.

"Good girl."

She shuddered at those words and began to sob again, and he realized that he must have hit a nerve and he petted her softly as James used some quick spells to clean her up and roughly mend her robe, which had torn in the conflict.

"Shh, don't worry, Sami," whispered Sirius. "We're right here. Nothing's going to hurt you, okay? I'm not going to let him touch you again; I swear it on my life."

"We need to take her to Madam Pomfrey," said Remus, petting her gently. "Help me with her, Sirius, please."

"Of course," said Sirius, leaning down carefully to lift her to her feet. She winced in pain. She was sore and tired and she grasped Sirius's shirt as he lifted her, her legs too weak to support her. Samantha could have smacked herself for the pathetic whimper that escaped her lips at the rush of pain that overtook her. His eyes filled with worry as he scooped her up in his arms completely. "Oh, my god, Sami, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"

She nodded weakly into his chest, trying to hold back the tears.

"Okay," he whispered. "Remus, I'm going to carry her like this, her legs are too weak, and I don't want to risk hurting her more by handing her over to you."

"That's fine," said Remus, the same worried look on his face as he petted her hair. "Let's just get her to the hospital wing, and fast. She's started bleeding again."

Samantha was horrified. She wasn't strong enough to use her own legs. She was bleeding all over the robes of the boy who was carrying her. She didn't even have the mental fortitude to speak. She just wanted to crawl into a corner and die. The walk to the hospital wing seemed to take far longer than it should have as she shook convulsively in Sirius's arms, with the occasional thought of how natural his arms felt around her skimming across her mind, but never lingering. She was Remus's, and right now she couldn't think of anything except of how stupid she had been to slip out on James.

Suddenly, they were in the hospital wing and Sirius was gently laying her down on one of the beds while Remus explained her state to Madam Pomfrey, who was eyeing the blood dripping down her legs with horror. Sirius petted her and made calming noises as she almost started crying again, but she continued to grasp his shirt. She didn't want to let go. She didn't want to feel alone.

Madam Pomfrey checked her over, the whole time Samantha was sobbing into Sirius's chest, clutching his shirt. She had a notion that Remus was standing helplessly by, wanting to do something, wanting to fix it, but not knowing what to do. She saw Sirius shoot him a look of apology as he petted her hair and attempted to soothe her while Madam Pomfrey worked.

"It's okay, Sami. You're going to be okay, I promise," Sirius muttered as he held her against his chest.

"Well, Miss Collins, it seems as though there is no permanent physical damage from the attack," said Madam Pomfrey as she finished healing Samantha. "Obviously the emotional damage is bound to be severe, but there's not much I can do about that. If you have nightmares, let me know and I'll have Professor Slughorn whip you up a potion, but otherwise, I don't think I'll be able to assist with the emotional issues. I'd like to keep you in here overnight, and Mr. Lupin, if you would be so kind as to come with me to my office so that I could fill out some paperwork?"

Remus nodded and cast them an unreadable glance before moving into the office, shutting the door behind him. Samantha burst into a fresh wave of tears and Sirius shifted to make her position more comfortable without making her let go of his shirt or move her face from his chest. The awkwardness of the situation was subsiding and his arms wrapped her into a tender, caring hug. When her sobs quieted, he whispered, "How do you feel, Sami?"

"I feel dirty," was all she could whimper, and his arms held her even tighter to him, concerned.

"It's not your fault, Sami. We still love you. We're not going to let him hurt you again. Just don't run away from your escort next time, love."

His voice was calm, soft, and almost paternal as he cuddled her, making her feel safer and her grip on his shirt began to loosen, but she didn't let go. Samantha had been hurt many times. She had been bullied by a variety of people. But Samantha had never had anyone hold her like this, had never had someone help her pick up the pieces, and Sirius Black was here, he was holding her. It took all the strength of mind she had left to only kiss his cheek when her lips met his face in gratitude. Of course, that was the moment Remus walked back into the infirmary, when Samantha's lips met Sirius's shocked face. Guilt suddenly reigned in her stomach and she felt a bit sick, but Sirius set her down gently, wrenching his shirt from her hands, and allowed Madam Pomfrey to give her a calming potion, which was supposed to help her sleep.

She did doze off for a little bit, but obviously not particularly long, because when she woke back up, her eyes still closed, Remus and Sirius were still there, talking, or rather arguing, in hushed tones.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I didn't force her to kiss my cheek. Next time I'll let you be the hero when something bad happens to her. I'll wait until you're around to let her be moved. How does that sound?"

"Sirius, you know what I meant."

"No, I'm not really sure I do. Enlighten me, Moony."

"I can see the way you've been looking at her, you know, ever since the accident. Not like you look at your conquests, but still, not like you used to. And I can see in her eyes when she looks at you that she's got a crush on you. She's not the Samantha I used to know. I still love her, but she doesn't love me anymore. To be honest, with all that Peter's told me, I'm not really even sure she ever did."

"That's ridiculous, Moony, of course she loved you."

"Well, that doesn't matter anymore, Sirius. She doesn't anymore. That's why it took so long for me to forgive you for what you did. Not because you hurt her, but because your little stunt changed how she looks at me. Now she looks that way at you. Don't pretend you don't see it."

"I – I'm sorry, Moony, you know I didn't mean for this to happen…"

"I know."

"So… so what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know."

"Can we just keep things the way they are for now, then? That is, until you've had time to figure out what you want?"

There was a pause, in which Samantha deduced that Remus probably nodded.

"Okay. I'll stick to that, then. Don't push her away because you're confused, Remus. I know you do that sometimes, but Sami's going to need your strength right now. She's pretty broken up inside. She's not the strong girl I knew before all this."

Strong? Samantha had been strong?

"Have your parents written yet, Padfoot? I'm sure news of your betrothed's tragedy has reached them."

There was a snort and Sirius said, "Haven't you heard? Since I ran away at Christmas and was disowned, she's not betrothed to me anymore. Apparently, it would have done her family a disservice to keep her tied to a disinherited little blood traitor."

"Have her parents even considered her own blood traitor status?"

"Probably not. You've seen her with them. She's a pretty good liar, and they're very naïve."

"Wait, if she's not betrothed to you, then who has she been tied to?"

"Oh, no."

"You don't think?"

"I'm pretty sure that's why he thought he had some sort of claim on her. She just got raped by her fiancé?"

"That's pretty sick. Is pureblood society always this awful?"

"No," said Sirius with a thoughtful voice. "Sometimes it's worse."

"What do we say when she wakes up?"

"Nothing. We don't say a word about the betrothal. We hadn't even gotten around to telling her about being betrothed to me."

"You realize it's almost summer. Her parents are going to tell her about this when she goes home."

"I know. We'll have to devise a plan where she comes to James's house earlier than we had agreed on."

"Do you think they'll actually go with what you say anymore, Sirius? After all, you have been disowned. I don't think they'll give you say in her life anymore."

"No, probably not, but Mrs. Potter has more sway in that world than just about anyone. It should be okay."

Samantha couldn't pretend to be asleep while her life decisions were being made for her anymore. Her eyes flickered open as best as she could make them, looking as sleepy as possible. The boys looked at her as she stretched.

"Sam," said Remus, surprised, "you didn't sleep very long, how are you feeling?"

She smiled sweetly, trying to look as though she hadn't heard a word; although she got the feeling she had heard almost everything.

"Oh, I feel great," she lied. "I think I'm ready to sleep in my own bed, though. These infirmary beds are ridiculous."

Sirius barked with laughter.

"I'm glad you're feeling okay," said Remus earnestly. "Do you want me to go get Madam Pomfrey?"

She shook her head and he came to sit down next to her on her bed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Were you two talking about summer plans?"

The boys exchanged glances, and Sirius gave a small nod.

"Yeah," said Remus. "Yeah, we were. You're going to be staying with James's family a little after you spend some time with your family."

"What's my family like, Remus?"

"Actually, you'd be better served to direct that question to Sirius. You're family never liked me, and so I wasn't invited over very often."

Sirius grimaced under her expectant gaze.

"Well," he muttered, pulling up a chair on the other side of her bed, "I guess I know your family best, yeah. We've been playmates since we were little. Your dad's really nice. He's very thoughtful and quiet. He sits behind his newspaper all day when your mum lets him, although I don't think he ever reads the whole thing. He just likes the sports section. My kind of man," he added with a grin. "Anyway, your mum is kind of… well… she's not as nice. That's about as nice as I can put it. She's sweet as pie in public, but she's always scheming, plotting. She and my mum grew up together, and my mum's about as awful as they come, so trust me, you got the better end of a crooked stick. But they love you, and they're always doing what they think is best for you, so that's something."

Remus nodded jerkily. Her parents didn't like him, she remembered him saying that before. They didn't like that he was a werewolf, and from the sounds of the earlier conversation, they also didn't like that he was half-blood.

"Will my parents like the new me?" she asked nervously.

"Darling," whispered Sirius, "they're going to love you."

But Samantha couldn't help but notice the dark look her two best men exchanged after those words. Suddenly, she dreaded having to leave Hogwarts.


	4. Snape's Worst Memory

"You absolutely are going to love my house," said James eagerly. Samantha had been released from the hospital wing, and they were attempting to study for their O., although James didn't seem to want to talk about anything by summer holiday.

"I'm sure I will, James, but right now, I just need to finish revising for the Transfiguration O.W.L."

With that, his mouth was shut as Sirius and Olivia went over Sirius's notes, which were actually quite good. At least, the notes from after the time when she had her accident, the notes from before were in her own handwriting, which she guessed Sirius had nicked from her at some point and wasn't planning on giving back, so now they shared.

"I wonder if they'll make allowances for you accident," mused Lily at breakfast before their first exam, which was Divination. Samantha knew, however, that accident or no, there wasn't a prayer of her passing Divination.

"I doubt it," she muttered bitterly. "They don't make allowances for anything, and the only proper allowance would be to put me back in first year and start all over. At least that way I would have had time to learn all this stuff. I just know I'll be tested on something I didn't have time to relearn."

Sirius tried to hide his guilty expression behind his glass as he took a rather long drink of juice, but Samantha had seen it, which made her feel guilty. She was tired of making him feel bad on accident, but she couldn't help but think he was being too hard on himself. Everything she said about the incident made Sirius feel guilty and upset. She would have to have another talk to Remus. He was probably making Sirius feel bad on purpose again.

Samantha was about to tell Remus to leave Sirius alone when her eye caught the sight of Avery, her attacker, from the Slytherin table, leering at her with a satisfied smirk. She shuddered. As she looked back down at her eggs, Sirius and Remus both growled, glaring over at Avery and ready to rush over and start a fight.

"Boys, please," she said sadly, shifting in her seat and chewing the now-tasteless eggs. "I don't even want to think about it."

"Sami," said Sirius with a look at Remus, as though asking for approval, "there's something Remus, James and I need to talk with you about. In private, if that's okay."

Samantha suspected they were going to explain her betrothal. She nodded and followed them to an empty classroom across the hall and sat down on a desk, waiting for an explanation.

"Sami, purebloods are a bit… a bit old-fashioned," said Sirius looking at the floor. "You, James and I have known each other our whole lives, going to events, playing together. Except James's family is a bit difference. They have so much power and influence that they can do what they want, and they don't like some of the pureblood ideals. So mostly it was you and me. Anyway, our mothers arranged us to be married when we were about five. And you and I pretty much ignored it. You lied to your parents, said Remus was just your fun while you were young and that I didn't mind, but that we were still getting married. But you and I had already vowed to run away when we were seventeen and I'd move in with the Potters and you'd move in with the Lupins and we could marry whoever we wanted."

"So what happened?" said Samantha, watching his distressed face.

"Sirius had to run away from home early," said James. "His mother was beating him again, but she would have killed him if he hadn't gotten out over Christmas Break. He got to my house and we fixed him up, but he got disowned and disinherited, so the engagement was broken off. We suspect…"

There was an awkward pause and Sirius said, "We're pretty sure your parents finally gave in to the offers of the Averys and set you up to marry him after my being disowned. We're fairly certain that your attacker is your fiancé."

Samantha just nodded numbly looking at the ground.

"So you guys have a plan to get me out of marrying him? You've got an idea of how to keep me safe from him?"

The boys nodded.

"Tell me what I have to do."

They went off to take their O.W.L.s that day with their plans for Samantha's escape from her new fiancé. Samantha came out of her Divination O.W.L. not having seen a single thing, but making up what she thought were some interesting stories. The exam people from the Ministry seemed less than impressed.

She went through the week feeling exhausted and confused. The exam witches and wizards assured her that she was doing just fine, even wonderful, for someone who had lost all of her memories, but she felt as though she would never do as well as she ought to. Defense Against the Dark Arts was the second to last day, and she was glad to see that it was almost over. Compared with the others, this exam was incredibly simple, especially the practical.

Samantha sat next to Sirius and James was about for rows up. She saw him yawn largely and ruffle his already messy hair before turning back and looking at them with a grin. Sirius gave James a thumbs up but Samantha just shook her head and grinned, turning back to her paper. She finished the last two questions and looked over at Sirius, who was lounging in his chair with his incredibly unhealthy good looks. She was going to bask in their glory, until she saw Mary MacDonald, who was sitting behind Sirius, eyeing him. Samantha had a sudden urge to lunge at Mary and rip out her throat, but it passed almost as soon as it came when she realized that Sirius hadn't noticed Mary at all.

A couple of chairs down from Mary was Remus who was reading over his answers, quill thoughtfully in his hand, checking his work. He was handsome, to be sure, but not quite like Sirius, even account for the fact that it was almost a full moon and his skin was pale and thin. Peter was on the other side of the hall, biting his nails nervously and trying to look over at Avery's paper.

"Quills down, please!" squeaked Professor Flitwick, who was presiding over the exam. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!_"

As the rolls of parchment zoomed into Professor Flitwick's outstretched arms, they knocked him from his feet. A few people laughed, but those in the front rows helped him back up. The Marauders and Samantha met up over at James's desk and headed outside with the herd.

"Did you like question ten, Remus?" said Samantha as casually as possible.

"Loved it," said Remus with a smile at her. "'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question."

"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James with a tone of mock concern.

"Think so," said Remus equally serious as they reached the crowd clambering to get out into the sunshine just by the front doors. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin…"

Peter was the only one not laughing.

"I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, and the tufted tail," he said, "but I couldn't think what else–"

"How thick are you, Wormtail?" said Samantha with a laugh. "You run round with a werewolf once a month–"

"Keep your voice down," said Remus urgently, putting his arm around her waist and checking to make sure no one else noticed.

"Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake," said Sirius. "I'll be surprised if I don't get Outstanding on it at least."

"Me too," said James. He pulled a struggling Snitch out of his pocket.

"Where'd you get that?"

"He nicked it," said Samantha casually as James began to play with it. He had taken her along for his grand theft, since he was supposed to be watching her at that time. She watched him play with it, admiring his reflexes, and Peter looked on with something like reverence.

The five of them pulled up in the shade of a beech tree, lounging in the grass. Remus wrapped one arm around Samantha and had the other grasping a book, which his nose was in. Sirius watched the other students with a bored sort of expression, occasionally smiling over at Samantha with a fond sort of smile she was getting used to from him. It made more sense, his attachment to her, now that she knew they were childhood friends. The group of them sat like this for more than five minutes, James playing with the Snitch, messing with his hair, and glancing down the lake at the fifth year girls. Peter watched on in glee, gasping in awe at James's athletic ability. After a while, Sirius was incredibly bored.

"Put that away, will you?" he said as Peter cheered at a particularly difficult catch. "Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement."

James grinned both at the comment and Peter's obvious embarrassment.

"If it bothers you," he said as he shoved the Snitch back into his pocket.

"I'm bored," said Sirius. "Wish it was a full moon."

"You might," said Remus darkly, his fingers clenching on Samantha's waist. "We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you can test me… Here." He held out the book to Sirius, who sneered at it.

"He knows it all, Remus," said Samantha, knowing that look. "He doesn't need it."

"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," muttered James. "Look who it is…"

Sirius turned his head, looking very much like a dog on the hunt, and Samantha turned to follow his gaze.

"Excellent," he whispered. "_Snivellus_."

Snape was on his feet, shoving some paper in his bag. As he started across the grass, James and Sirius stood. Remus looked back down at the book, though his body was tense and Samantha was sure he wasn't reading. Peter looked on in anticipation and Samantha watched cautiously. What was about to happen?

"All right, Snivellus?" said James loudly.

Snape dropped his bag, whirled around, and thrust his hand into his robes for his wand. Without thinking, Samantha called out, "_Expelliarmus!_"

His wand flew out of his hand and fell in the grass many feet behind him with a thud. Sirius barked with laughter.

Snape dove for his wand and Sirius yelled, "_Impedimenta!_" knocking the boy from his feet mid-dive. Students were gathering to watch. Samantha suddenly felt a familiar sensation in the pit of her stomach, the same one she got every time she got picked on. James and Sirius were bullying Snape, and what was worse, she had helped. They advanced on the panting boy, sprawled out on the ground, with their wands up and ready. James kept glancing back at the fifth year girls. Peter was on his feet, moving toward them now, and with a quick look at Remus, Samantha joined him.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

There was much laughter amongst the students watching. Sirius gave Samantha a little smile as he saw her watching, and a wink. She tried to smile back. Had it been that the old her was okay with these things? Had she participated? Snape was trying to get up, but he was still under the effects of the jinx Sirius had cast at him and was wriggling around on the grass.

"You – wait," he panted at James with pure loathing. "You – wait…"

"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. "What are you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

Snape swore and called out hexes, but he didn't have his wand, so Sirius remained intact. Sirius was giving her an encouraging smile. Samantha suddenly realized that she really was expected to participate.

"Bad language, Sna- Snivellus," she said, trying to sound braver than she was. "Ought to wash out that mouth. _Scourgify!_"

It was a spell Lily had taught her the week before for Charms. Pink soap bubbles had instantly streamed from Snape's mouth, gagging and choking him. Samantha instantly regretted it, but Sirius loved it.

"Leave him ALONE!"

James, Sirius and Samantha looked around. James began messing up his hair again. It was Lily.

"All right, Evans?" said James, in a voice that didn't really sound like James.

"Leave him alone," said Lily, looking over James with a similar look of loathing to the one Snape had just fixed him with. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James thoughtfully, "it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…"

"James," muttered Samantha weakly, sure that he didn't hear her. Something was wrong about all of this, and yet something was so right as she heard the sounds of Sirius's barking laughter mingle with that of everyone present but herself, Lily, Snape, and Remus.

"You think you're funny," Lily said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," James responded, not missing a beat. "Go on… Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid," said Lily.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius as he turned back to Snape. "OY!"

There was a flash of light, a tiny bit of pain, and suddenly there was a gash on Samantha's cheek, spurting blood all over her robes. Remus gripped his book a little tighter, clearly debating whether or not to get involved. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal a pair of skinny, pallid legs and a graying pair of underpants.

People in the crowd cheered and laughed, including her three friends, as Samantha winced and wiped her hand across the bloody gash on her face. It wasn't very deep. He must have been aiming for James and missed.

"Let him down, James," said Samantha with a small voice and James jumped.

"Certainly," said James, and he jerked his wand upward, causing Snape to fall in a heap on the grass. He found his wand and scrambled to his feet, but Sirius was too quick.

"_Petrificus totalus!_"

Snape fell back again, rigid as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" shrieked Lily. She now had her wand out and Sirius, James, and Samantha all eyed it warily. Samantha had seen enough of Lily's wandwork to know she wasn't to be messed with.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James.

"I think you'd better take the curse off him, James," said Samantha, eyeing the fire in Lily's eyes. She was furious.

James sighed and turned to Snape, muttering the countercurse. HE had seen the fury as well.

"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus–"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Lily blinked, but didn't miss another beat.

"Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

"Apologize to Evans!" yelled James, pointing his wand threateningly at Snape.

"James," whispered Samantha. She was feeling dizzy. This whole scene was wrong.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize," Lily shouted at James. "You're as bad as he is!"

"What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking around the corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

She turned on her heel and ran off.

"Evans!" James shouted. "Hey, EVANS!"

Lily kept running.

"What was that all about?" said Samantha to Sirius who was shaking his head.

Sirius turned to James, who was trying to rearrange his face to look as though he didn't care, but it was obviously an effort.

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited mate," said Sirius.

"Right," said James, whose face was now arranged in fury. "Right–"

Another flash of light and Snape was hanging upside down in the air again. The crowd was clapping.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

The cheering got louder, and Sirius joined in. Peter squeaked in approval, and Samantha thought she heard something muttered from Remus, whose nose was still in the book he was holding, that sounded like, "She doesn't like you because you're a bully."

It hit Samantha in that moment that this was the type of thing that would have been done to her, and suddenly the rush she had felt at Sirius's laughter, at the egging on of the crowd, felt sickening. It wasn't fun, it was horrible.

"James, stop!" she cried, and he looked at her, shock on his face. "James, please, just leave him alone. He didn't do anything. Don't bully him."

Sirius and James were frowning at her as though they'd never seen her before. Sirius opened his mouth, no doubt to try and explain why Snape deserved to be bullied, but Samantha could feel tears forming in her eyes as she looked at the boy hanging in the air and she ran off toward the castle, not looking back at the scene, hoping James put him down, hoping no one had seen the tears in her eyes.

She curled up in the corner of the classroom the boys had led her to earlier, and just began crying, remembering all the times someone had treated her like that, remembering that there had been no one there to help her, to stop the bullies. It wouldn't have been right, it wouldn't have been fair if she hadn't told James to stop.

The door of the classroom opened and she saw Sirius there, looking worried and confused, his eyes searching the room for her. When they saw her in the corner, he rushed to her and held her, wiping the tears of her cheek with his thumb.

"Sami, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. She couldn't explain it without telling him what had happened, how she didn't really have amnesia, but then she would be forced to look for a way back and she would have lost her chance at a new life. She would have lost him, and she was falling in love with him. She couldn't say a word.

"Sami, please, why are you crying?"

His voice was soft and sweet and his chest welcomed her head as she rested it there, using it as a pillow.

"Baby," he whispered. "Please don't wander off by yourself like that again. You scared me. I saw Avery coming after you and it was a battle getting to you before he could find you. I don't want him hurting you again. I don't want to lose my Sami."

"I'm just not sure I can be your Sami anymore, Sirius," she whispered. "Would I have participated in that… that… bullying out there before my accident?"

"Yeah," he muttered. "You and Snivelly were going at it almost as much as he and James. He made fun of Remus all the time, always trying to find out his secret. You hated that."

"I can't do that anymore," she admitted, without saying why. "It just felt wrong."

Sirius sighed and tightened his arms around her.

"Sami, when I say that I don't want to lose my Sami, I just mean you. I don't mean who you were before or who you are now, or whatever. I mean you. I don't want to lose you in my life because you are my life. You've been so important to me for so long. I couldn't live without you. I'm not letting Avery have you."

Samantha wanted to tell him that she loved him, and that she didn't want to leave him, but somehow, she couldn't find the words. It wouldn't be right. She was with Remus, and she cared very much for him. And Remus was in love with her. Things would be okay the way they were.


	5. Going to the Place that Was Her Home

Samantha packed her things with butterflies zooming around her stomach, and Lily helped. The redhead was angry still, and needed to focus her energy on something. She had finished her own packing in about ten minutes and then proceeded to help the other girls in the dormitory, one at a time, until Samantha was the only one who hadn't finished yet.

"What if they don't like me?" Samantha whispered softly, hoping Lily hadn't heard her. No such luck.

"Your parents?" said Lily, her head cocked with curiosity. "Why wouldn't they?"

"Lily, have you ever met my parents?"

"Well, no," said Lily, honestly. "You always said it wasn't a good idea to try inviting me over because I'm Muggle-born and they don't approve of you consorting with Muggle-borns."

Samantha winced.

"Great, I'm descendent to blood purity freaks too," she moaned. "Did anyone tell you about my betrothal?"

"To Sirius?" said Lily. "Sure, everyone knows about that."

"No," said Samantha, clutching a pillow miserably. "That got called off when he got disowned. No, apparently now I've been betrothed to Avery."

"Avery?" gasped Lily. "Oh, gosh, Sam, but he's the one who–"

"Exactly," muttered Samantha, looking down at her nail polish with a dejected manner. "And I have to go and pretend I'm a-okay with it until I can get to the Potters' house."

"That's got to be tough," conceded Lily.

"No kidding. And everyone knows that I'm already different than I used to be, but Sirius said I was completely different around them, anyway. I don't have a clue what they're expecting me to be and I just know they'll hate me."

Lily gave her a sad look, but didn't say anything, which wasn't particularly encouraging. Apparently, she had given up her attempts to assure that Samantha's parents would love her. Lily give up on something was never a good sign, as Lily Evans was probably the most stubborn girl in England.

Samantha dragged her trunk down the stairs, where Sirius took her owl to lighten her load. Remus helped her get her trunk down to the entrance hall, where it would be taken to the train.

"Are you all right, love?" said Remus, concerned. Samantha just nodded, but when she caught Sirius's eye, the dark look they exchanged told Sirius the truth. She was terrified.

As Sirius took her hand to help her in the carriage after Remus, he leaned in and whispered, "It's all going to be all right, Sami. Just like we rehearsed, just like I told you, and you'll be fine."

He placed a light kiss on her cheek and helped her up, not realizing, she was sure, that the contact of his lips on her skin made her stomach to this strange contraction that felt something like a pleasurable writhing deep within her. She hoped she wasn't blushing.

Apparently, she wasn't, because Remus still didn't notice that there was anything out of the ordinary. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close next to him to make room for Sirius on the other side of her. When the five of them and, surprisingly, Lily Evans, were tucked into the carriage, it took off toward Hogsmeade Station, remarkably silent and awkward. Everyone was glancing at Samantha every five seconds and Samantha was staring absently out the window with a small, fake smile plastered on her face for their benefit, pretending she didn't notice their discomfort.

At Hogsmeade, Remus helped her onto the train and led the way to a compartment. Once again, Lily surprised them by joining them in the Marauder's compartment.

"Um, Evans?" said James nervously. "It's not that I want you to leave, or anything, in fact, I rather enjoy having you here, but – um – why are you here?"

"Well," said Lily softly, "if you must know, Mary and I have had a fight. It will be fixed of forgotten by September, but for now, it's best if we give each other space. Besides," she added with a smile to Samantha, "Sam needs me."

Remus frowned.

"What? But everything's fine. Why would Sam need you?"

"Moral support, duh," said Lily rolling her eyes. "She is, after all, meeting her parents, effectively for the first time, today. And she's scared out of her mind."

Samantha hid her face from Remus as his eyes began to bore holes in her. Yes, she was scared out of her mind, but she didn't want her boyfriend to know that.

"Relax, Evans, it's going to be fine," said Sirius, obviously noticing her embarrassment. "We've got a plan and we've rehearsed it and Sami's going to be just fine, aren't you, Sami?"

She nodded, hoping he was right. He had to be right. She had to be fine. She couldn't afford to mess this up. As it was, Remus was shooting her worried glances the entire ride back, which didn't help her self-confidence. Samantha had no confidence in her acting abilities.

Since she had never taken the train ride between Hogwarts and King's Cross, Samantha had nothing to compare the trip to, but even so, she was sure it was dragging on for an unseemly long time. There was an incredibly tense, awkward feel in the compartment, and she knew they were all anxious for her. The strangest part was that Sirius didn't seem to be anxious at all. He seemed sad.

When the train finally pulled into King's Cross, Sirius and Remus got their own things, as well as Samantha's and Lily's things off the train and onto the crowded platform.

"Are you ready?" said Remus as they stood in front of the archway that would lead them back to the Muggle world. Samantha nodded, glancing quickly at a stone-faced Sirius. She wasn't ready at all, but she figured now was as good a time as any to get into character. The three of them walked through the archway, followed closely by James, Peter, and Lily.

On the other side, Sirius took her by the arm and led her toward a couple waiting in the crowd. They looked haughty, dressed fashionably, and gave her strained smiles as she approached, while managing to look disapproving of Sirius and Remus all at once.

"Samantha, darling," said the woman who was Samantha's mother. "The school owled us about your accident. How are you feeling?"

"Mother," she said, trying hard not to mumble, "that was a while ago. I'm fine now, except my memory, of course."

"Naturally," said her father. "We have news for you when you come home."

"Yes, Father," she said, trying to remember all of the social rules James and Sirius had taught her back at school. How did purebloods keep track of them all?

"Ah! Mr. and Mrs. Collins!" said a warm voice behind them. "There you are! I see you have my boys."

"Mrs. Potter," said Mrs. Collins with a strained smile. "A pleasure, as always."

Mrs. Potter was a kindly looking old woman, who was dressed fashionably, but not in a pretentious way. Her tired old eyes were alight with happiness at the sight of the students in front of her, and she gave Samantha a special, warm smile.

"It's good to see you, Samantha. I was so worried when I heard about your accident. I hope things are getting easier, dear."

"Yes, quite, thank you," said Samantha, hoping she didn't sound as nervous as she felt.

"No, Violetta, darling, I was meaning to ask you," said Mrs. Potter, turning to Mrs. Collins, "if Samantha could come over a bit earlier than we had previously agreed upon. You know, the annual ball is at our manor this year and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't have her help. After all, the boys won't be very useful, and I could use it as an opportunity to reteach her all of rules of the thing."

Mrs. Collins's face looked as though she was fighting back an incredibly livid expression. However, as Sirius had said, Mrs. Potter got what she wanted in this world.

"Naturally, Theodora," said Mrs. Collins, calming herself. "How soon would you like her?"

"Oh, I'd say in a week or so if that's quite all right? I'll owl you."

"That sounds perfectly agreeable," said Mrs. Collins in a way that suggested there was nothing agreeable about it.

"Excellent," said Mrs. Potter, placing her hands on James's and Sirius's shoulders. "Well, boys, we'd best be off. It was good to see you all, Peter, Remus, Samantha. Oh, and you must be Lily Evans. Delightful to finally meet you, dear!"

Mrs. Potter shook Lily's hand, who appeared to be a bit shocked that she had been addressed and turned ever so slightly pink under the attention as she shook Mrs. Potter's hand graciously.

Samantha followed her new parents out to the car. They were bickering viciously all the way there until they reached the car itself, which was a nice, classy powder-blue Italian model, when they saw a woman approaching them with her son, Samantha's new fiancé. She wanted to run, but found herself staying remarkably calm.

"Ah, Mrs. Avery," said Mr. Collins nervously. "We have some unfortunate news. Samantha will be spending the summer at the Potter Manor starting next week."

"What?" snapped the woman, looking at him as though he had just said her son wasn't getting his prize. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know Theodora Potter, dear," said Mrs. Collins. "I didn't really have much choice."

"You do realize that that runaway, no-good disgrace is living in that manor now?" growled Mrs. Avery. Samantha wanted to attack her for saying that, but managed to keep herself relatively calm. Still, how dare that woman speak about Sirius that way? After all, her own son had raped a girl, something Samantha knew Sirius would never do.

"We're well aware, Mrs. Avery," said Mr. Collins. "We're going to take full steps within the time we have to mediate the circumstances."

Samantha noticed that as her parents continued to discuss her as though she wasn't even there, Avery had moved from his mother's side to hers. He moved a lock of hair from her shoulder and she jumped, not realizing he had been standing so close. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"That mutt can play all the games he wants, pet. You're mine."

She wanted to push him off her, to run away, to scream, but she couldn't move. For one thing, fear rooted her to the spot. For another, her parents would be suspicious if she was acting out against the boy she was engaged to.

"I can't wait for that ball, pet," he slurred into her ear. "There are so many places I could take you. The Potter Manor is massive, and no one would notice you were gone until I'd brought you back. No one would hear you screaming out my name but me."

Samantha fought to keep her face expressionless, but there must have been a flicker of fear in her eyes, because he chuckled lowly, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and opened the door for her. Shooting him a glare, she got in, and he closed the door on her glowering face, making a kissy face before rejoining his mother. She would have to owl Sirius.

The drive to the Collins Manor was a long one, but it was completely silent. Samantha was very uncomfortable with this heavy silence, even more than she had been with the awkwardness of the compartment on the Hogwarts Express. At least then she knew the awkward air was out of concern from people who cared about her. This awkward silence seemed to be out of anger at Mrs. Potter, or perhaps fear of Mrs. Avery.

When they arrived at the manor, Samantha's breath was taken away. She was sure she had never seen such a beautiful home. It looked something like Versailles, and the lush gardens were no exception. The interior, of course, was not quite as grand as Versailles, but still managed to make Samantha feel terrified of touching anything, lest it break. She was sure every item in the house was worth more than her life.

"We'll meet you in the sitting room, darling," said her mother loftily.

"Violetta, she doesn't know where the sitting room is," reminded her father. "Come on, Samantha, I'll take you there and we'll wait for your mother."

She followed the man who was her father through the house to a stylish sitting room with all-white furniture that was basically asking to be spilled on. It was a good thing they were wizards, she though, or this furniture would never stand a chance. She followed the lead of the man who was her father and sat down in an armchair. He didn't say anything to her, just picked up a copy of the _Daily Prophet _she felt sure he had already read, judging by the date on the front page, and sifted through it with a mild interest.

Eventually, her mother came in wearing rather fancy dress robes for someone who was just going to be sitting around the house with her family the whole day, but Samantha didn't comment. She was getting the feeling that this was the sort of thing her mother did all the time.

"Darling, how much have your friend told you about your status?" she said, clearly worried about what sort of influence her friends had been on her.

"In what way do you mean, mother?" she replied, keeping to the script Sirius had created for her.

"About your prescribed duty to your family, about your future?"

"Ah, yes, Sirius explained everything," she said as sweetly as she could. "Although, apparently, he's been disinherited, so I suppose that means we're no longer betrothed?"

"Of course it does," said the woman who was her mother, almost snappishly. "We have betrothed you to someone else."

"I see," she said sweetly. "And who might that be? James Potter?"

She threw that name in for her own amusement. It hadn't been a part of their agreed act, but she had seen her mother's reaction to James's mother and just was dying to see it again. Samantha wasn't disappointed.

"No," she said. "Theodora doesn't want to get involved in betrothal, which is a bit of a shame. Her son would make a handsome prize."

The bitterness in the voice of the woman who was her mother was unmistakable. She probably didn't like James at all, of course, but she did like his wealth and standing and since she had lost the only comparable male of her daughter's age, she was disappointed to have missed out.

"No, we've betrothed you to Mr. Avery, the boy who so graciously helped you into the car at the train station."

Samantha did her best to look surprised and unfazed by this news all at once, with the expression Sirius had made her practice with a mirror he had brought until he deemed it suitable. It seemed to work for the people who were her parents, because they made no comment on her facial reaction, which had been the goal.

"He's a perfectly fine man," said the man who was her father. "And his mother has assured us that he has plenty to provide for you. I mean, he's no Black, but…"

"But that Sirius isn't any more either, darling," said the woman who was her mother. It grated at Samantha to hear these people who were her parents discuss her friends as though they were coupons to be bought or traded, as if they were their bank accounts and not people, but Sirius had told her to expect this.

"Well, we are letting you know because his family will be joining us for dinner tomorrow, and we expect you to behave in the proper manner of one betrothed," said the woman who was her mother sharply.

"What your mother means, darling," said the man who was her father, "is that we expect you to show him reverence, kindness, and some sort of affection. It shouldn't be too hard for you, darling, you're a very sweet girl."

Well, that, at least, was true, she liked to think. Samantha was nothing if not nice.

"How ought I dress, mother?" said Samantha as softly and respectfully as she could.

"Don't worry about that, Samantha, I'll lay something out for you," said the woman who was her mother with a dismissive wave of her hand. "And now, it's time for you to go unpack. Dinner will be sharply in fifteen minutes. I expect you freshened up by then."

"Yes, mother," said Samantha.

"I'll show you the dining room on the way to your bedroom, darling," said the man who was her father.

She followed the man through the house, and he pointed out the dining room. She asked him, when they reached her room, as politely as possible if there was an owl she might borrow to write to a friend she hadn't had an opportunity to say good-bye to. He told her that the owls had a room down the hall and that she could use one whenever she liked.

Samantha changed into clothes she found in her wardrobe that were similar to the ones the woman who was her mother was wearing, combed her hair and put it half up, and changed into smarter shoes. Then, she scribbled a note to Sirius, telling him how things had gone, the development about Avery coming over, and that she was horribly miserable and couldn't wait to join the boys again.

Fourteen minutes after she had been warned about dinner, Samantha made her way down to the dining room to find the people who were her parents sitting at opposite ends of the absurdly long table. She wondered why they didn't have a smaller table for when they weren't entertaining, but then it occurred to Samantha that these people were always entertaining, even if they were only entertaining themselves. She ate her dinner quietly, not engaging in the basic and polite conversation that the people who were her parents were having across the table, as Sirius had warned her not to speak at meals unless expressly spoken too, particularly at formal dinners, and she supposed that this was a formal dinner of sorts.

When she had finished, she excused herself, returned to her room, dressed for bed, and crawled into the fluffy cream four-poster with baby pink pillows. It was as though she had stepped into yet another foreign world, and this one she couldn't wait to leave. She fell asleep staring at the ceiling, wondering just how bad her dinner tomorrow would be.


	6. A Royal Pain of an Engagement

Before noon, Samantha had received three owls from Sirius, five from Remus, two from Lily, and one from James, who said Sirius had made him write so that it wouldn't look weird that he kept writing to her. She answered every one carefully and happily, anxious to be amongst friends again, instead of the people who were her parents.

From the sounds of voices in the foyer, Samantha figured her fiancé and his parents had arrived. She took a deep breath and looked in the mirror at her new self. She looked like a younger version of the woman who was her mother, which didn't suit her at all, she thought. After an attempt to curl her hair with a wand, which Lily had tried to teach her, she gave up and drew her hair up into a bun. There was no desire to look good within her, but at the same time, if she didn't make some sort of effort she was sure that the people who were her parents, or at least the woman who was her mother, would see this as a sign that she was rebelling against her engagement. In truth, that would be almost exactly the point, but she didn't want them knowing. Sirius had insisted that it must be subtle.

At the exact time mandated by the woman who was her mother, Samantha came down to the sitting room, where the others were waiting, conversing some small piece of news of the day that had been a mere blurb in the papers. Samantha tried to ignore the hungry looks from her new fiancé, tried to ignore the appraising eyes of his mother, and tried to put on a natural-looking smile as the woman who was her mother ushered her into a chair beside her new fiancé. She wondered why his parents hadn't noticed the absolutely blatant lust flashing in his eyes. Perhaps they had and were ignoring it.

"Samantha, darling," said the woman who was her mother, "would you play us something at the piano?"

Samantha blinked. She had never learned to play the piano. Sirius had never told her she was supposed to know how to play the piano. Internally, she panicked.

"Mother," she spluttered, "I – I can't, I don't – I don't know how."

"She's forgotten, darling," said the man who was her father, "remember?"

"Oh, silly me," said the woman who was her mother in a tone that was less self-depreciative and more frustrated with Samantha.

"That's just fine," said Mrs. Avery, who had an odd sort of simper on her face. "So I hear you'll be spending some time at the Potter's Samantha."

"Yes, ma'am," said Samantha, not making full eye-contact. She wouldn't want to, anyway, but Sirius had warned her that if she made eye contact it would be seen as though she was insinuating she was better than them, and those sort of social structure challenges would not end well.

"Are you friendly with her son, then?"

"In what way do you mean, ma'am? I would consider James a friend."

"Just a friend?"

"Naturally."

"What about your previous fiancé, Mr. Black?"

Samantha tensed. Sirius had tried to prepare her for these types of questions, but she was still uncomfortable with them. She cared for Sirius greatly and didn't want to tell the lies he had taught her to say, but she knew she had to if things were to go over well.

"Sirius is a friend of James's."

"Yes, I know that, dear," said Mrs. Avery with a flash of thought crossing her face. "But how do you feel about him?"

"I feel that he is impulsive, headstrong, and self-centered," she said, repeating the words he had thought up for her, "and he wouldn't make a very good husband, I think."

"Naturally," said the woman who was her mother with a pleased nod.

"And what of Lupin?" whispered the father of her fiancé just loud enough to be heard by all in the room.

"What of him, Mr. Avery?" said Samantha in the most carefree voice she could muster. If she had been able to lie through her teeth about Sirius, lying about Remus should be cake. But shouldn't that be the other way around?

"Our son has told us that you have a relationship of sorts with that… _boy_," he spat.

"He is merely a toy to pass the time with," said Samantha, careful to keep her face even and level, as she had practiced. "He means nothing to me."

Those words should have wrenched her gut, should have squeezed at her heart, but they didn't. She really barely knew the boy, and effectively never decided to date him. Did she really not care? No, she cared, she decided, she just didn't love him. She cared for him as she cared for James. He deserved more than that from her.

"Would you be willing to break up with him, then, on our request?" said Mrs. Avery, as though saying there was no request about it.

"I shall likely be ending it soon," said Samantha levelly, hoping none of her words were offensive. They hadn't practiced this part. "He is beginning to bore me."

"Very well," said Mrs. Avery. "I can understand doing it on your schedule for propriety's sake, dear, just make sure it is done before you turn seventeen."

"Why that date, if I may ask?" Samantha said, as politely as possible, though she thought she knew the answer.

"You'll be married that week."

Samantha wanted to scream in horror. She wanted to run out of the room and send an owl to Sirius. No, she wanted to run out of the house and find Sirius, but she didn't know where to go. She didn't know what to say. So she put a soft smile on her face and nodded, as though there was nothing she would like more than to be marrying her rapist before Christmas. How on earth was she getting out of this one? Sirius must have known, why hadn't he warned her?

Dinner went slowly, painfully, and boringly as the adults talked and Avery leered at her over his soup, his steak, and pretty much everything they put on a plate before him. Apparently this was his main hobby, because he had leering at her down to an art, licking his lips on occasion to punctuate the point of what he wanted. Samantha found it hard to ignore him, but she did her best. She spent most of the meal being passive, as was expected, and thinking up the things she would write in her owls to her friends as soon as the evil family she was expected into was gone.

As she stood there, bidding the evil family goodbye, Samantha flinched ever so slightly as Avery leaned down and whispered in her ear, "No thought of running from me now, little one. I _will_ have you."

She watched him go with a fake, soft smile plastered on her face and she knew he knew she was faking. Inside, she wanted to scream, run and hide. As soon as they were gone, she excused herself to bed and began writing letters furiously to her friends. They were all generic retellings of the events of the night, with no mention of her words about Remus. Samantha did, however, write as casually as possible to Sirius that she had been told that their date to be married would be within a week of her turning seventeen.

The rest of her stay with the people who were her parents flew by. Samantha kept her head down and followed the protocol set out for her by Sirius and James, sent letters to her friends every day, and stayed alone as much as possible so as not to slip up on her acting. One morning, the man who was her father knocked on her door and let himself in. She was just filling the last of her school things and some of her things for the events that would be held at the Potter's house into her trunk for her stay.

"Yes, father?" said Samantha as politely as possible.

"They'll be Flooing over at noon, correct?"

"Yes, that is what James wrote me," said Samantha. James and Sirius had explained Floo to her, and she was determined not to make a fool of herself on her first try. Lily said she would get the hang of it quickly.

"Very well. It's about twenty minutes to noon. I'll carry your things down to the parlor for you."

The man who was her father took all of her things downstairs and she stared out of the window, expecting one last, promised owl from Sirius. She had just become caught up watching the clouds when an owl swooped in and dropped a letter on her lap.

_We'll see you soon, Sami. I'm coming along, despite James's mum's better judgment. Stay out of trouble until we arrive._

_-Sirius_

There was no hiding her grin. Sirius would be coming for her. Well, Sirius, James, and Mr. Potter would be coming for her, but Sirius would be there. Remus would not, she knew. He would be staying with them for a few days, but only just a few days, as his condition didn't go away in the summers.

Samantha could barely stop herself from skipping down the stairs two minutes before noon, heading for the parlor to go to the Potter Manor. She wondered vaguely if it would be anything like the Collins Manor, and hoped not.

Her thoughts were interrupted, however, by a whirring sound in the fireplace as a man who looked like a much older version of James appeared and stepped out of it gracefully. Only seconds later, James appeared himself, and then Sirius. Upon Sirius's arrival, there was a sharp gasp from the woman who was Samantha's mother. She had not been expecting him, to be sure.

"Well, good to see you all," said James's father. "James, Sirius, you boys take her things and show her how to use the Floo."

"Sure, Dad," said James, who picked up one end of Samantha's trunk as Sirius grabbed the other. They hauled it over to the fireplace and turned it on its side so that it fit in the flames with Sirius. Sirius took a pinch of powder that was set up by the fireplace and tossed it into the flames, yelling, "Potter Manor!"

James followed him, repeating the same action and then Mr. Potter gave Samantha an encouraging nod.

"Go on, dear, just as the boys did."

She gave him a smile, said a swift good-bye to the people who were her parents, and took a pinch of powder, climbing into the flames, which oddly didn't burn, and threw down the powder, shouting, "Potter Manor!"

Closing her eyes and tucking in her elbows tightly, as James and Sirius had warned her, Samantha felt incredibly dizzy as she spun wildly around. It seemed to go on forever, but she felt her spinning self slow and she opened her eyes, throwing her arms out just in time as the fire spat her out in what she certainly hoped was the fireplace of the Potters.

Thankfully, it was, and Sirius caught her, dusting her off gently.

"Hey, Sami," he whispered, hugging her tightly. "I'm glad you're okay. Tell me about the dinner with the Averys. You said something about a wedding date?"

There was clear-cut worry and almost a touch of fear in his voice.

"What?" cried Mrs. Potter, who was setting out plates for lunch. "A wedding date already?"

"They said we're to be married the week I turn seventeen," Samantha muttered, aware that she was still emotionless and empty when she needn't be. There was no point in acting for the moment. These were people who cared about her.

"But my goodness, I'm sure there hasn't been a married couple in Hogwarts since at least when I was in school," muttered Mrs. Potter, and James had to hold back his smirk.

"Turn of the century," he whispered.

"I heard that, James," snapped Mrs. Potter playfully. "We're not discussing my age with your friends."

"What, she knew before the accident!" cried James. "I'm just putting her up to date!"

"Well, kindly, don't," said Mrs. Potter, though Samantha could tell that she really didn't mind. "Sirius, dear, why don't you show Sam to her room while James helps me set up lunch?"

"Sure, Mum," said Sirius, and he took her hand, leading her out to the hallway of a grand house. "We've already taken your things to your room," he said. "You're going to love it here. But you didn't say anything knew about the dinner with the–"

"I'll tell you when we're all together," said Samantha hastily, brushing off the question. He had led her up a flight of stairs, down a hall carpeted in the richest Gryffindor red, and to a room that was elegantly furnished, but in a far more inviting way that the one in her own home, in shades of pale gold and ivory. "Why do you call her Mum?" Samantha added as she searched through her trunk for some Muggle clothes to put on.

"Because I live here now," said Sirius simply, "and she was more a mother to me than my own ever was."

"I think I know what you mean," muttered Samantha, recalling the woman who was her mother and comparing her in her mind to Mrs. Potter.

"You used to call her that, too," said Sirius. "She actually furnished this room just for you; you stay here so often…"

His voice choked a little on that last syllable and Samantha turned fast enough to see Sirius wipe his eyes hastily on his sleeve and she turned away again, blushing. He still felt guilty, that silly boy.

"What are you looking for, anyway?"

"Real clothes," she retorted. "These are ridiculous. They ought to be burned."

"Ah, yes," said Sirius, knowingly. "It's been a while since I've seen you dressed like a proper little pureblood. Don't waste your time in there, we've got things for you in the wardrobe."

Sure enough, there was a wide assortment of jeans in her size. The assortment was lacking an essential feature, however: shirts. She gave Sirius a quizzical look and he frowned.

"Ah, you've got a bit of an obsession with jeans. I guess you didn't leave any tops behind at Christmas. I'll go get you a t-shirt, it'll be quicker than you digging through that mess." He waved at her trunk and ran across the hall, returning in a few moments with a Muggle band tee. The Kinks. Samantha smiled at the familiar logo and took it from him.

"I'll let you change, then," he said. "I'll be across the hall. We can go down to lunch together."

Samantha waited for him to close the door behind him before shimmying out of the hideous dress she was wearing and into her jeans and Sirius's t-shirt. She took a quick look in a gilded full-length mirror that stood beside her wardrobe and brushed her hair gingerly out of her eyes before rushing across the hall to Sirius's room, where he was laying on his bed, flipping through a Muggle magazine. He grinned when she came in.

"Hey, Sami, looks good."

"Thanks," she said, almost breathlessly as she looked around his room. There were posters of scantily clad Muggle women and some Quidditch team on the walls. The amount of scarlet and gold had surpassed the point of obnoxious and was reaching absurdity. She jumped when she felt a hand lace through hers and she looked at Sirius, who was standing in front of her, a grin on his face as she admired his room. There was crimson creeping onto her cheeks as he led her out of his room and down to lunch.

James pulled out her chair for her and pushed it in after she had sat.

"Isn't that your shirt, Sirius?" said James curiously.

"Yeah, I figured it was easier than having her dig through her trunk for a shirt. She didn't have any in her wardrobe."

"Well, it looks nice," said Mrs. Potter with a friendly smile. "Remus will be here soon and we can discuss what the plan is then."

"Plan?" said Samantha, confused as there came a whooshing noise from the fireplace and Remus stumbled in.

"Yes, plan," said Sirius as James greeted Remus. "We've got to have a plan to save you from marrying that creepo."

"But I'll be of age," said Samantha with a frown. "Can't I just say no?"

"Not if you want to have a home with your parents," said Sirius quietly. To be perfectly honest with herself, Samantha wanted nothing more to do with the people who were her parents, but perhaps that wasn't an acceptable thing to say. "So tell the story from the beginning, now that we're all here."

Samantha did her best to describe her time with the people who were her parents and the evil people her parents wanted her to marry. She left out a few things, of course, which would have not been great to say in front of Remus, but one thing was for certain. Her parents wanted her to marry in a matter of months, and no one at the table was okay with that.

"But she'll be turning seventeen at school," said Remus. "What can we do?"

"I can think of a few things we can do," said Sirius, frowning, "but all of them will get her disowned."

"I don't mind," said Samantha earnestly. "Those people make me uncomfortable."

"The Averys?" said Remus sympathetically.

"No," she whispered, "my parents."

There was a bit of an awkward silence for a moment and Samantha could feel the uncomfortable eyes boring into her, but she didn't mind. It was the truth.

"In that case," said Sirius quietly after a moment, "I'm off to draft a letter to Dumbledore that you and James's parents can sign and send to Dumbledore explaining the situation. If he doesn't let them take you from school, they can't drag you to the altar, and then I'll make personally sure that Avery doesn't try to sneak you away. But once you're of age, it doesn't matter. We'll just have to be on high alert for that week."

Samantha gave him a grateful smile and he returned it with a cheeky grin that didn't meet his eyes. He was worried. Remus gave her a hug and a quick kiss.

"Thank you for lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, it was lovely."

"Any time, Remus, you know that," said Mrs. Potter with a grin.

"I'll be seeing you in a few days, Sam," he whispered, his forehead pressed to hers. "Try and stay out of trouble while I'm gone."

"With no one for company but James and Sirius?" she said with a smirk that would have rivaled Sirius's. "Not a chance."

He just chuckled and gave her another quick peck before leaving through the fireplace. Samantha felt a twinge of guilt in her heart watching him go, realizing that she had no idea how to break up with a boy. She had never done it before, and Remus was just so sweet. This was going to be a big, ugly mess.


	7. Breaking Up Is Hard to Do :P

Samantha found herself falling into a routine at the Potter's house. She would get up and have breakfast with the Potter family plus Sirius and then she would watch the boys play Quidditch in the back yard for hours and hours until they got hungry and they would go in and make sandwiches and discuss their match. Then she would sit in the Potter's vast library and read, or go out to their spacious gardens and admire the various plants. What the boys got up to in those hours before dinner, she didn't know, but she figured they needed boy time without her, so she gave it to them before they had a chance to ask.

One afternoon at lunch, Sirius asked Samantha what she did when she was by herself. She shrugged.

"I think, mostly."

"About what?" he said.

"Things."

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"You tell me everything, Sami. Why aren't you now?"

She raised an eyebrow at him and he nodded.

"Right. Memory. Well, if you want to talk, I'm here."

"Noted," she said. "But I won't be coming to you about this, so don't wait around."

He gave her a curious look as she went out to the garden, but he didn't ask any more. She found a place in the grass just short of the garden and stretched out, looking up at the clouds. Samantha could have been there five minutes or three hours, she wasn't sure, but suddenly, she heard heavy panting and a large black dog lay down beside her, nuzzling her with its snout.

"Hey there," she said, looking at the stormy gray eyes of the dog. Those eyes looked familiar, inviting. "Who do you belong to?"

The dog whined and rubbed its ear against her arm, and Samantha laughed. She began to pet it enthusiastically, sitting up for better access.

"All right, all right. I can see you're friendly." The dog barked happily as she scratched behind its ears. "It's good to have some company."

She and the dog and played and cuddled for a while, maybe an hour, and Samantha was getting tired. She sat down with her back to the trunk of a nearby tree, sighing deeply. The dog rested its head happily in her lap, looking up at her eagerly.

"I don't know how I'm going to do it, doggy," she said sadly. "I mean, I've never had a boyfriend before. How do you tell someone you don't want to be with them?"

The dog looked up at her, interested.

"He's so sweet. I don't want to hurt him," she whispered. "And Sirius says he loves me. But I don't love Remus back. How do I know what love even feels like, anyway? I mean… I like him. Not Remus, but…" She looked up at the clouds, thinking of Sirius. "But it doesn't matter. He doesn't like me back. He can't. He's too good for me, and he could have any girl he wants. I mean, he and Remus had that fight, but still. That had to have been a one-off. Sirius doesn't want me."

The dog was very attentive now, wagging its tail furiously and licking her face eagerly.

"Stop, stop!" she laughed. "It tickles!"

The dog did stop and they cuddled for a while longer. Samantha then checked her watch and realized it was nearly time for dinner. She scratched the dog comfortably as she got up and gave it a quick kiss on the snout.

"I have to go, okay?" she said, getting up. "I have to eat."

The dog whined a bit and tried to follow her, but she gave it a sad look and it got the message, sitting down on the lawn as she went inside, watching her go with those sad and strangely familiar gray eyes.

At dinner, Sirius was strangely subdued, and seemed to be deep in thought, staring at his vegetables as James gave his parents a vibrant play-by-play of his amazing performance in their Quidditch match that morning. Samantha was still lost in her thoughts of what to say when she let Remus down. She would have to do it before they left for school.

The next two days went along exactly the same way. Samantha would go outside hoping to find the big black dog, and after several minutes of waiting, she was not disappointed. They would play, cuddle, and she would tell it about her fears, even getting to the point where she was telling the dog about how she thought she might be feeling about Sirius, and how scary it was. The third day, however, the dog didn't come. Sirius did.

"Hey, Sami," he said, with a nervous smile, sitting down next to her, back to the tree. "Whatchya doing?"

"Oh just thinking," she said softly, not wanting to tell him about the dog. She looked up at the clouds, but seconds later, his face was in front of hers as he crouched playfully in front of her.

"Thinking about what?" he whispered.

Oh, his lips were right there. If she just leaned forward just a little bit… She could brush it off as an accident if he didn't want it… She bit her own lip.

"N-nothing important," she breathed.

"I shouldn't do this," he muttered, but before Samantha had a chance to ask him what it was he shouldn't do, his lips were pressed cautiously to hers. Were those fireworks going off in her head? When she didn't pull away, he deepened the kiss, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip.

Though the kiss hadn't lasted long, when he pulled away, they were both breathless and panting.

"Remus is going to kill me," he whispered.

"Sirius," she whispered, not really knowing what to say, but he just shook his head, traced his thumb along her chin, got to his feet, and went back inside.

Not really sure what had just happened or why, not even sure that it had even happened in the real world and not a dream, Samantha sighed heavily and went back to staring at the sky. She would see Remus tomorrow. Now she really had to break up with him.

The next morning, Samantha rolled out of bed, knowing Remus would be there for lunch and would be staying for several days. Should she break up with him at the beginning, or the end? She had no idea what would hurt the least. With a sigh, Samantha found a towel and readied herself to go and take a shower. She walked down the hall to the bathroom and walked in to find Sirius standing at the mirror, a towel around him, his hear soaking wet and his body glistening. He had just taken a shower. Samantha wasn't familiar with the feeling building behind her gut, but it was pleasant and it grew stronger as she gazed at his muscular body.

"I – I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I should have knocked."

He grinned nervously.

"Nah, don't worry about it, come on in."

Samantha's heart was pounding furiously as she stepped in and closed the door, still staring at his toned chest. If she had looked up at his face, she would have seen him smirking as he watched her staring at him, or maybe even him looking her up and down in her own towel. Before she had a chance to say any more awkward and nervous things, he leaned down, lifted her chin and pressed another short, sweet kiss to her lips. This one was more confident than the last, but lasted no longer. Without a word, the kiss was over and Sirius had stepped around her and headed off down the hall to his own room. As soon as he was gone, Samantha sank to the floor, throwing her head back in frustration and hitting it on the door. Fabulous.

Well, not the kiss, though that was admittedly fabulous. Samantha was thinking sardonically about how fabulous it was that Sirius hardly was saying anything to her since that first kiss, but it seemed he didn't mind kissing her when no one was around. And then there was Remus. And all thoughts of her dilemma were instantly shoved to the side as thoughts of Sirius's body took over. Was it even legal to look like that? Samantha found herself taking the longest, coldest shower of her life.

By the time Remus had arrived, Samantha still had no idea what to do. Remus greeted her incredibly enthusiastically, hugging her tightly and pressing light kisses on her neck, cheek, lips, nose and forehead, telling her how much he missed her. She smiled and said she missed him too, which was true, but probably not in the same way. Sirius was watching them with an unreadable expression, but his eyes were strange and stormy… like gray fire. Gray eyes… Remus must have caught her confused frown because he asked her what was wrong.

"Oh, nothing," she said, forcing her features back into a polite smile. "I was just thinking of something."

She couldn't do this. She had to tell him now. This figuring out what to say and when was confusing and painful, and he didn't deserve to be led along.

"Can I talk to you privately?"

"Sure, love," he said smiling happily, obviously completely unaware of what was about to happen. Samantha led him down the hall to the library and closed the door, pacing furiously, wondering what to say, how to say it. She didn't even know why she was breaking up with him, other than she didn't love him. But you couldn't say that to someone, could you? That would be so painful to hear.

"Sam?" he whispered from near the door. "What's wrong? You're starting to scare me."

Swallowing hard, freezing in her tracks and turning to face him with what she knew must be the most pained and sad expression possible, Samantha began to cry.

"Remus, I don't know what to say. You're just the sweetest guy, and I've never done this before. I don't want to hurt you, but I have to… I just don't… I'm so sorry."

He stared at her in shock for a few seconds, and she could see the tears pooling in his eyes as he realized what she was saying. He nodded with a jerk and his eyes dropped to stare at her shoes.

"What changed?"

"I did," she whispered. "I'm not the girl you used to date, Remus. I don't remember her, I don't know her, and I tried so hard to keep things as normal for you as possible, but I just don't feel anything for you as strong as I ought to. I don't know what else to do."

"It's not your fault," he muttered. "It's Sirius's fault."

"What?" she yelped, wondering if he knew Sirius had taken to kissing her at random.

"He's the one who hurt you," Remus sniffed. He was crying now. He was shaking with grief. "He broke you and now…"

"Shh," said Samantha, moving to him, not sure of what to do. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "This isn't his fault. Don't blame him, please. It was an accident. I care about you, truly, but I can't bring myself to love you, Remus. I've tried."

"I know," he said, burying his face in her hair. "I just wish there was something I could do, but I know there's not."

"So… are we still friends?" said Samantha quietly, feeling incredibly guilty and awful.

"Of course, Sam," he sniffed. "I can't not be your friend. You mean too much to me."

"Good," she sighed. "Let's go get lunch then, okay?"

He nodded, saying he would be out in a minute. Knowing he probably wanted to let out his feelings alone, she left him sighing heavily, still feeling incredibly guilty as she made her way out to lunch, where James was making sandwiches furiously.

"Hey, Sam," he said with a grin. "Where's Remus?"

"Um, he'll be out soon," she mumbled, looking sadly at the sandwiches on her plate. "I think he needed to be alone for a little while."

"Why?" said James stupidly, but Sirius smacked the back of his head.

"It's okay, Sirius," said Samantha with a sigh. "We just broke up, and he's not taking it wonderfully."

"Why'd you dump him?" said James, confused, earning him another smack from Sirius as tears filled Samantha's eyes.

"I didn't love him, okay?" she moaned, pushing the plate away and running off to her room, jumping on her bed, and unleashing a torrent of tears into her pillow. James had almost accused her of making Remus unhappy, and he was right. She had broken Remus's heart. What kind of monster was she?

There was a knock at the door and she heard Sirius's voice calling, "Sami? Can I come in?"

She gave a sort of strangled cry, which he obviously interpreted as an okay, because he came in, closing the door behind him, and giving her a sad look, moving to her bed and sitting down, stroking her hair.

"Are you okay, Sami?"

Samantha shook her head and began sobbing even more violently. She didn't feel okay. She felt incredibly awful. She cried for about a half hour, sobbing herself into a frenzy, and then she felt actually sick. Without a word to Sirius, she leapt up and ran to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. Sirius followed her and sat down next to her on the floor, holding back her hair as she emptied everything in her stomach into the toilet, shaking and sobbing still, until there was nothing left. She gave about ten dry heaves, which were incredibly painful before she fell backward into Sirius's lap, weakly. He reached over her, flushed the toilet, and wet a towel using the bath faucet, wiping her face clean before placing a kiss on her sweaty, clammy forehead. All the while, he was stroking her hair and holding her, but she couldn't calm down.

"I'm such an awful person," she croaked. "He loved me."

"No," whispered Sirius. "You're the best person I know. You always have been. It's better to let him go if you don't love him than to keep hanging on because you don't want to hurt him."

"Then why do I feel so bad?" she moaned, more tears running down her face. Where did all these tears come from?

Sirius didn't answer. He just pulled her closer to him on his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. They sat there like that for a few minutes before he said, "Because you're a good person and you don't like seeing people hurt. But you have to know, Sami, it would have been worse if you had waited."

He was right, of course. That was exactly why she had decided to do it then in the first place. But it hurt so badly.

"Will it ever stop hurting?" she moaned, leaning back into the comfort of Sirius, not noticing him tense as she did, distressed as she was.

"With time," he whispered. "With time and love."

Samantha knew that somewhere in the Potter Manor, Remus was dealing with the news in his own way, crying, shouting, throwing books. Whatever it was that made him think he might feel better. But it was all in vain. Like Sirius said, nothing would make this better right away. Still, in Sirius's arms, Samantha suddenly felt calmer, more at peace with her decision.

"I did the right thing, didn't I?" she muttered, almost to herself as she turned a little in his lap and buried her face into his chest.

"Yeah, Sami, you did," He muttered, resting his chin comfortably on her head. "You always do."

"Always?"

"Always."

"What if I do something stupid? I must make mistakes."

"You do," he admitted. "But never on the big things. You always make the right decision when push comes to shove on the big stuff."

She could have sworn that he mumbled something very much like, "Which is why you'll never be mine," into her hair, but then, it was so muffled, and she was so desperate to hear something complimentary that clearly her mind had fooled her into thinking she was hearing what she wanted to hear. He probably just mumbled nonsense and she was making words out of it to feel more comforted.

Either way, it made her feel just a little bit better. She was just starting to doze off when she heard the door swing open and James was there, looking down at them with a terrified look.

"Damn it, you two," he cried. "Remus is in crisis and the first thing you do is cuddle? What the hell is wrong with you guys?"

Samantha, of course, started sobbing again, this time into Sirius's chest, grasping at his shirt viciously, as though trying to rip away the guilt form her heart. In crisis? That was really bad, wasn't it?

"Nice work, Prongs," growled Sirius angrily, petting her hair. "I had just gotten her calmed down. Remus isn't the only one in crisis, you idiot. Now what's wrong with him?"

"Aside from having thrown every book in the library?" said James, looking down at the frantic Samantha with awe in his eyes. "He's on the roof. I think he's thinking about jumping."

"What?" cried Samantha. "No! No, he can't do that! I'll get back with him, I'll do whatever he wants, he can't kill himself!"

"Samantha Collins!" barked Sirius, "Stop freaking out right now!" She blinked at him, shocked that he had just yelled at her. "There," he said in a calmer, soothing voice. "Now, listen to me, Remus's panic isn't your fault, okay? Do not change your decisions just because he's a bit confused right now. Now, James and I need to go and talk with him, but I need to know you'll be okay in here without me while I'm up there, and I need you to be strong, okay? If you can't do that, I'll stay here and we can send up James's parents, but I think he really needs me."

She sniffed heavily. She didn't want Sirius to leave her. She was in crisis too, as Sirius had said, and she needed him. But so did Remus, and it was her fault. It would be horrible and selfish to keep him to herself. She could be okay for just a little bit, until they got Remus down off the roof. Then she would need him again.

"Okay," she whispered. "But please don't be long."

He smiled sadly and kissed her forehead again.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't you dare leave this floor, Sami," he added as he set her down on it gently, getting up to join James.

As soon as he closed the door, a tear fell down her cheek, but it wasn't for her guilt at hurting Remus. It was for the loss of Sirius, however temporary. How very confusing…


	8. Dancing Lessons

Remus seemed to be doing better. They had managed to coax him off the room, keep him away from all sharp objects, and stop him from breaking any of the Potter's possessions. By the end of the week, when he went back home, he was able to talk to Samantha in an almost civil way and only cried a little when he did so. Samantha was doing better too. Sirius had cuddled her the whole day after they had gotten Remus off the roof and told her it wasn't her fault until she almost believed him. She had stopped sobbing, except when James said something stupid, and by the end of the week she was able to keep food down.

As soon as Remus had taken the Floo Network back to his own home, Sirius took Samantha by the hand and led her outside to the tree she liked to sit by to think and sat down, pulling her down into his lap and holding her, petting her hair.

"I have a confession to make," said Sirius quietly, after about thirty minutes of sitting in silence.

"What's that?" she muttered sleepily into his chest. Being properly guilt-ridden was an exhausting venture.

"I'm happy you two are broken up."

She looked up at him, curious, but he didn't say another word on the subject. He just looked down at her comfortingly, nuzzling her hair with his nose. His eyes met hers with an unreadable expression. Those gray eyes…

"Sirius, this is going to sound strange."

"Try me."

"I know a dog who has your eyes."

He barked with laughter. Surely he thought she was crazy, and she blushed, but to her surprise, he kissed her cheek warmly and whispered, "That is an interesting coincidence. Do you like this dog?"

"Very much," she said happily, nuzzling her face into his chest once more. "I haven't seen him in a while, but he comforts me. He always seems so happy to see me, and I don't feel like I have to try to be someone he's expecting to make him happy. He's just happy that I'm there, just me."

Sirius didn't say anything, but he hugged her tighter.

"I'm pretty happy with who you are."

A single tear fell down her cheek.

"Don't you wish, though, sometimes, that you had the Samantha you knew before back? Don't you ever get frustrated that I'm not the girl you grew up with?"

"Sometimes I miss her," he admitted, "but you'll always be Sami, and I love the new you."

He hadn't said he loved her. He said that he loved her personality. It was a friendly sort of thing to say, not romantic in the slightest. Still, Samantha couldn't help but feel a little better about everything, knowing that at least she hadn't disappointed him.

After an hour of sitting there in silence, it was starting to become dark and colder and Sirius wrapped his arms even more tightly around Samantha. She looked up to smile in gratitude and saw something strange in his eyes. She wasn't sure what it was, but before she could ask him what he was thinking, he pressed his lips softly to hers, holding them there for a moment, as though waiting for her to pull away.

She didn't. Instead, she savored the feel of his lips on hers. They were soft and warm, molding against hers perfectly. Her stomach was making strange, twisting movements, which was probably a product of not having kept much food down for a whole week. Sirius's hand moved to her neck gently, holding her face against his and tangling his fingers up in her hair as he sucked her lip just a little bit before pulling away, his forehead pressed to hers. Then, with a sad smile, he sighed and said, "We ought to get you inside. It's getting cold."

"Okay," Samantha conceded, confused about what had just happened but she stood, allowing Sirius to stand. He took her hand and walked her inside and to her room.

"I'm going to get ready for bed, Sami," he said with a soft smile. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Of course. Good night Sirius."

She gave him a sweet smile and his own smile brightened as he kissed her forehead and closed the door behind him. Samantha changed into her nightclothes and put on her robe to go to brush her teeth and heard voices coming from Sirius's room. The door wasn't all the way closed and Samantha heard her name and she froze.

"You need to stop this, Sirius. She doesn't remember any of it."

"It doesn't change how I feel, James."

"Remus will kill you if he ever finds out. He'll think this is all your fault."

"Please, there's no way for him to ever find out. Besides, after what Peter told us about Avery, and the three guys I knew about, he'd have to be a mass murderer to lay the blame on every guy Sami had been in a broom cupboard with while they were together."

Samantha's eyes widened and she sank to the floor, back to the wall so that they could see her. What had she done?

"I don't think Remus will be able to bring himself to blame her for being a whore."

"Don't you dare call her that!" Sirius hissed. "She was no worse than I was. We were just rebelling, you know that."

"But you never had a steady girlfriend."

"No, but I did have a fiancée."

"Yeah," snorted James, "a fiancé who was dating someone else and snogging every other willing guy in broom cupboards."

"You know it was never like that, James."

"Oh, really, Padfoot? Enlighten me. What was it like?"

"Look, we found out that we had been betrothed at birth when we were eight. You know us, we were too spirited to take that lying down, no matter how much we liked each other. That's the reason Sami started dating Remus in the first place, because she knew it would drive her parents over the moon she was dating a werewolf. But I loved her, and she wanted other experiences, especially since we were going to spend the rest of our lives together whether we wanted to or not, and when she said we ought to get used to each other, who the hell was I to say no? But I promise you, there wasn't even any inappropriate touching. She was Remus's girl. It was snogging. That was all."

"Sirius, I know you think it was all okay, but if anybody but the three of us knew about this, you'd be finished, and so would Sam. I thought you two were going to call off the engagement when you turned seventeen?"

Sirius sighed.

"That's what we told people so we could live our lives, but she didn't really want to lose the Collins fortune, and I can't blame her for that. She had her parents, and pretty much the whole world, wrapped around her little finger. She lied to pretty much everyone but me. She wasn't abject to being the heiress of the Black fortune. She might have even poisoned my parents after the wedding to speed along the process, and I wouldn't have stopped her."

"Yeah, I get it, she's a nasty piece of work. On with the story."

"Well, you saw her after I got disowned. She was angry at me for running away and ruining all our plans."

"Wow, and here I was thinking Sam was mad that your mother had used your body as target practice for her knives. My mistake."

"Yeah… well, and any chance I ever had of being with her died when I got disinherited. And now that I know she actually did fool around with Avery… It really stings."

"I bet. I bet it stung even worse for Moony."

"I get it, Prongs, I'm a terrible friend. Well, and then in my anger and grief at losing her I almost got her killed."

"So that's why you did it."

"Yeah… bad plan. Anyway, what it did, though, was it gave me a second chance. Don't you see?"

"No. I see nothing other than you making out with your ex-fiancee who is suffering from serious amnesia and doesn't remember that she hates you for being disowned because she's a gold-digging bitch."

"You do realize she's one of your best friends?"

"Oh, of course, Prongs, and I love her truly, but let's face it, she's a nasty piece of work."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Anyway, she doesn't love Remus, and she never did, but she doesn't remember why she was with him in the first place. None of the things that mattered to her before matter now. She's just looking for love. She's not the Sami we all knew, but she's still the little girl I fell in love with and I have a chance to get her back now. Now that she doesn't care about the gold or the status, she might give it up to be with me."

"That's assuming she actually loves you."

"She does," said Sirius in a confident voice. "She has to. I'm sure of it."

"'Kay… Well, I'll believe it when I see it."

"I seem to remember saying that to you about Evans… Still no luck there, Prongs."

"She'll come around."

"Sure she will."

Samantha couldn't listen anymore. She had heard more than she wanted already. Forgetting to brush her teeth, wash her face, everything, she rushed back into her room, closed the door quietly, and curled up on her bed, deep in thought. She was a horrible person, it was true, but not for what she had done since she got here, but for the things she had done before the accident. She not only didn't love Remus, but she didn't deserve him.

And part of her wanted to hate Sirius for not telling her all of this, wanted to refuse his advances because he had been using her under false pretenses, but part of what he said made her wonder…. She wasn't the same person anymore. She was a better person. She followed her heart now, and not the social pressures that had made her into such a monster before. What if she really did love Sirius? Would it be a good idea to ignore that just because he took advantage of her before? What if there was only one love in the world for her and she was too stubborn to love him back because of something like her own awful past? It wasn't Sirius's fault she had been so messed up. She would blame that on the people who were her parents.

Samantha didn't know what to do, and if she hadn't been so utterly exhausted from her traumatic week with Remus, she wouldn't have been able to sleep that night. As it was, her dreams were troubled, playing out every worst case scenario possible.

The next morning, Samantha awoke to someone shaking her gently. She rolled over and looked up into the smiling face of Sirius. All her worries from the night before faded away as he smiled down at her, kissing her cheek softly.

"It's time for breakfast, Sami," he muttered. "Did you sleep well?"

No. No, she slept horribly because she found out that she was a horrible person who had been living in a web of lies her whole life.

"Fine, thank you," she said.

Another lie. This was getting to be far too easy to do.

"I'm glad," he whispered, pressing his lips gently to hers. She pulled away this time, as she ought to have done all the times before.

"Sirius," she whispered, not entirely sure what she was going to say.

But she waited too long and his lips were on hers again. This time, she didn't pull back right away. His fingertips were searching through her hair as he poured his passion into that long, slow, and surprisingly chaste kiss. Her senses did, eventually snap back to reality and she pulled back.

"Sirius, I just broke up with Remus."

"I know," he said, amused.

"I don't think this is the greatest idea."

He sighed.

"Of course, love," he said, "but keep me in mind for when you're feeling better, please."

Before she could answer – and how does one answer such a statement? – he stood and left her room, allowing her to change for breakfast. With a great sigh, Samantha rolled out of bed and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and walked down to breakfast. To her mild surprise, Mr. and Mrs. Potter were still around. Mostly, they left the teenagers to their own devices, but Mrs. Potter smiled up at her as she entered.

"Ah, good, you're awake, dear. I'm going to have you all help me prepare for the gathering. It's in three days and I need all the help I can get."

She had almost forgotten the gathering.

"Of course, Mrs. Potter," she said graciously. "When do we get started?"

"Just after breakfast," said Mrs. Potter with a smile. "And I got word back from Professor Dumbledore. He has agreed to refuse to release you."

"Excellent," said Samantha, feeling a rush of relief for the first time in weeks. Everyone at the table was grinning with this news.

They ate their breakfast in a peaceful sort of silence, and when the last of the food was consumed, Mr. Potter went off along his own business and Mrs. Potter led the three teenagers into the Hall for readying it for the event.

"All right, we'll have tables set up in the back. Your father will take care of those. And then the dancing will take place up here, in the larger area, of course."

"Dancing?" said Samantha nervously.

"Yes, dear, dancing, it's customary."

"Um," she said, nervously. "I don't know how to dance…"

Mrs. Potter considered her for a moment.

"All right, Sirius, you take Sam off to the side chamber and teach her to dance. That will be your project for the day. Don't forget the other general social rules and things. James will help me with the decorations."

"What?" whined the boys in unison.

"Why can't James teach her how to dance? I hate dancing," muttered Sirius.

"Why can't Sirius decorate? It's–"

"If you dare say that it's women's work, James Potter, I swear on my wand you'll be doing the whole thing yourself!" roared Mrs. Potter. "And Sirius, dear, you'll be teaching her because James is a horrible dancer."

James smirked at that, as though it was something to be proud of.

"It's not my fault if I'm more graceful than he is," said Sirius, a smirk forming on his own lips. "It's what he gets for spending half his life on a broomstick. He doesn't know how to move on the ground."

"In any event, someone needs to teach her, and you're what we've got, so please…"

"Yeah, Mum, I'm on it," said Sirius, offering his arm to Samantha in the most gentlemanly fashion imaginable. She stared at his arm for a moment in surprise.

"You're supposed to take it, Sami," he said, a twinkle in his gray eyes. Gray eyes…

She took his arm, though he informed her she did it wrong, so they stood there for ten minutes, with all three of them showing her how to properly take a man's arm. Once they were satisfied she could do that correctly, Sirius led her off to the side chamber, informing her she needed to glide, not walk, when she was at the party. Samantha had no idea what he was talking about, but tried her best to follow all of his posture suggestions.

"All right," he said, as he closed the door to the small room. "So, I guess I'll have to teach you all the basic dances."

"Which are?" she said, nervously. There wasn't a lot of space in this room and she and Sirius were incredibly close together already.

"Well, the waltz, of course, and the Pavan, Galliards, Almain, and the Volt."

A grin spread across his face at this last one.

"I think we ought to save that one for last. So, Pavan is what we'll start with. There's only five steps, so it should be easy enough. Then, we'll moved to Galliards. It's faster, and so it's a good complement to Pavan. The Almain – actually, I don't think we're doing that one. She hasn't got the right instruments for it, I think. So then we'll waltz, which is fairly simple, only three counts. And then the Volt, my favorite."

"Why's that?"

"You'll see," he said with a wink.

Mrs. Potter had been right in having Sirius teach Samantha to dance. He was not only an amazingly graceful dancer, but he was an incredible teacher and she learned quickly under his careful instruction. Occasionally, he would throw out suggestions for how to hold herself in general throughout the night, how to address her dance partners, and what to do in various social situations. When they finally got to The Volt, Samantha didn't have a hard time figuring out what it was Sirius loved about it. If any of the dances could be called sexy, this one was it.

He held her incredibly close, and he made her do the dance about twice as many times as he had insisted she do the others, and at the end of the last time, they stood alone in the middle of the room, still embracing each other tightly. Samantha looked up at his face breathlessly.

"Was it good?"

Instead of answering her, Sirius leaned down and kissed her passionately. The world was moving in slow motion, and it took her a moment to realize Sirius had backed her into the divan that was on the edge of the room. She fell back on it and he crawled on top of her, still kissing her as though the world was ending. When his tongue ran lightly across her bottom lip, Samantha opened her mouth to cry out in objection, but her cries were cut off by his tongue entering her mouth and all protest was forgotten. His tongue explored her mouth and she felt incredibly dizzy with the heat and passion emanating from him. She was supposed to feel guilty. She was supposed to feel horrible. So why did this feel so incredibly right?

"Mum wants to know if you guys… BLOODY HELL, PADFOOT!"

Sirius pulled away and turned to look at James, who had appeared at the previously closed door.

"Mum wants to know what, Prongs?"

**A/N: I'm working on an idea for a new story. Let me know if you guys think it has potential.**

_**Sirius couldn't believe his eyes. That was Matty Clondon, the love of his life, and she had two identical twins, about two years younger than Harry, in tow. The girls were the spitting image of his cousin, Narcissa. Those had to be his kids. The question was, how did he do anything about it, since he was supposed to be a crazed mass murderer?**_


	9. When First We Practice

"Oh, god," muttered Samantha as she attempted to scrambled out from underneath Sirius, but he held her there, his body pinning her tightly to the divan without actually hurting her.

"Don't go," he said, his voice like an order, but his eyes pleading. His gray eyes…

"Sirius, please," she whispered, feeling the crimson heat rising in her cheeks while James looked on, horrified.

"Sirius, I can't believe you!" he cried as Sirius began to stroke Samantha's face gentle, with a tremor that was unmistakable.

"Sod it, James," growled Sirius. "You can tell Mum that we're getting into the Volt and that we're not done yet."

"Ugh, that explains it," said James with a shudder. "But I'm not telling Mum that, you're clearly done dancing. Get your arse out here and help!"

Sirius smirked, but didn't turn to face James.

"You are familiar with the Volt, James. As far as I'm concerned, we're not done with the dance lesson so you can just bugger off and give Mum the message I said."

James muttered a string of frustrated obscenities as he left the room, slamming the door behind him and Samantha shrank back as Sirius tried to kiss her again.

"Sirius, please, I just broke up with Remus," she breathed.

"I know," he murmured, nipping playfully at her jawline. "You're done with him. It's been a week, Sami. Things are better now. Let me fix it."

She shook her head and scooted backwards, pulling her jawline out of his reach, so he instead began nuzzling her breasts with his nose through her t-shirt.

"Unh… Sirius, stop, please," she whined. "I can't do this right now. I just can't."

He pulled his head up with a snap and looked earnestly into her eyes with his. His gray eyes…

"Does that mean that someday…?"

"It just means not now, Sirius," she said honestly. "I have things to figure out before I even think of dating anyone else." After his face arranged into a hurt expression, she bit her lip and said, "Like not becoming the unwilling wife of Avery."

The hurt melted off his face instantly and he nodded, looking as though he had just been punched.

"Of course," he muttered. "I shouldn't have been so insensitive, it's just I…" His eyes trailed along her body, which caused her to squirm uncomfortably under the gaze of his gray eyes… "But don't expect me to give up on you," he added. "I'm never giving up on you, Sami, never."

He leaned forward and placed a sweet, chaste kiss on her cheek before climbing off her, giving her a sad, longing look, before rearranging his features into his typical, haughty smirk and leaving her alone in the side chamber.

Samantha began to wonder if she had done the right thing, breaking up with Remus. At the time, Sirius had assured her she had, but now that she knew he had his own reasons for wanting her to not be with Remus, she wasn't sure she believed him. It was difficult to say exactly what James thought, but from what she could tell it wasn't complimentary toward her original decision. What she needed was Lily, but Lily was far away in the Muggle world, and Samantha wouldn't see her until August, at the least. Well, she assumed she was far away physically, but she was certainly distant for all effectiveness.

But Samantha needed female assistance, and it came to her as though asked for aloud, in the form of Mrs. Potter, who must have become curious when Sirius came out without her.

"Sam, are you…?" Mrs. Potter looked down at her and her expression turned into a motherly one of pity. "Oh, dear, what's wrong?" She sat beside Samantha, wrapping her arms around her in the way a mother should. "Tell me what's on your mind."

Tears streaming mercilessly down her face, Samantha voiced her confusing with breaking up with Remus, her mixed emotions at overhearing the conversation between James and Sirius the night before, of having Sirius approach her as he had been, of knowing James didn't approve.

"What do I do?" she moaned. "I don't know how I feel about anything anymore."

"I'm not sure that's true, dear," said Mrs. Potter kindly patting her hair. "How do you feel about Sirius?"

"I don't know," she sobbed back. "I don't know how I should feel…"

"I'm not asking about what you _should_ feel," whispered Mrs. Potter calmly. "I'm asking about what you _do_ feel."

Samantha blinked. How did she feel? How did she feel about Sirius? She missed him, and he hadn't been gone five minutes. She cared about him, certainly, and she had long been attracted to him. She was also frustrated with him for him using her, but she didn't know what she would do without him. She blinked again and looked up at Mrs. Potter, who was smiling down at her.

"I think I like him, but I…"

"You don't have to make up your mind right now, Sam, but don't push him away because of what you should and shouldn't do. Sirius has made plenty of mistakes, but I've watched you two together for years, and there's not a thing in this world he cares more about than you. He's done some pretty stupid things to try to show it, but he means well."

Samantha nodded and left the side chamber with Mrs. Potter to help with decorating. Her eyes didn't meet Sirius's, despite his obvious attempts to catch her eyes, and every time they accidentally met James's eye, he frowned and turned away, as if trying to figure out who was to blame for the whole situation in the side room. Samantha wasn't sure herself who was to blame. Sirius had kissed her, true, but she hadn't pushed him away.

The time between then and the fancy pureblood event, Sirius effectively avoided Samantha. She would look at him, and he would look away. For someone who had promised never to give up, he looked incredibly defeated, and Samantha felt horrible, as though it was her fault that Sirius had no laughter in his eyes anymore. His gray eyes…

Mrs. Potter brought a dress in for her the morning of the event. It was long and proper, woven of fine unicorn hair, with a corset top. As Mrs. Potter helped Samantha put it on, in all its pale gold glory, Samantha had vague thoughts of confusion as to why she wasn't allowed to breath flit across her oxygen deprived mind. The world wasn't supposed to spin like that.

"Mrs. Potter," gasped Samantha, "does it have to be so tight?"

"Tight?" laughed Mrs. Potter airily. "Oh, dear, I did it up loosely, just as you always ask. You must have forgotten what tight feels like. James will escort you down."

"Not Sirius?" moaned Samantha, not sure why she had asked. Sirius would have refused if Mrs. Potter had asked it of him, she was sure of it.

"Sirius will have to come down later, dear," said Mrs. Potter. "He's been disowned. He no longer has a house that can claim him, and so he will sneak in after all the formal announcements. He'll be delighted to see you then, I am sure."

"No," breathed Samantha. "Sirius hates me now. He won't even look at me. I'm sure I'm the last person he'll want to see."

"Suit yourself," said Mrs. Potter airily, as she set herself to work on knotting Samantha's hair elegantly, "but I warn you, he's sure to be saving a dance for you, and it wouldn't surprise me if it's the Volt."

Samantha tried to shake her head in despair, knowing he would do no such thing, but Mrs. Potter held it still, as she was in the process of dealing with Samantha's hair.

"Now, dear, when you enter, James will probably remind you of all this, but hold your head high, proud, and stand straight, back straight, shoulders back, as though you own the world. If it feels a little stiff, you're doing it right. Don't walk, glide. Try not to look at the ground at all. When you're walking, there will likely always be a man at your arm to lead you, and if you're dancing there will be a man leading you. Looking at the floor would be an insult, as if you doubt his capability to lead you properly. Don't look down."

"Right, don't look down," repeated Samantha, wringing her hands nervously.

"Don't speak unless spoken to. You're young enough that most people will just expect you to be politely quiet, but if someone does address you, answer only as much as necessary. You don't want them thinking you don't know how to hold your tongue. It's not an attractive quality."

Samantha was fast sensing that she would spend the evening in absolutely miserable silence tripping over everything because she wasn't allowed to look at the ground. How does one even walk in heels without looking at the ground?

Sooner than she would have liked, Samantha was on James's arm, and he was muttering the same types of things at her over and over again, about how to address people, what not to say, and how to walk. It was a nice gesture, but she would have felt better on Sirius's arm, knowing that Sirius was saying cheeky things about rolling back her shoulders to show off her excellent chest.

"Mr. James Potter of House Potter and Miss Samantha Collins of House Collins," said the announcer. James smiled at her and led her down the flight of stairs into the main ballroom, where many more important people had gathered already. James muttered the names and information of people who nodded at them as he glided her past, toward the food, which they had agreed would be their first stop before he had her waltz.

Halfway through the waltz, which Samantha knew she was far too tense for, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and James's face went bizarrely blank as he looked at whoever was behind her.

"I'll be cutting in, Potter," said the voice of the boy the people who were her parents wished her to marry. "It's time I danced with my fiancée."

James's lips thinned ever so slightly, but he nodded and said, "Of course, Avery."

So James gave her a small smile and a nod, letting go of her and stepping back as Avery turned her around.

"Well hello, Collins," said Avery with a smirk. "Been behaving yourself in this house?"

"Naturally," said Samantha, allowing him to lead her around the dance floor. "And why would I not be?"

"Black is living here, is he not?" said Avery, the smirk deepening. "You know his reputation as well as I, my _dear_."

"I assure you, Avery," she said softly, "I have held myself to the highest levels of conduct."

"Been kissing your pet wolf lately?" he said, dropping his voice even lower.

"Remus and I are done," she muttered, holding her voice as steadily as possible. "The dance is almost over," she added. "How much of the evening shall we spend together? James expects me later on."

"I expect to dance with you once more," he said softly, and her heart became lighter. That is, until he leaned forward and whispered, "You'll save the Volt for me, _darling_."

Thankfully, her head was turned so he couldn't see her eyes widen. That dance was going to be the death of her. He let go of her on the edge of the dance floor, near the food. It was then she heard a voice in her ear, just as Avery went away across the floor to some of his Slytherin friends.

"Good evening, Sami," breathed Sirius. "You look divine."

Samantha turned and looked up at him. For the first time since that day in the side room, he didn't look away.

"I'm going to steal you away from the party," he said softly. "Your bloody fiancé's danced with you. You'll dance with me later. But for now, I think we need to talk."

"Sirius, do you think this is the very best time?"

He nodded, and held out an arm to her. She looked at it sadly. With a sharp nod, she took his arm and allowed him to lead her off to that same side room. With a look around, he closed the door behind them and led her to the bench.

"Sami," he whispered, stroking her hair gently. "Sami, I'm sorry with how I've behaved. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've been remarkably unfair to you."

She just stared at him, not sure what to think. Was she supposed to say something? Was she supposed to really even have a clue what he was talking about?

"Sami, I know I've screwed up a lot of things for a lot of people with my stupidity, and I almost lost you. I know that. But I have a proposition."

Samantha nodded to show him she was listening, not sure what else she could do.

"Marry me, Sami."

Her eyebrows flew up her forehead, her eyes became wider than was probably healthy, and her jaw dropped to the floor.

"Um, Sirius, I really don't know you well enough to get married," she muttered. "And I'm not even out of school yet."

"Right, I know, I just," he frowned. "Okay, maybe I didn't figure this all out as well as I thought I did."

Samantha sighed. Sirius was beyond impulsive. He was down-right stupid sometimes.

"Sirius, I'd like to date someone before I marry them, and I'd like to really get to know them."

"We can do that," he said, his face lighting up instantly. "We can get to know each other and date and stuff."

"Can we?" she said softly. "With Remus…"

"No," he said firmly, holding her chin in his hand as she tried to turn away from him. "You're not going to push me away because of Remus. That's over, Sami. I love you, and I'm begging you to give me a chance to prove it."

They stared at each other for what felt like a long time. Then, suddenly, before she even realized what she was doing, Samantha had inched her face so close to his that she could feel his breath on her lips. They lingered like that, only for a moment, and then Sirius's lips pressed to hers and she realized she had done the right thing. It felt perfect, blissful, and there was nothing to worry about. Sirius loved her. She didn't know exactly what she felt, but whatever it was felt wonderful, and hadn't been there with Remus.

Sirius pushed her down on the bench again, and suddenly they were in the same position as the last time they had talked, him eagerly kissing her, with a bruising force against her lips and his tongue fighting to learn all the corners and nooks of her mouth. Somehow, despite it being Sirius Black hovering over her body and kissing her as though the world was going to end, that was all he did. There was no touching, no pushing, and certainly no shagging. After what felt like forever, Sirius pulled back and admired her face fondly and said, "We should rejoin the party. I imagine your fiancé expects a dance with you later?"

"He's asked for the Volt," mumbled Samantha as Sirius helped her to her feet. "In fact, he rather demanded it."

Sirius's face contorted with anger, but he gave a bitter nod.

"Of course he did. Well, not if I dance it with you first."

He turned and pressed his ear to the door, listening with concentration in his eyes.

"Perfect," he whispered, "it's next up. We'll wait in here just a little bit and then…"

He froze. With a sharp nod of his head, Sirius offered Samantha his arm, opened the door and led her directly out onto the dance floor. Sure enough, it was the Volt, and Sirius led her straight into the dance, ignoring everything and everyone in the room but her.

The flow was perfect. Apparently Samantha was an incredibly quick study, because they danced together as if he hadn't just taught her the steps, as if they had been dancing this dance together all of their lives, which, according to Mrs. Potter, they had. Suddenly, Samantha saw the face of her fiancé out of the corner of her eye, contorted with rage, standing right beside them.

"I believe I asked you for this dance, Samantha," growled Avery viciously.

"I believe that's my fault, Avery," said Sirius smoothly, not allowing Samantha to stop dancing, but continuing on as though nothing was happening. "Sami and I have been doing this dance together since we were twelve, and I figured since this is probably one of the last times I'll ever get to dance with her, I'd take advantage of it."

"Get your bloodtraitor paws off her, Black," Avery growled dangerously. "You shouldn't have even been allowed at this event, much less with your filthy hands all over my fiancé. Have you forgotten you're no longer the heir of your house? You can't just do whatever you want and expect the world to accept it anymore."

"The dance is nearly over, Avery," said Sirius with a calm sort of snarl, which made Samantha a bit confused. How did one snarl calmly? "You can have her when I'm done."

"Hand her over, Black," snarled Avery in return, in a far less calm manner.

"Now, now, Avery," said Sirius with an almost lazy air, "let's not cause a scene. After all, people will start to think you're like me, a social upstart, and I can imagine how that would look to Sami's parents. After all, that's the very reason she's now engaged to you, and not to me. Wouldn't want to have her slip through your fingers now that she's finally yours, would you? And all over a silly dance."

It was obvious that Avery was seething, but realized that Sirius was right. Nothing good would come out of making a scene. And perhaps it was the fact that Sirius was right that caused Avery to seethe even more. As soon as the song was over, Avery yanked Samantha away from Sirius for the waltz

"I told you we were doing that dance, pet," he snarled in her ear. "I don't recall saying that would be an appropriate time for the traitor to touch you."

"I tried to find you," she lied easily, "but Sirius grabbed me before I really know what was happening. He caught me by surprise."

"Well, that's not going to happen again," snapped Avery, "because you're staying with me the rest of the night, understood?"

It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. No, she didn't get to spend more time with Sirius and James, but Avery didn't hardly bother with her, just held her hand firmly and effectively dragged her around, not caring about her enjoyment, just that she was away from Sirius as he carried on conversing with his friends about which N.E.W.T. level classes they would be taking.

Samantha had managed to surprise herself thoroughly with her O.W.L. scores. She had done incredibly well, having picked excellent study partners. They had truly taught her everything she needed to know, because she passed everything with an E or better except for Divination, which they all admitted to failing. She wondered if the only way to pass that class was guessing really well.

When the event was finally over and all the guests, including Samantha's possessive fiancé, had left the Potter Manor, Samantha went up to her room and collapsed on her bed in the fancy clothes, staring up at the ceiling, too exhausted to move.

There was a light knock on the door and before Samantha could say anything, Sirius came in, closing the door behind him. She sat up and frowned at him.

"I could have been changing."

"That would have been exciting," he said with a wink and a smile. He sat down beside her and started to run his fingers lightly on the exposed skin of her collarbone. She shivered. "We'll need to keep this a secret."

"Keep what a secret?" she said, confused. The fact that he was in her room?

"This," he breathed, pressing his lips to hers. "Us, whatever you want us to be. We can't risk your parents or the Averys knowing until after you're free of them."

Samantha didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say, and he wasn't prompting her to speak. He pressed his lips against hers again, gently, put firmly, and kicked off his shoes. He leaned forward, slipped her heels off her feet, and laid back on her bed, pulling her back with him so that she was resting her head on his chest, her hand on his shoulder, one of his hands on her hand and the other on the small of her back. He kissed the top of her head gently and no more words were said. No more words were needed. They simply fell asleep on Samantha's bed, still in their finest clothes, holding each other as tenderly as they knew how. Somehow, words wouldn't have felt right.


	10. Adjusting

Samantha Collins woke up the next morning in her fancy clothes, in the arms of Sirius Black, who was in the process of placing warm, open-mouthed kisses along her neck. For a moment, the feel of his mouth on her skin and the confusion at waking up to him in her bed was enough to keep her from stopping him. He wasn't looking at her face, and when she let out a small moan of pleasure he looked up and smiled, saying "Good morning, darling" before going back to his work, making her moan even more.

"Sami, have you seen–"

James was standing in her doorway, staring at the pair of them on her bed, eyes as wide as saucers.

"I don't want to know," he muttered. "I don't want to know. I don't want…"

He turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him. Perhaps Samantha was still a little groggy, but she couldn't find it in her to care about what James may have thought was happening. Sirius hadn't stopped running his tongue along her jaw at the sound of James's voice, and Samantha was finding it very difficult to focus on anything but the sensation. Why would she have ever wanted anything other than him when her parents told her they were engaged? Why had she ever looked for something else?

"Sirius," she whimpered as his teeth dragged down her throat toward her chest. She could feel him smiling against her skin as he pressed his lips to the top of her cleavage. Slowly, he swirled his tongue in a pattern up to her ear nibbled the lobe.

"I'm going to make you moan like that every night," he breathed. "I'm going to give you the best time you've ever had. I'm going to worship your body like I've always wanted to. I'm going to make you scream my name."

This was going too fast. Remus had been her first kiss, and that had been little more than a month ago. And now Sirius was already talking about incredibly intimate things.

While it scared her, it was also incredibly fascinating. Sirius Black wanted her. Sirius Black wanted her? Samantha Collins? But she was nobody. She wasn't very pretty, she wasn't very smart, and she had just lost all of her memories and parts of her personality. Why on earth would Sirius Black want anything to do with her? This must all be a dream. She would pinch herself and wake up and find herself passed out in her bed back at her old school, a bandage around her head from where it had been bashed into the brick wall. This whole thing must be some sort of sick hallucination/dream induced by blood loss and brain damage.

She reached down to pinch herself as Sirius buried his face into her hair. It didn't work. She now had a red mark on her arm and she was still in a bed with Sirius Black, who was now smelling her hair.

"Sirius," she murmured, "what happened?"

He froze, frowned, and looked up at her, fear in his eyes.

"No," he said firmly. "No, no, no. We're not doing this again. You didn't hit your head. You're not injured. Please, please tell me that you haven't forgotten everything again?"

Samantha nearly laughed.

"No, I remembered your name, didn't I?" she giggled. "I just want to make sure than I didn't dream all of yesterday."

Sirius gave her an indulgent smile before grazing his fingertips lightly across the skin of her collarbone, going slightly lower every time he crossed the distance. To her great surprise, her breathing changed as he leaned over her face, brushing his lips softly against hers. Samantha was certain her heart had stopped beating for a few seconds, though she wasn't sure when. When it was beating, it was beating so incredibly fiercely that she thought she might die of a heart attack right then and there.

He ran his tongue slowly across her lower lip and her lips parted on their own accord. She was dazed. His tongue then darted quickly into her mouth and Sirius held her body closer to his, exploring her mouth eagerly.

This felt really good. That was all Samantha could think as he was exploring her mouth with his tongue, her body with his hands. It felt more than good, it felt bloody amazing and she didn't want it to stop. Her own hands somehow made their way to his neck and were pulling his face closer against hers. She didn't even need oxygen anymore, she was sure of it. All she needed was for their lips to never part. And then she ran out of air and pulled back, breathing deeply. Maybe oxygen was still more important, even if she'd rather it wasn't.

"Ughn, Sami," Sirius groaned, placing hot kisses down her neck. "Ughn, you have no idea… You've never known what you do to me. I _need_ you."

For a moment, Samantha could think of nothing but how much she enjoyed the feel of his breath on her skin, but then she realized where this was going.

"Sirius," she whimpered, "Sirius we need to stop."

"No," he whined back. "No, we really don't. No, we could just stay here like this for a while. And I can keep making you whine my name like this, because I've got to tell you, it's turning me on…"

"That's why we need to stop," she breathed. "We can't keep on the way you want right now and I feel bad that you… I… ughn…"

Sirius had given her one last playful nip before sighing heavily and sitting up.

"I'm sorry, that was my fault," he said. "But I do want you so badly, and you've denied me so long. I just felt like all my dreams were coming true at once. I guess I got a bit carried away with the moment."

Samantha sighed with relief that he was restraining himself.

"I understand," she said. "But I really need this to go slowly, Sirius."

He nodded, almost sadly, as if trying to be understanding, but not really fully grasping the concept. At least he was making an effort, however dismal.

"We should probably change then," he whispered, his teeth bared and heading for the laces on the front of her dress. Samantha gave a highly uncharacteristic squeal and smacked him playfully on the arm.

"Sirius, go to your own room to get dressed and I'll see you at breakfast."

Sirius moaned, "But I don't want to see you at breakfast, I want to see you in bed."

"Well, I'm hungry," she snapped playfully, "so you're just going to have to take what you can get, won't you, sweetheart?"

She undid the zipper, but didn't take off her dress, just looked around for clothes.

"You're going to be the death of me, Sami," he groaned, leaving her room to go change.

"Sirius," she called across the hall, "can I borrow one of your shirts? I've misplaced mine."

Her bedroom door opened and Sirius's arm stuck through it, holding out a Who t-shirt. She grabbed it, thanked him, gave him enough time to retract his arm before closing the door and pulling the shirt on after her white skinny jeans. Sweeping her hair up into a quick ponytail, Samantha trudged down the hall to breakfast.

The second she walked into the dining room, her eyes met Sirius's. He was looking her up and down with a knowing smirk. It almost made her uncomfortable, and if she hadn't known he was admiring her, she would have felt embarrassed. In a way, she still did. James was eating his eggs with a surprising deliberation, not looking up from his plate as Samantha came in, but mumbling a greeting through a mouthful of eggs.

"Merlin, you look good in my clothes, Sami," said Sirius with a smirk and a wink and James dropped his fork, spit his eggs into a napkin, and stood up angrily.

"Remus is going to kill you, Sirius," James growled.

"Whatever for?" said Sirius loftily as he buttered his toast, pretending he didn't see how completely furious his best friend was. Samantha stood in the doorway, trembling inwardly. They were about to have a fight, she just knew it, and it was going to be over her. Or rather, about her.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Padfoot," snarled James furiously. "If you show up at school in September with Samantha on your arm, you know exactly what Remus is going to think."

"First of all," said Sirius, swallowing a bite of toast, "that's absurd. Secondly, I won't be."

"Oh, you're already planning the breakup date?" said James. "Maybe you should send me a save-the-date card. I'll put it on my calendar. When's it going to be, three days before Hogwarts?"

"Not at all, James," said Sirius. "I just mean we can't let anyone know we're together right away. I'm sure you're bright enough to figure out why."

James's hazel eyes were full of disgust.

"You think Remus won't figure out you were together the whole time just because you wait to go public until after she's been disowned and released from the betrothal? You honestly think he hasn't seen how you look at her? You think he didn't notice the way you ran to her over him when they broke up?"

"James, I'm not going to not do things just because Remus is likely to jump to the wrong conclusion. It sends the wrong message, and it keeps me from something I want more than I've wanted anything."

Standing there, blinking bewilderedly, James just stared at Sirius for a moment. Then he said, softly, "So you'd take her over the Marauders? You'd pick Sam over your Animagus form? You'd rather be with Sam then be free of your parents?"

Sirius didn't look casual anymore. His aristocratic face was contorted in fury and hurt.

"If you made me chose, I would pick her because she was there for me before any of you were. If Sami told me I could never be in animal form again, I would do it. And even though I know Sami would never ask such a thing of me, because she understood how horrible my family was, if she had told me to stay there and take all the abuse they shoved at me until it killed me, I would have. But if you remember, James, she was the one who said I had to get out of there and told me not to die for my own pride."

Both boys were on their feet now. Wands weren't out, fists weren't raised, but Samantha could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. No voices had been raised, no insults had been exchanged, and still, anyone could have seen that this was a very serious fight. She wasn't sure what to do. Make some sort of noise to remind them of her presence? It seemed unlikely they would need reminding, as she was the source of conflict. Stand in between them and hope they didn't lunge at each other? She really couldn't risk getting caught in the crossfire. Too many head injuries would be bad news. Get their parents? But that would take explaining the situation, and Samantha wasn't sure she could face the interrogation from Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

Not realizing she had even done it, Samantha cleared her throat, and both necks snapped around, looking at her. Their eyes were angry, their faces were angry, their breathing patterns were angry. There was nothing about those two boys that wasn't viciously angry and Samantha wanted so badly to be anywhere but where they were both looking, angrily. But they weren't angry with her, she reminded herself, they were angry with each other… about her. Was that really any better? Probably not.

"Please," she said softly, "please don't fight like this."

She could feel the tears tickling her cheeks before she realized she was crying. Sirius rushed to her and hugged her warmly, and she could see the guilty expression on James's face as he stood awkwardly rooted to the spot. Perhaps he felt as though he was intruding on an intimate moment.

"I'm sorry, Sami," Sirius whispered. "I won't say another word if you don't want me to."

Samantha nodded into his chest.

"Oh, good, you're all up!" said Mrs. Potter cheerfully. "I have a luncheon I've got to attend."

"One of the painful ones?" said Sirius with a smirk.

"The very same," said Mrs. Potter with a wink.

"Painful ones?" said Samantha with a frown.

"The lady of each of the most powerful houses in pureblood society meet about once a month for a luncheon," said Sirius with a snort. "So Mrs. Potter has to go, and my mother, and my cousin now that she's married that toerag Lucius. Well, his father just died, so it's her responsibility now. Let's see… Mrs. Selwyn, the old bat. Augusta Longbottom. She's at least a sensible human being, even if she's a bit much. Is that all that's left?"

Mrs. Potter nodded. "Most of the original families splintered, withered or died away."

Samantha blinked.

"Five families effectively rule the pureblood community?"

Sirius nodded with a grin.

"Are you starting to figure out why your mother wanted us to get married? You'd be the lady of the Black house, and you'd be going to all of these horrible luncheons too."

"She wanted me to suffer through horrible luncheons?" said Samantha smoothly.

"She would have relished the thought," said Sirius with a smirk.

"She is quite a barmy old bat, that one?" said James with an equal smirk.

"_James!_" cried his mother, frowning at him.

"What?" said James. "You say the same thing."

"I do not," sniffed Mrs. Potter, but her husband chuckled from behind his newspaper.

"Oh, I don't know about that, dear," he said. "Maybe not in so many words, but you have the same basic sentiment of dear Mrs. Collins."

"Well, maybe if she knew how to raise a child," muttered Mrs. Potter.

"Oh, nobody at those luncheons knows how to raise a child except you and Mrs. Longbottom," said Sirius with a dismissive wave. "And I often wonder if she really even does."

"Frank turned out all right, even if she is a bit…" trailed off Mrs. Potter, shooting a look at her son which caused them all to laugh, even Mrs. Potter.

"So you often wonder?" said James teasingly. "Is this what Padfoot lies awake at night thinking about? Mrs. Longbottom's child-raising abilities?"

Sirius shuddered.

"Don't even joke about that, Prongs. The woman wears a hat with a stuffed vulture on it."

"No, you like your women with disabilities, eh, Padfoot? Mrs. Longbottom's a bit too formidable for you."

Sirius glared at James and the tension in the room thickened instantly.

"James," said Mrs. Potter sharply, "that wasn't a very nice thing to say about Samantha. She doesn't have a disability."

Three jaws dropped to the floor, and Mr. Potter's sniggers could be heard from behind the newspaper that Samantha realized he was holding upside down. That man.

"How did you–"

"Oh, I have eyes, darling, I've seen this coming for years, now. It was pretty much confirmed when I went in to check on Samantha after the party and saw them cuddled up on her bed, fast asleep."

"Ew," moaned James.

"Fully clothed!" protested Sirius. "We were fully clothed!"

"Padfoot, I've known you long enough to know what can be done with clothes on," hissed James, which would have earned him a solid kick in the leg if Sirius hadn't missed and hit Mr. Potter instead, who howled and dropped his newspaper.

"Boys," said Mrs. Potter, "here's the deal: Sirius is in love. James needs to learn to deal with that, and Sirius needs to learn to not let him get too defensive."

Jaws dropped again, including Mr. Potter's.

"Now, Theodora, dear," said Mr. Potter, "Are you positive that you want to go making a statement that–?"

"Darling, I know love when I see it."

"But this is Sirius we're talking about, dear," said Mr. Potter, and Sirius dropped his fork.

"I think I'm going for a drive," he said firmly. "Thank you for the meal, Mrs. Potter. I'll be back after your luncheon to find out what crazy things my relatives have come up with this time, as always. Do take notes, please."

"Of course, Sirius," said Mrs. Potter, tightly, but her frustration was directed at her husband, not the boy who was now standing, grabbing a jacket, a set of keys, and giving Samantha a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be back later, love," he said. "It's not like I've got anywhere else to go."

His thumb gently caressed her cheek and she nodded. Sirius grabbed a motorcycle helmet and left swiftly after that. James got up from the table and surreptitiously motioned for Samantha to follow him, which she did without question. Mrs. Potter looked ready to murder her husband, and Samantha felt it really wouldn't be a good idea to get in the middle of it.

As soon as they left the kitchen, however, James held his finger to his lips and pressed his ears to the door.

"James," Samantha hissed, "are you really going to listen in on your parents like this?"

"Well it's got to do with you and Sirius, doesn't it?" he hissed back. "Don't you want to know what they're saying?"

"I don't know, do I, James?" hissed Samantha. "It seems like every time I find out what people think and feel, and what's being said when I'm not around, something awful always happens, so tell me, do I really want to know?"

James gave her a sad, guilty sort of look, knowing she was referring in part to his behavior that morning with Sirius.

"I doubt anything my parents will say is going to hurt. Let's just listen, please?"

With only slight hesitation, Samantha nodded, and they pressed their ears to the door.


	11. Almost Like it Was

"I just don't know if it's okay to have those two in the house, Theodora! Not if they're together, finally."

"And why ever not, dear?" said Mrs. Potter through the door. "Don't you believe in love?"

"Sweetheart, you know I do," Mr. Potter sighed through the door, "but you've been watching those two as long as I have. They don't. I know they're in love with each other, but I don't think they really do, and the second Sirius cheats on her, or dumps her, or the second she decides she's found a better plaything, hell will break loose between them, and I'm not sure if you've realized this yet, but once she's disowned, they're both living here!"

Samantha frowned. Plaything? What sort of person was she? James gave her a sad look, as though apologizing for his father's harsh words.

"How dare you. Did you not just see your second son's hurt as he rushed out of the room? Maybe you didn't notice, but I guarantee you he was crying. That boy has had a lot of people not put their faith in him for a long time. Don't you start!"

There was a pause and a heavy sigh.

"I really screwed it up, didn't I, Theodora? I just thought that if I found a way to stop it before it got going then they wouldn't hurt each other and things could go back to how they were…"

"Before Samantha's accident? Do you really want that? She's a different girl now, you've said it yourself, dear. I think that's the very reason they'll be able to work things out! I think Sirius is what he is because she was what she was, and now that is over and they're both changing for the better because of it! In a lot of ways, I think this accident was one of the best things that ever happened to any of them."

"Except Remus."

"Well, that boy knew when he and Samantha started dating they wouldn't stay together. He always thought she'd marry Sirius, though I think it was more because he figured she had to. Yes, he's hurt, but I think he would have been more hurt if it had lasted longer, or if he had found out about all the things she had done behind his back. Now he'll never find out and it will be okay, better than it would have been."

There was a heavy sigh.

"Well, I suppose there's no use worrying about it until Sirius gets back," mumbled Mr. Potter. "I'll just apologize then, if he'll accept it."

"You know he will."

"I know."

James grabbed Samantha's arm and dragged her into the library, pulling two random books off the shelf, handing her one, forcing her down into a chair, and flipping it open to a random page before positioning himself in a similar way across the table from her.

"Why–?"

"Shut up and fake read, sis," growled James, and she did as she was told. The book was a rather boring pureblood genealogy, anyway. Less than three minutes later, Mrs. Potter came marching into the library and smiling what looked like a very forced smile.

"I'm off to my luncheon," she said. "Don't ruin the house while I'm away. Your father is going to be doing some gardening for me while I'm gone. Please don't pester him."

"Got it, Mum," said James with an equally fake smile. "Come back with lots of stories!"

"Oh, you know I will!" she said with a chuckle as she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.

There was an awkward silence as Samantha and James set their books down on the large table and just looked at each other. Then James smiled sadly, shook his head and said, "This almost feels the way it used to."

"What do you mean?" said Samantha, although she had a pretty good idea what he was referring to.

"We used to do this, although back then it was your idea," said James with a faraway look in his eyes. "We would listen in on our parents, and sometimes just mine, and then when we'd heard all that was interesting, or when they were wrapping up the conversation, we'd rush to the library or the garden or Sirius's room or anywhere we could think of and pretend we'd been there the whole time and hadn't heard a thing."

"Did we ever get caught?" she said softly.

James shrugged.

"We might have once or twice, I don't know. I think Mum always knew, even when she didn't say anything. She's very perceptive."

"I'd noticed," muttered Samantha, glancing down at the book James had grabbed off the shelf for her. "I'm sorry I wasn't a very good partner in crime this time."

There was an awkward pause, then James sighed heavily and said, "Do you love him?"

Samantha blinked.

"What?"

"Do you love Sirius?" he said firmly. "I have to know."

"I-I don't know, James," she said truthfully. "I've never been in love before, and I'm not sure how it's supposed to feel."

"Well what _do_ you feel?" he said, aggravated.

She blinked again, tilting her head and considering.

"I feel safe, and cared for, and whole. I feel like I belong, and that he'd never let me go. He treats me like Remus did, but I guess this time I feel… something else. Something that wasn't there before. And when I try not to be around him, I don't feel right."

James just stared at her for a moment before nodding.

"That's how I feel about Lily. Sort of. But… I don't know, Sam, Remus really loved you and I don't know how okay I can be with this whole thing. But I promise I'll try, if you really love him. If you two really love each other. But, promise me you won't make this hard on Remus."

"I never wanted to hurt him, James," said Samantha. "The old me might not have cared, but I do care about Remus. He's a wonderful guy and he deserves someone who loves him."

"I know," said James. "You know, you are like your old self, as much as you might think you're not."

"I-I am?" said Samantha, confused.

He nodded and said, "They're just telling you about the wrong time period. You're just like you used to be when we were kids, before we went to Hogwarts, when it was just you, me and Sirius. Mostly you and Sirius, of course. You were so sweet and caring. They hadn't taught you to be a calculating, conniving bitch yet. And you hadn't been told that your life had been decided for you already, so you weren't a bitter anti-authoritarian yet, either. You were just this sweet little girl who put up with our teasing and helped us catch frogs in the back yard, and cried when I pushed you down." He laughed softly. "And we teased you mercilessly. Sirius suspected for years that was why you were always so eager to pick on Snivellus with us. You were just glad we were picking on someone else. But I guess that changed with the fall."

"You took things too far," she said with a small shrug. "I know how it feels to be humiliated, and it's not fun."

James blinked.

"Do you?"

She panicked for a moment. Would he figure out something was up?

"I mean, I didn't think you remembered anything. Maybe you're getting it back?"

Samantha looked at his excited face and couldn't let him down.

"I – I don't know, maybe. Nothing specific. I don't know."

James nodded and tried not to look too eager, but then he said, "I'm sorry if you felt that way. We only teased you a little bit, and only because Sirius liked you so much, although he never admitted it at the time. I caught him asking you to marry him once, when we were eight. He was so excited when you said yes, and then ran to tell our parents. They just laughed. You were so mad when they finally told you that you were marrying him because of a deal made when you weren't even old enough to say your own name. I thought his heart broke when you turned rebellious and pushed him away just for spite."

She blinked at him. Story time with James?

"I know I'm not an expert at love." He laughed sheepishly and ran his fingers through his hair. "Merlin knows I've failed at all my endeavors, but I've known Sirius loved you from the moment I understood what the word meant. Most people think of their parents when they look for an example, but I thought of you two instantly. I just never thought you two would ever grow up enough to figure it out."

They stared at each other for what felt like an hour, neither saying a word. Then, the rose together and went to the study, playing wizards chess until someone came home, anyone. Several hours later, the sound of a motor vehicle pulling into the front yard could be heard, and Samantha knocked her king over, forfeiting a game she was being pummeled at anyway, rushing to meet Sirius at the door.

As soon as the door opened and he had set his keys down she rushed into his arms, and he hugged her tightly, but he didn't kiss her, he didn't say anything. He let go of her far too quickly and he stalked off to his room. Samantha frowned. Had she done something wrong?

James was standing at the entrance to the foyer, looking down the hall after Sirius and leaning against the wall with a frown on his face. Samantha could have hit herself with how pathetic she sounded when she said, "Did I upset him?"

With a sigh, James shook his head.

"No, Sam, none of this is your fault. James is just being a stupid, selfish prat."

James turned and went back to the study, but Samantha didn't follow him. She wasn't sure if Sirius wanted her to come after him, but if she had behaved that way, that's exactly what she would have wanted him to do.

She knocked on his door and let herself in without waiting for his response. Sirius was sprawled out on his bed, ripping parchment to shreds and crying. It felt strange to see Sirius cry, but there he was, his eyes filled with tears over the shredded parchment in his hands. His gray eyes…

"Sirius?" she said softly, pathetically, and he wiped his eyes quickly and looked up at her.

"What?" he snapped, but as soon as he said it, a guilty, upset expression came over his face, as though he hadn't meant to snap but had too much pride to apologize for doing so.

"W-why did you push me away?" she said, even more pathetically, if that was possible. "Did I do something wrong?"

The ice that had been in his eyes melted completely into a few tears welling up at the corners of his eyes. He held out his arms and beckoned her to him, moving a little to make room on the bed for her. She hesitated a moment before sitting next to him, careful not to touch him, not sure how he would react to that at the moment.

"I'm sorry, love," he muttered. "It just… it hurt really badly, hearing Mr. Potter of all people say something like that about me, right there, as though I wasn't sitting right there in front of him. It stung."

Samantha nodded, carefully touching his shoulder. When he didn't pull away, she gently massaged it with her hand. She wanted to say something, to let him know that Mr. Potter didn't mean it and that everything would be okay, but she couldn't find words that didn't sound like meaningless clichés, so she didn't say a thing. She merely moved behind him and began kneading her fingers gently into his shoulders like a cat.

Samantha's sister always said she gave the best massages, but she had never given them to someone outside her family before. She had never had friends. Sirius was enjoying it, though, and he leaned back into her touch, sighing deeply a few times before murmuring, "That's really nice, Sami."

A blush crept onto her cheeks but she kept going, ranging out from his shoulders, massaging his neck, arms, back, until he was moaning to her touch, putty in her hands. She felt incredibly powerful, and the thought terrified her. Before she had time to dwell on the possible worst case scenarios of her newfound power, Sirius slowly turned around and looked at her with longing in his eyes, pushing her down on his bed gently and hovering over her.

He began kissing his way from her collarbone up her neck and to her lips, where all fears and self-conscious thoughts vanished and she melted into his kiss. His hands began working against her arms gently, something like what she had just done to him, and it was heaven. They ran from her arms to her shoulders, and then down to grasp at her breasts through her clothes and she moaned into his mouth. He smirked against her lips and kneaded her breasts expertly.

For a brief moment, Samantha had no thoughts in her mind except that whatever Sirius was doing to her body felt absolutely heavenly, but then he began snaking his hands up underneath her tee and grinding his hips into hers and she snapped back to reality. She pushed him away, gasping for air.

He didn't even have to ask what was wrong. The moment their eyes met, his filled with sadness and regret.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I shouldn't have… I… Sami, I'm going to have to work really hard at controlling myself around you. Just know it's not easy for me."

Samantha nodded, knowing that he meant his apology and feeling a bit bad for accidentally tempting him like she had done. They heard the front door open, and they knew Mrs. Potter was home from her luncheon. A small smile graced Sirius's face.

"That'll be Mum," he whispered.

"Do you want to go and meet her?" Samantha whispered back.

"In a minute," he breathed, lying back on the bed and wrapping his arms around her. "It's kind of nice, you know, being like this with you."

"Like what?" she breathed back, their noses inches apart.

"Just holding you, relaxing, no pressure, just being next to you and knowing it's okay to be next to you. Wanting you, and knowing that's okay. I like it. It feels kind of… comfortable."

Samantha knew exactly what he meant and she nodded, burying her face in his chest, savoring the feel of his warmth, of his strong arms around her, of his heart beating just inside his chest, so close she could almost touch it. She enjoyed the feel of his fingers running through her hair, of his legs tangling playfully with hers, with all the innocence of two children cuddling by a fireplace midwinter. It all felt so right to her, and she wouldn't have been disappointed if they never moved.

"We should probably go and meet with Mum now, Sami," he whispered, although he sounded rather reluctant, "before she comes looking for us."

They crawled out of bed, Sirius checked his hair in the mirror, and flattened Samantha's, and then grinned at her, holding out his hand for her to take. She took it with a small smile and allowed him to lead her down the hall, down to the kitchen, where Mrs. Potter was instructing the house-elf on dinner.

"Ah, Sirius, Sam," she said with a small smile. "How was your ride, dear?"

"Fine, thank you," he said. "How was your luncheon?"

"Horrible as always," she said conversationally with a pleasant smile on her face. "Some of the things your poor cousin said, I thought your mother would die of embarrassment."

Sirius laughed, pulling out a chair for Samantha, and sitting down in the chair next to her. As soon as they were situated around the table, Mr. Potter and James came in, Mr. Potter looking sheepishly down at his hands.

"I'm sorry for my outburst earlier, son," he said softly. "I didn't think things through all the way, and I should have known better than to say something like that in front of you. There are no excuses, and I ask you to forgive me."

"I'll always forgive you, Dad," said Sirius honestly. "It's not like I've got anywhere else to live if I don't," he added with a smirk, and the Potters laughed good-naturedly.

"So, Sirius, dear," said Mrs. Potter, "how about I find you two some biscuits and I tell you all about that horrific luncheon?"

"I'd love that, Mum," he said with a genuine smile, and Mrs. Potter went off to the pantry to look for some biscuits.

"So how long have you been back, Sirius?" said Mr. Potter casually, pulling out his newspaper.

"Not long," said Sirius, pouring himself a glass of water. "Maybe ten minutes, at most. Probably more like five."

"Here we are," said Mrs. Potter setting down a tin of biscuits and sitting across from Sirius. Mere seconds after the biscuit tin hit the table, James rushed into the room, sliding into the chair next to his mother, who looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" he said with a shrug. "I smelled food."

"Weren't you in the study?" said Samantha, frowning.

"I smelled food really far away," he said, grinning and shrugging again.

"Typical James," said Sirius and Mrs. Potter in chorus, which earned them a first-class pout from James.

"Whatever, less about me, and more about the luncheon event, Mum. I want to know what sorts of crazy things the crazy people said!"

"Very well," said Mrs. Potter thoughtfully. "I suppose it all started when Narcissa said something about tuna…"

**A/N: Anyone who gets the reference at the end gets to ask me any question their heart desires!**


	12. Diagon Alley

Samantha couldn't believe how easy it was to be around Sirius. Now that the Potter family had all more or less accepted that they were together, Sirius and Samantha spent nearly every waking moment together, and quite a few of the sleeping ones as well. They kissed, they held each other, and they snuggled incessantly. Sirius even took her for a ride on his motorbike once, although after the fact she wished he hadn't. He expected her to love it, when in truth it had absolutely terrified her. So she lied to him, swearing to herself to always have excuses ready if he wanted to go again.

They went to Diagon Alley with Mr. and Mrs. Potter on a beautiful, sunny afternoon in August. As Samantha had never been to Diagon Alley before (in her memory) she found the entire experience as delightful and exciting as any first year would, and Sirius laughed and laughed, saying how adorable it was. That is, until Mrs. Potter reminded him that just a few years ago, that had been him. Suddenly, he stopped laughing, and refused to use the word "adorable".

Samantha didn't think she would ever get over the anxiety caused by Flooing, but as it was the only way to get her school shopping done, she did it without too much complaining. Sirius came out of the grate at the pub only seconds after her, and she felt much better about the whole thing as he helped her brush off the soot. James and his parents followed soon after, and they headed off to Madam Malkin's, because James and Sirius were apparently growing like weeds, according to Mrs. Potter, and would need new school robes, and she ought to get something nice for Samantha, as it was, supposedly, tradition. Samantha ached to hold Sirius's hand, but they couldn't. They were meeting Remus and Peter at some point during the day, and in any case, this was a public place. Anything they did could make its way back to the wrong people, if it wasn't seen by the wrong people to begin with.

They stepped into the small shop and there was someone they apparently didn't want to see, because Sirius tensed and James's eyes narrowed, but Mrs. Potter just pushed them further into the shop with the coldest, most regal air about her Samantha had ever seen. The woman standing with a boy around their age must not be one of Mrs. Potter's favorite people, to be sure.

Samantha looked them over. There was something familiar about both of them, their high cheekbones, their dark hair… their eyes… their gray eyes. She bit her lip to hide the gasp that threatened to escape her. These must be Sirius's family. She would know those eyes anywhere.

"Ah, Mrs. Potter!" said the woman who appeared to be the shop's owner. "James seems to have grown quite a bit since last year! New school robes, then?"

"Yes, for both of the boys, and a set of new dress robes for Samantha."

"Of course," said the kindly woman, bowing deferentially to Mrs. Potter, whose eyes were still fixed on the gray ones of Mrs. Black.

"Walburga," said Mrs. Potter stiffly.

"Theodora," said Mrs. Black with a coldness that seemed to lower the temperature in the room by about three degrees. Samantha actually shivered, and immediately wished she hadn't. The sudden movement drew Mrs. Black's attention to her, and as soon as she had it she wished she could get rid of it. Mrs. Black's attention was both exhausting and disconcerting.

"Ah, Miss Collins," she said. "I'm afraid I missed you at the last function. Your parents said you were there, however, and I recall hearing you announced…"

"I was with my fiancé," Samantha in her best pureblood voice, the one Sirius had made her practice for the people who were her parents.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Avery," said Mrs. Black coldly. "Such a shame that you won't be welcomed into our family after all. I was very much looking forward to you as a daughter-in-law."

"I'm very sorry to disappoint," she said levelly, unsure of exactly how she ought to act. Sirius was tensing beside her.

"Oh, don't be, dear," said Mrs. Black. "It's not your fault my former son doesn't know what's good for him."

"I think that will be all, Walburga," said Mrs. Potter snappishly. "Surely you and Regulus have other things to be doing. We won't keep you."

"Naturally," said Mrs. Black, but not turning to go. Instead, she drew herself up to her full height and the two women met their eyes firmly for several moments before Mrs. Black turned up her nose and marched Regulus out of the shop. Samantha couldn't help but notice, as he went, that he looked distinctly worried and uncomfortable, something that looking incredibly out of place on his pureblooded features.

Samantha shivered again, and Sirius gave her a quick hug, watching the windows to make sure nobody could see them.

"Sorry you had to meet them like that," said Sirius. "You didn't like them much before, either."

"Nobody likes Walburga," hissed Mrs. Potter furiously, "not even her worthless husband."

"On the contrary, Mum," said Sirius bitterly, "the house-elf _worships_ her."

James snorted.

"Yeah, but your house-elf's life ambition is to be beheaded in old age and have his head put on the wall. He's clearly not the best judge of character or anything."

"Yes, well," said Sirius with a tight smirk, "I was merely clearing the facts."

"She actually seemed upset she wasn't getting me as a daughter-in-law," said Samantha quietly.

"Oh, I expect she is," mused Sirius as Madam Malkin led him to be fitted. "After all, the old you and her had _quite_ a lot in common. I suspect she would have liked you far less after we were actually married, though. That is, if she lived long."

Sirius and James shared an unreadable look, and Samantha was forcefully reminded of the conversation she overheard between the two of them before the event. Shaking her head as Madam Malkin worked, she reminded herself that she was not that girl anymore, and that she wouldn't kill her husband's parents, no matter how awful they were.

It didn't take as long as Samantha would have thought for James and Sirius to get their school robes, and Samantha a pair of sapphire dress robes. Magic was a wonderful thing.

Their next stop was an apothecary to pick up the Potions ingredients they were running low on. James was her partner, so he helped Samantha with her purchases, as she had no idea what she was doing. There they met up with Peter, who was helping his mother buy a few scoops of beetle eyes. As soon as they left the apothecary, the kids parted from their mothers, hitting the ice cream parlor before heading all the way down the alley to Gambol and Japes, the joke shop, where they found Remus, just crossing the street from a junk shop, his face light and carefree until he spotted them. As soon as he saw Samantha, his face fell and he greeted them less than enthusiastically, which made Samantha feel incredibly guilty.

They worked their way through the aisles of the joke shop, trying to find anything Sirius and James "hadn't seen before," which was quite an effort. They were joke shop experts. If they hadn't seen it, they'd seen something enough like it that it wasn't worth their energy. And even if they hadn't seen it before or seen something like it, if between the four Marauders they could figure out how it worked by the time they had each finished reading the label, it wasn't worth their time. After combing the entire shop, they had to admit defeat. Nothing in Gambol and Japes was up to the high standards of the Marauders.

They wandered back up the street to Flourish and Blotts, where they met Mrs. Potter, who had an ice cream for each of them and was just about to go inside and purchase their books for them. This was, apparently, a tradition. Samantha was incredibly thankful that she liked strawberry ice cream in every dimension. She was worried the ice cream flavors would be like the jelly bean flavors.

The five teenagers sat in the Alley, eating ice cream, soaking up the sun, people-watching, and laughing at the world. Samantha mostly watched Remus. He certainly wasn't over everything that had happened. Any time their eyes met, he stiffened, gave her a fake smile, and looked down at his feet as though he couldn't bear to meet her gaze, as if her very eyes were breaking his heart. Remus was pretty good at putting on a brave face, she had to admit, but it made it difficult for Samantha to tell if he'd healed at all, or if he was just pretending, for the sake of the group. How much did he know or suspect about what she had been doing since he left? Or was it only pain he was hiding, and not some sort of knowledge?

Before long, Mrs. Potter was back, and they bid Peter and Remus goodbye, carrying their things out to the Leaky Cauldron where they Flooed back to the Potter Manor. As soon as Sirius set all their things on the kitchen table, he pulled her close and caught her lips in a passionate kiss. Samantha felt her knees weakening and she leaned in to him, grasping his shoulders for support.

"All right, all right, I understand that it was a long, hard day with limited physical contact," said Mrs. Potter dryly, "but I don't recall ever giving either of you two permission to snog each other's brains out in the middle of my kitchen. As far as I'm concerned, this room is a family-friendly zone."

"And that doesn't mean my brother gets to snog my sister," said James with a smirk. "That's not the definition of 'family-friendly' to which she was referring."

Sirius seemed to be ignoring them, wrapping his arms tightly around Samantha's waist. She tried to pull free, as she had clearly been asked to do, but Sirius backed her against the wall, put his hands on her ass and hoisted her up so that she had no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist to keep from falling. Then, lips still attached, he carried her out of the kitchen, down the hall, and off toward his bedroom. As they went, Samantha heard Mrs. Potter said, "Well, at least they're not in the kitchen."

His lips didn't leave hers until he allowed her to fall on her back on his bed, sitting down beside her, kicking off his shoes, and scooting back on his bed. He smiled at her as she moved to rest her head in his lap, and he petted her hair gently, smiling radiantly down at her.

"Well, that should get James off our backs for a while," he muttered, running his fingertips lightly across her scalp. She shivered. It felt incredibly good.

"I've missed you," she whispered, nuzzling her face into his stomach muscles, which constricted slightly when he chuckled.

"We've been together all day, love."

"It's not the same," she sighed. "We've been together with everybody else, with–"

" – Remus?"

Samantha nodded into his stomach, allowing him to sigh and run his fingers along the side of her face lovingly.

"Why can't we just stay like this forever?" she sighed, sitting up slightly and looking up at his face. "Why can't we just be alone together all the time, without a war and sham engagements and hurting other people?"

Sirius ran his thumb gently along her bottom lip and gave a wistful sort of smile.

"Sami, if there was any way I could stop the war and the engagement and the hurt, I would do it. If it made sense for us to run away together and leave all the rest of it behind, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd follow wherever you wanted to go. But we just can't, love, and you know it."

"Yes, I know," sighed Samantha, kissing his cheek sweetly, "but it was a lovely thought."

He smirked and leaned back on the pillows, pulling her body on top of his and snuggling his nose near her ear. It tickled slightly, but she liked the way it felt, laying like that, their bodies melding perfectly together as he held her tight against his chest. She leaned back into him, playing with his fingers where they were laced around her waist.

"What are we going to do when we get back to school?" she whispered, watching his fingers tremble as she ran her own across them.

"We have to keep things quiet for a while," he muttered. "Nobody outside the Marauders can know. It's up to you whether you want Peter or Remus to find out. Personally, I think until after you're seventeen and properly disowned, it's best to keep it among family."

His words hit her strangely. Family. He didn't mean the people who were her parents, he meant himself and the Potters. Samantha pondered that thought and realized Sirius was right. The people who lived in this manor were the closest thing to family she had since she had left her previous life. They cared about her, went out of their way for her well-being, and protected her.

"I think that's a great idea," she muttered, "as long as James can keep his fat mouth shut to the others."

Sirius laughed, but he told her that wouldn't be a problem. They stayed like that until dinner, curled up against each other, occasionally sharing slow, sweet kisses, exploring each other in the most innocent of ways. Samantha wondered if anyone had ever seen this side of Sirius before, this sweet, nurturing, unassuming, gentle side that she had grown to love so much.

Love.

Was she falling in love with him? The Potters seemed to think so. They talked as if it was the love of the ages. She could tell Mr. and Mrs. Potter were very much in love, just as she had known that her parents from her other life were incredibly in love, but she had no idea how to recognize the feeling for oneself. Maybe that was what truly was growing between herself and Sirius Black. Before she had time to ponder it thoroughly or say a word aloud, however, James called from the hall that dinner was ready, and the pair smoothed their hair, adjusted their clothes and walked hand in hand down to dinner.

That night, as Samantha crawled into bed, she thought about how soon she would have to return to school, how few lazy days with Sirius and James she had left, and how much homework they had to help her with before they returned. The hardest part about homework was getting Sirius not to do the whole thing for her. He didn't seem to understand that she would have to know what she was doing to survive N.E.W.T. level work and that she, unlike him, didn't know it all already.

She hadn't seen Lily since the train ride back, and her contact with Peter and Remus had been slim. She expected as much from Remus after how things had gone, but she had hoped to see more of Lily and Peter, at the very least. It turned out Peter had an overprotective mother and Lily absolutely refused to go anywhere near the place James Potter lived, although she wrote letters almost every day.

There was a soft knock at the door and before she could invite the person in, the door opened ever-so-slightly, Sirius's face grinning at her.

"I couldn't sleep, Sami. Can I come in? I promise to be on my best behavior."

Samantha snorted and motioned for him to come in. As he slipped inside and closed the door silently behind him she hissed, "That promise means, nothing, you realize. Your best behavior isn't very good."

He settled himself beside her, on top of the sheets.

"I promise," he breathed, nuzzling his face into her neck. "I just wanted to be with you. I won't be able to do this at school and I want to have as much Sami time as possible."

She giggled, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. There were goose bumps visible on his skin in the pale sliver of moonlight falling through the window. With a sigh, she began pulling the blankets from under him, pulling them over his body and wrapping them tightly in the sheets. His eyes widened with surprise.

"Well, I wasn't going to let you freeze, Sirius," she teased, running her finger down his chest. He shivered.

"Oh, Sami," he groaned, "please, don't, or I'll break my good behavior vow. It's bad enough James is going to walk in tomorrow morning and find us curled up under your blankets. We don't want him to find us curled up under your blankets without clothes."

"Maybe Mrs. Potter will find us," she said with a little giggle.

"Likely," he said dryly. He raked his fingers gently through her hair. "Why do you call her that?"

"Mrs. Potter?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's her name," she said softly. "What am I supposed to call her?"

"Mum. We all called her Mum. Sometimes, you'd even slip up in front of your mother and it drove the woman crazy that you liked Mum more than her. Everybody likes Mum."

"She's a wonderful person," whispered Samantha, "but she's not my mum."

"She's not mine either," said Sirius, "but she's the closet thing either of us has got. And she would never say it, but I can tell she misses it when you call her that. The first time you called her 'Mrs. Potter' she flinched a little bit, like she'd be slapped in the face. I'm not saying you have to call her Mum if you don't want to, but it's something to think about."

They fell asleep curled up in each other's arms, his breath gently tickling her neck.


	13. Back to Hogwarts

**A/N: To **_**emmie4life**_**, I'm glad you like it! Please continue to read and review, it speeds my writing process, gives me ideas, and reminds me someone's reading!**

As they could have predicted, James found them in the morning, and screamed so loudly he woke up the entire house. Sirius actually thought there was someone attacking and he leapt out of bed, groping around for his wand, which he had foolishly left in his own room.

It was a good thing they weren't actually under attack.

"Bloody hell, James, I thought you were a Death Eater!" growled Sirius.

"And I thought you shagged Sam!"

"James, relax," said Mrs. Potter sleepily from the door. "They're fully clothed."

"Mum, it's Sirius!"

"James Griffin Potter, what did I tell you about overreacting?"

With a petulant pout, James followed his mother out of the room and left Sirius and Samantha to groan with annoyance. James needed a hobby. Other than stalking Lily. He needed an attainable hobby. Like knitting.

The remainder of summer passed in a similar fashion, finishing homework, snuggling with Sirius, packing, and playing games with the boys. The night before they had to go to London, Mrs. Potter made them a large dinner of roast chicken. James and his father talked eagerly about Quidditch, pranks they were thinking of pulling, and ways he had planned to get Lily Evans's attention. Sirius, however, didn't bother with the conversation. He and Samantha spent all of dinner watching each other eat, sharing secret smiles across the table, and not realizing that their silent exchange was being observed by an amused Mrs. Potter. As soon as desert finished, Sirius led Samantha off to his room, where, he kissed her passionately, cuddled on his bed with her and whispered, "I love you, Sami," softly in her ear as the tired pair fell fast asleep, fully-clothed, curled up in each other's arms.

"Well, I don't care how adorable you two are, Sirius, I'm not letting you miss the train on purpose so you don't have to change anything," said Mrs. Potter with a laugh. "Now out of bed, the both of you. There isn't much time."

Samantha's eyes fluttered open, sitting up as best she could and realized it was already morning, and that they were heading back to Hogwarts very soon. Sirius was grinning like an idiot, and Samantha could guess why: Hogwarts was one of his favorite places on earth. He had the freedom to be whoever and whatever he wanted, and he was pretty much king of the place.

They changed, went to breakfast, and followed James out to the car, where Mr. Potter had already loaded all of their trunks. Samantha rode the entire way to London squished between James and Sirius, both of whom chattered excitedly about pranks, Quidditch, and Gryffindor House parties. She rested her head on Sirius's shoulder while she could, and he had his arm wrapped protectively around her while he was still allowed, kissing her forehead gently every few minutes as if he wasn't sure when his lips would touch her face again. In a way, neither of them really was sure.

They reached King's Cross with just ten minutes to go before eleven. Mr. Potter fetched trolleys for their trunks and they moved toward the barrier between platforms nine and ten purposefully. Sirius had told her on the ride over to walk straight at the barrier as if it wasn't there, so she followed James and headed for it, hoping she'd have a little bit better luck with this brick wall than the last one she had had the misfortune to so encounter.

Thankfully, instead of bashing her head, Samantha miraculously looked up to find herself on that same platform she had left at the end of the previous term, with that same scarlet steam engine in front of her and a crowd of people buzzing around the platform. James grinned at her stunned expression and then waved at Peter, who was rushing toward them.

"Hi, guys!" squeaked Peter. "We've already got a compartment. Remus is holding it, but he wants us to hurry up and get on so he can get to his prefects meeting."

"Right," said James with a contented sigh. "It's good to be back. Okay, Sirius and my parents will be in – ah, there they are. We'll be right up, Wormy."

Samantha watched Peter scamper off and the three of them said their good-byes to an emotional Mrs. Potter and her husband before hurrying onto the train and searching for the compartment with Peter in it. Before they had gotten very far, however, they ran into none other than Remus Lupin, who looked at them all, forced a smile, and turned away as soon as his eyes met Samantha's.

"What compartment, Moony?" said Sirius in his usual carefree, cheerful, and slightly lazy voice. Samantha wasn't sure if she really noticed the masked strain behind his words, or if she simply imagined it because she thought it ought to be there.

"On the end of this car on your left," grunted Remus. "Excuse me, I'm running late. Lily will have my head."

Samantha swallowed heavily as he pushed past them. It was a lie and they all knew it. He didn't have to be at the meeting until the train started moving. But Sirius put his hand behind her back and walked her toward the compartment in question. She had barely settled in, greeted Peter, and pulled out a book when the compartment door slid open and a small group of Slytherins was standing there, headed by none other than Samantha's dreaded fiancé.

"I've saved a seat for you, Samantha, dear," he said smoothly. "You will come and join me in my compartment now."

She froze, and felt Sirius stiffen beside her, but he gave her no clue as to what to do, what to say. There was no way she wanted to be alone with all of those Slytherins, but she was running out of reasons to avoid him.

"I would like to spend a bit more time with my friends, if you don't mind," she said, keeping her voice has cool and measured as she could.

"You've spent quite enough time gallivanting with Black and Potter over the summer, dear," he drawled. "They might begin to feel as though they're entitled to you, and we can't have that."

"Is that how you feel, Avery?" hissed Sirius. "You think you're entitled to her?"

"Not at all, Black," said Avery with a victorious smirk. "I _know_ I'm entitled to her. That's the way a betrothal works, you know, when you do it properly. It's not only my right but my duty to protect her from negative influences and make sure she stays a noble pureblood bride for me."

"Is she supposed to be marrying you, or The Cause?" drawled James. "I forget which."

"There's certainly a plus to marrying The Cause," said Sirius with a little smirk. "She wouldn't be required to shag that ugly baboon."

The air must have turned ten degrees cooler as Avery and Sirius eyed each other, hands twitching toward their wands.

"Come, Samantha," said Avery. "I won't have your reputation fouled by these blood traitors."

Sirius let out a sound like a hiss, but before he could get his wand out, there was already a wand at Avery's throat. Remus was standing there, his eyes alit with a furious fire as he glared at Avery, wand out, breathing heavy.

"You should go back to your compartment, Avery," he said, straining to keep his voice even. "We wouldn't want points docked before term even begins, now, would we? I can't imagine your fellow Slytherins would take too kindly to that, even if it was over your precious fiancée and all the heirs she's going to produce for you."

"Still in love with her, Lupin?" said Avery with a rather confident smirk for someone with a wand at his throat. "Still defending your sweet, precious Sam? Or are you just worried that if you let her go have my heirs no one's ever going to look at you like that again? I don't blame you, you know. If I was as wretched as you, I would have already killed myself."

"That's enough."

Even as the words left her mouth, Samantha felt sure that they had come from somewhere else, from outside the compartment, perhaps. But from the way Avery looked at her with fury in his eyes, she knew she had to have said them. Ah, well, no turning back now.

"What did you just say to me?" he said in a dangerously low hiss.

"I said that's enough, Avery," she said, surprised at her own confidence. "I may have to marry you, true. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up my friends and the people I care about because you want to parade me around like some sort of trophy. I am not marrying you willingly, and we're going to make that point perfectly clear here and now. I won't be attending any functions that have anything to do with that pureblood supremacist, and you can beat me black and blue, but it won't change my mind. I won't be producing your heirs. If you force me to sleep with you and manage to impregnate me, I'll force myself to miscarry; there's no way I'm passing on your genetic code. And you will not treat the people I care about like this. Don't cross me, Avery. You'll not like the results."

There was a tense, heavy silence in which Avery must have been deciding whether it was better to fight her on this or keep things as smooth as possible, even if it meant losing face in front of his friends.

"We'll talk about this later, dear," is what he settled for, and he led his friends away from the compartment. Remus came in and slammed the compartment door behind him.

"You realize he basically just said he's writing to his parents?" hissed Sirius.

"What did you expect me to do, Sirius, hop off to his compartment and let him treat me like property for the rest of the train ride?" she hissed back.

"N-no," sighed Sirius. "Well, I'll have to come up with some sort of damage control. How was the meeting, Moony?"

Remus glared at him.

"It was the same as they always are. Any other stupid questions?"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," James muttered.

"No," said Sirius, frowning. "None that I can think of at the moment but I'm sure I can come up with more if you give me a bit of time."

Remus looked as though he was about to yell for a moment, but then he stood again, muttered something about patrolling, and stormed out of the compartment, slamming the door behind him.

"Yep," muttered James. "Definitely the wrong side of bed."

"More like the wrong side of England," hissed Sirius, lying down on the side of the compartment he was sharing with Peter and sticking his feet in Peter's lap. Peter scrunched up his nose at Sirius's feet, but let them rest on his lap. "And to think, we've got hours and hours to go before we get to Hogwarts and get him some proper sleep."

"You honestly think sleep is the problem, Sirius?" said James with a snort. "What we need to do is make all the awkwardness disappear between him and Sam."

Samantha gave a hollow laugh and shook her head. There was no way to make that disappear. She felt awkward just thinking about him, and Remus certainly didn't seem too cheerful about making things better.

"Do you think Remus would go off the deep end if Sam started dating again?" said Peter quietly.

There was a tense silence in the compartment. They had almost forgotten Peter was there, and Samantha wondered why he cared, what he knew, how much he suspected. Sirius was giving Peter a curious look and James nodded and said, "Yeah, Wormy, I think he would. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," mumbled Peter, but he blushed deeply, and Samantha and Sirius exchanged a horrified look. Peter knew.

"Sami, wanna go for a quick stroll?" said Sirius. James looked up, giving them a suspicious look, but Samantha and Sirius darted out of the compartment before James had a chance to protest. Sirius held out his arm gallantly, quietly insisted that no one would be suspicious if they were walking as though he were escorting her somewhere, and she took his arm, feeling incredibly over-formal.

"So," Sirius hissed, "think Peter knows?"

"Of course he does," sighed Samantha. "Why else would he have said that?"

Sirius shrugged and they exchanged dark looks, wondering if Peter would find his loyalty to Sirius or Remus more powerful. Samantha expected it was Sirius, or Peter would have betrayed them before her accident, but there was no way of knowing without coming out and asking him. She didn't want him to know she knew he knew.

"You know what I'd really like to do?" he whispered in her ear as she paused to adjust the jacket she was wearing.

"What's that?" she said, although she thought she already knew.

"Finding a secluded part of the train," he hissed, "and snogging you out of your mind."

She laughed as she took his arm again.

"Except Remus is patrolling the train, Avery has his eyes peeled for me, and Peter knows. As lovely as your idea sounds, Sirius, I think you should wait a bit. At least until I stand up my fiancé."

They laughed, talked, walked the length of the train and back, and managed to reach their compartment at the same time as both Remus and the lunch trolley.

"Well, what do you know?" said Sirius with a smile. "Looks as though you and Moony still share that keen sense of snackage. I swear, Moony, she could smell the chocolate clear from the other end of the train."

Remus gave a forced smile, as though he really wanted to smile but just couldn't do it properly because he was out of practice. Samantha's heart hurt a little at the sight of that, but Sirius bought her armfuls of candy and the three of them returned to their compartment where many sweets were consumed and Samantha didn't meet any set of eyes. Everyone in that compartment was making her feel as though she ought to be doing something she wasn't.

"I'm off to find Lily," she said suddenly, and was off before anyone had a chance to stop her. They had passed Lily, Tien and Mary's compartment on the way up the train and she rushed to it, hoping to hide from all those demanding eyes.

"Hey," she said with a smile as she slipped in. "Mind if I join you?"

"No, Sam, come on in," said Lily, patting the seat beside her.

Samantha slipped inside and sat down across from Mary and Tien. Tien smiled up at her from behind her joke book and Mary just blinked at her. There was an awkwardness, but it wasn't so bad as the awkwardness with the boys.

"I thought you'd be with Remus," said Tien with a sly grin over her book, "perhaps in your compartment, or in some lonely, secluded part of the train…"

"Tien!" hissed Lily. "That's completely inappropriate! Remus is a prefect!"

"And he's a warm-blooded male," said Tien with a sigh. "And Sam is a very pretty girl he happens to be crazy about. Grow up, Lily."

Samantha shifted awkwardly in her seat. May as well be honest about it.

"Actually," she muttered, "we broke up."

"What?" cried all three girls, dropping what they were doing and staring at her blatantly.

"What happened?" said Lily. "I was so sure you two were made for each other!"

"We weren't," said Samantha bluntly, flatly. "I didn't love him, Lily. Whatever my reasons for dating him, after the accident I just couldn't quite string him along. He deserves better. Anyway, he didn't take it very well, and there's a bit of awkwardness about it all, so that's why I came down here."

"And here I thought you might actually want bird time," drawled Mary sarcastically. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Oh, Mary," sighed Tien, "perhaps if you were more pleasant she'd come around more."

"Yes, dear," said Mary acidly, "and maybe if I had male parts she'd come around more, too. Unfortunately, I don't have the same appeal for her as Sirius and James. Perhaps Remus doesn't either, Tien, darling, and that's why they broke up. That'd be too bad for you."

Tien blushed brightly and Samantha frowned.

"What do you mean?" said Samantha, ignoring the insults. They were right to do so, knowing now what she did about how she had been before the accident, and there was no point in arguing it.

"I suppose there's no point not telling you now," muttered Tien. "I've had a crush on Remus for forever. But before I got up the nerve to do something about it, you decided you wanted him and I didn't really have a prayer."

"Why didn't you say something?" cried Samantha. "Maybe I never would have dated him at all!"

"Oh, Sam," sighed Lily. "I'm sure the boys have told you enough that you know how you were. There's no way you would have just let her have what you wanted, no matter how good of friends we all are. The fact of the matter is, despite how fond of you we are, there's not a person on the planet who understood you well enough to really be your friend except for Sirius. You two always had a special bond."

"James as well," said Mary fairly, "because you all grew up together, but mostly Sirius. Neither of you ever said a word about it, but if I hadn't known better, I would have thought you two were in love, but that's ridiculous."

"Why?" said Samantha, feeling truly uncomfortable now.

"Because," laughed Mary, "neither of you are capable of love. Everybody knows that."


	14. Family Putting It Right

When the train stopped at Hogsmeade station, Samantha found that James and Sirius were waiting for her on the platform, but she waved them off, heading with the girls toward a carriage. Sirius looked put off, but James looked pleasantly surprised. There would be time to explain to Sirius later, and he would understand. Besides, Samantha was sure she couldn't handle being closed up in a small space with Peter and Remus at that time.

Once they were in a carriage, Samantha smiled at the other girls.

"Well," she said, "we've got some work to do."

"What do you mean?" said Mary skeptically.

"We have to set up Remus and Tien, of course," laughed Samantha. "He needs to get over me before he does something stupid and she needs to be with him and make him indescribably happy and all that."

"And you need him indescribably happy because?" said Lily with a raised eyebrow.

"A conversation for another time," said Samantha, attempting to use her carefree pureblood voice, but sounding just as sheepish as she felt. The other girls laughed.

"Who are you and what have you done with Samantha Collins?" laughed Tien.

"It's a long story," sighed Samantha, "but let's just focus on one thing at a time, all right?"

They spent the time on the way to the school going over possible ways of setting up Tien and Remus, but the ideas became more and more ridiculous as they went. By the time they finally arrived, their plans involved nose-biting teacups, a half a yard of satin fabric and three dozen forks.

However, no such plans were executed and Samantha settled herself between Sirius and James at the Gryffindor table, knowing Sirius would want to hold her hand under the table during the Sorting.

"I have something interesting to tell you later," she hissed at him, not wanting to be a bad friend and tell Remus herself, but knowing Sirius would be a good friend and relay the information. Sirius nodded and laced his fingers through hers under the table.

The Sorting went slowly, but Samantha was only half paying attention, anyway. It was hard to focus with Sirius tracing patters on her bare thigh, his fingers making their way under her robes. All she knew was that Saunders, Harlan was now a Hufflepuff and that Ybarra, Umar was the last addition to Slytherin. Anything beyond that she couldn't say because Sirius was too distracting for his own good.

The feast was delicious, but she hadn't expected any less from Hogwarts food. However, Samantha just wanted it to be over so she could relay her information to Sirius and get a good night's sleep. Pretending not to have feelings for someone was incredibly exhausting. She had to wait, however, for dessert and Dumbledore's speech to be over. Somehow, it felt as though it went surprisingly fast. Perhaps Dumbledore knew her desire to be out of the feast and into the throng of people heading off to bed.

Samantha managed to pull Sirius off to an abandoned classroom without causing suspicion: Remus had to help lead first years to the common room.

"Big news," she said happily. "Tien has a crush on Remus."

Sirius smirked.

"That's lovely, darling," he said quickly, pulling her in for a kiss, but she pushed him away promptly.

"No, Sirius," she said firmly, if a little reluctantly, "I can't come out of here looking snogged, people will get suspicious."

"With the old you," he breathed in her ear, "not a soul would have dared ask."

"Yes," she agreed, "and with the old me, I wouldn't have broken up with Remus. The new me is big news right now, and hence why some would dare ask."

"Oh, Sami," he whined, sounding quite like a kicked dog, "please let me kiss you. Please, I've been going absolutely mad I won't make it through the night. I'll start screaming your name and begging in my sleep and then everyone will find out."

She gasped, slapping him playfully as he backed her up into the mops.

"Sirius! That's blackmail, extortion!"

"I'm not sure it exactly qualifies, darling," he moaned, pressing his lips against her neck. "After all, I think you're rather willing. Consider it motivation."

Samantha groaned, knowing he wouldn't actually do anything of the sort, but he was right. She was rather willing.

"Just a very short kiss, Sirius," she said softly, "and that's it!"

She had hardly gotten the words out before his lips were pressed hungrily to hers, begging for her to kiss him back, and how could she refuse?

But true to his word, as always, it was entirely too short and Samantha found herself wishing that she hadn't asked him to make any such promise. At any rate, they rushed back into the throng of students and made their way up to the common room, unable to find their friends and slip seamlessly into a conversation with James and Peter about something. Still, they made it to the common room without arousing any suspicion and Samantha found herself climbing the staircase, wondering how she was going to survive a night without the option of curling up in Sirius's arms.

Somehow, she got by. Samantha woke up the next morning, finding herself remarkably alone in her bed, then remembering she was back at Hogwarts, and Sirius was with the Marauders. For a split second, the very thought hurt. All she wanted was to be with Sirius, but she couldn't do it because of Avery and because of Remus.

Her life was a blur for several weeks. Avoiding Remus, sneaking a few quiet moments with Sirius, trying not to get on Avery's wrong side or make him suspicious. It was exhausting, but not altogether unbearable. In the time she wasn't studying, in class, eating, or doing any of the aforementioned things, Samantha was attempting to think of ways to get Tien and Remus together to solve at least one of her many time-consuming issues. She and Remus ended up partners in Potions one day and she saw an opportunity.

"Remus–" she began.

"Go get the ingredients, Samantha," he said stiffly. "I'll set up the cauldron."

Knowing she'd have to get them later anyway, Samantha hurried to get their ingredients and hurried back, setting them out on the table next to the cauldron Remus had put up.

"Remus–"

"Get to chopping the roots, Samantha."

"No."

He looked up at her in surprise. She was surprised at the steel in her own voice, but this had gone on long enough.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no, now you're going to promise to talk to me after class and really talk to me, or I'm not doing a thing on this potion and you'll have to take whatever grade you manage to get on your own. Understood?"

He frowned at her, nostrils flared and jaw working furiously, but he gave her a stiff nod and she began to chop the roots with a stiff nod back at him. She had his attention. Now she just needed to make sure things worked out for the best.

They made it through class without talking to each other, without hardly even looking at each other, but she knew they were both mentally seizing each other up, trying to determine who would lead the conversation promised to follow. As soon as the period ended, she led him out of class and up to an empty classroom on the first floor, the same one Sirius had comforted her in in May after they had picked on Severus Snape.

"Sit," she said firmly, determined to take the upper hand early on. He complied. "This is getting ridiculous, Remus, you realize? What do you have so against me that you don't want me to be happy?"

"That's – that's not it at all," he muttered, blushing furiously.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I – I'm just so… I don't know, Sam, I'm hurt and embarrassed and I don't know how to handle it. It took me so long to open up to the possibility of having someone like you, and then you were mine and I didn't want to let go. I still love you."

Samantha sighed, sitting down across from him, scrunching her mouth thoughtfully. How to get him interested in Tien without betraying Tien's trust?

"I didn't love you, and eventually, you would have been hurt anyway. Wouldn't you rather I said it then, let you down honestly, rather than stringing you along and making you believe we had a future that wasn't there? Wouldn't you rather I was happy?"

"I do want you to be happy, Sam," he said, looking up at her with the sad expression of a kicked dog, "but I wanted you to be happy with me."

"But I couldn't," she said, just as sadly. "I tried, Remus, I really did. And it wasn't just me. From what I've overheard, everyone knew I didn't love you. The way Mr. Potter talked about me… it was like I wasn't capable of love."

"That's not true," Remus seethed, his hands balling up into fists.

"No," she admitted, rubbing his hand comfortingly. "It's not true. I am in love. But it wasn't fair, to him or to you, to keep trying to make us work, Remus. We never would have worked out. Besides, there's someone else who really truly likes you for you, and not just because you were a good source of rebellion against her parents."

He frowned.

"Who?"

"I can't tell you that," Samantha said with a soft, sly smile. "She's a friend, I can't betray that trust. You should ask your friends. Maybe they know. I need to tell you something, though, and you need to promise me not to be upset or angry."

"I could never be angry with you, Sam," he whispered, his eyes boring into her pathetically.

"It's not me I'm worried for," she answered, wondering if this was the right time. Sirius would want her to wait, she knew, but it would only hurt Remus more if she hid it from him, especially now that they were airing all their grievances. If she wanted a friend in Remus, there couldn't be any more secrets. The old Samantha may have operated with a web of lies, but this wasn't the way she wanted to go forward. No good could come of it.

"What is it?"

"I said I'm in love with someone."

"Yes."

Oh, that was truly pathetic. He sounded as though he was a whimpering puppy.

"Can you guess who it is?"

"I'm not sure I want to know," Remus admitted. "Whoever he is, he'll never be good enough." He frowned thoughtfully. "It's not Avery?"

"Never," she shuddered. "Remus, you promise you won't hurt him or be upset with him? He didn't approach me until we were over and he was a complete gentleman. I – I think he's loved me a long time, but from what James says, he's never done anything about it. And I hurt him very badly."

Remus's eyes grew wide, his jaw dropped, and tears formed in his eyes.

"Sirius?" he breathed, the pain laced in his every sound. "You're in love with Sirius?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Apparently," she said, choosing her words carefully, "he's been in love with me since childhood, but when I found out about the arranged marriage I went off the rails, looking to rebel. I lied, I used him and everyone around me, and I hurt him so badly. You know what that's like. I used you too, Remus, and I know I hurt you, but I had to. Could you imagine if I went on using you for another ten years? Could you imagine how much it would have hurt then, knowing it was all a lie? I couldn't hurt you like that. I'm not lying anymore or playing any more games. This is the way it has to be now, even if it hurts at first."

But Remus didn't appear to be listening.

"He loved you… h-he… before, when we were together did he… did you…? Oh, Merlin."

"No," she lied. This one little lie was necessary. Only James and Sirius knew, and they wouldn't say a word. "He kept his distance and suffered in silence."

"S-s-so now you two are…? Oh, Sam, I…"

And then he broke down in tears and Samantha didn't quite know what to do. Was he upset with her, with Sirius?

"I'm such a fool!" he moaned. "I should have seen, I should have known, I shouldn't have tied you down. I should have insisted on pushing you away. I should have realized!"

She blinked. She hadn't thought he'd blame himself, but then, that did seem to be Remus's way of things. Everything was always all his fault, in his eyes, and what he couldn't blame on his lycanthropy he blamed on himself in other ways. Most things, he found a way to blame on his lycanthropy.

"Remus," Samantha said firmly, "if I hadn't been with you, I would have been with somebody else, somebody who probably wouldn't have treated me as well as you did, so don't you dare feel responsible. This is _my_ fault. This is _my_ doing. I'm the one who used people and lied and hurt everyone around me. Now, you need to pull yourself together, that's it, and start to heal and move on, and keep your eyes peeled for that girl. Okay? I promise you, she's a better match for you than I ever could have been. Okay?"

He sniffed, wiping his tears and nodding. God, he was pathetic, but it was endearing. It was nice to know that there was a Marauder who didn't have to be a strong, all-powerful man all the time. She wondered if Sirius would ever cry for her like this, and the thought made her feel a little guilty. Was that why she had manipulated them all? It felt a little good to think of Sirius crying for her, and it felt a little good knowing that those tears Remus was wiping from his eyes were guilt over something she had done, something he had had no control over.

But Samantha wasn't going down that road again. Being stronger was one thing. Being manipulative and emotionally abusive was another.

"We have to keep my being with Sirius a secret," she said. "Otherwise, my parents will work extra hard to force me to marry Avery, and that can't happen. Promise you won't tell?"

"Oh, Sam," he sighed, laughing through tears. "Despite my absolute jealousy that Sirius has your heart and I don't, all I've ever wanted for you is happiness. I would never do that to you. Consider it a secret."

She smiled.

"Come on, then," she said, taking his hand in hers and hoisting her bag over her shoulder. "Let's off to lunch."

He gave her a brave sort of smile, wiped away the last of his tears, and followed her out to the Great Hall, dropping her hand shrewdly when they entered. She was glad he had, for she hadn't thought of it. Her fiancé would not have taken kindly to the sight of her holding hands with Remus again, just as he hadn't taken well to her dancing with Sirius.

They sat down at the Gryffindor table with the rest of the Marauders. Sirius discretely slipped his hand in hers and she smiled at him.

"Where've you two been?" he joked. "Snogging and getting back together behind our backs, were you?"

His wink told them he was joking, but she thought she felt him tense a little. Perhaps this was a real fear to him, that she would decide she didn't want him and that she wanted Remus after all. Stroking his hand with her thumb, she shook her head, assuring him that it wasn't a valid fear.

"No," she said softly. "We talked it out and we're friends again. He's okay with it _all_," she said, placing special significance on the last word, which made Sirius and James exchanged surprised looks.

"R-really?" Sirius gasped, looking over at Remus, his hand shaking just a little. "Moony, that's… I can't even tell you what that means to me."

Remus smiled sadly, almost resignedly, but not as pathetically as when he had been alone with Samantha only minutes prior.

"I'm not saying it doesn't sting a bit," he said with a forced casual voice, "but Sam needs to be happy, and that wasn't going to happen with me. I'll be okay, but don't be a jerk about this, Sirius. I'm going to need time…"

"All the time you need," Sirius said quickly, hurriedly, almost frantically. "You just tell me whatever I need to do to make this easier and I'll do it, Remus. Say the word."

Samantha snorted.

"Glad to see I'm getting say in this," she said. "Am I allowed to ask for a sandwich, or do you two get to negotiate what I'm eating, as well?"

James roared with laughter and the other two looked acceptably sheepish, but Sirius gave her a sandwich and she gave him a smile and a squeeze of the hand to let him know how happy she really was. She thought she saw his eyes shine just a little brighter.

"What are you going to do when this all goes down?" Remus said thoughtfully. "I mean, you won't have a place to live. Your parents will disown you. You won't have anything."

"She'll live with us," said James casually. "Not that this is the time or place to discuss this, but my mum's got a thing for taking in my runaway, disowned friends. Look at that mutt over there," he said, pointing at Sirius, who barked with laughter. "Anyway, she'll be fine. Yeah, she won't have money, but we'll work something out. I suspect my mum and dad are already working to write you two into their will. Plenty of Potter gold to go around."

"They don't need to do that," Samantha said, blushing. "Really, I'm fine. That's your inheritance."

"Nonsense," James said, grinning. "You're part of the family, little sister, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Part of the family. Those people who were her parents, they were nothing to her. This, these people around her, the people who loved her, they were her family. Samantha didn't feel quite as alone as she finished her sandwich, clutching Sirius's hand like it was the most important trophy in the world.

**A/N: I was feeling productive, so I finished this chapter for you, lovely readers. If you haven't checked it out, Maybe I Know on xyellowconverse's profile is a collaboration between myself and her and it's FABULOUS if I do say so myself. Apologies for the really sporadic updates. I'm failing French. And I'd rather not be failing French. No promises on when the next chapter comes, but know that it's coming! I swear! I will never give up on you!**

**-J**


	15. Let's Dance

Samantha was woken up by the squealing of girls. Squealing girls. What a horrible way to wake up. She pulled open the curtains surrounding her bed and blinked at the congregation of squealing girls.

"What the bloody hell are you all on about?" she snapped. So maybe she was grumpy. She had a right to be. They just woke her up at… four in the morning. Why the hell were they squealing at four in the morning? Why were they even awake? This wasn't natural.

"There's going to be a dance!" one of them squealed. "Lily and Remus just got confirmation from the Head Boy and Girl that Dumbledore approved a dance!"

"That's nice," Samantha groaned. "Next time you get something confirmed, Lily, don't tell anyone about it until morning."

"But it _is_ morning," one of the squealers pointed out.

"Nobody asked your opinion," Samantha snapped. "It's not morning in any rational part of the world. Now go back to sleep, for god's sake."

With many grumbles and much dismay, the squealers dissipated and Samantha pulled her curtains shut once more. She did not, however, go right back to sleep. A dance. There would be a dance, but how soon? If it was after her birthday, perhaps… just maybe… she would be able to avoid having to go with Avery. But if it was before…

"Lily?" she called.

"What?"

"When is this dance?"

"Oh, now you're interested?" hissed one of the other girls.

"Mid-November."

Her heart nearly froze.

"When?"

"Your birthday, actually."

And that did it. Samantha was no longer able to sleep. She whipped back her curtains again, threw on a dressing gown, and tore down the stairs, then up to the boys' dormitory where Remus had let his fellow students sleep peacefully. She crawled into Sirius's bed and began to shake him gently.

"Sirius," she hissed. "Sirius, wake up."

"Sami," he moaned, wrapping his arms around her in his sleep and pulling her down to him, rolling over and trapping her beneath him.

"Sirius," she said, not bothering to whisper, flailing against his sleeping form.

He didn't move.

"He sleeps like a rock, Sam," said Remus, who was standing over her, grinning just a little. "You all right down there?"

"Peachy," she hissed. "A little help here, please?"

With a wave of his wand, Remus caused Sirius to wake with a jolt.

"What was that for, Moony?" Sirius whined. "It's not time to wake up yet; that was just cruel."

"You're crushing your girlfriend, Padfoot," Remus said with a little smirk. "It's funny, her parents were worried I would accidentally kill her, but you seem capable of it as well."

"Not funny," Sirius grumbled sleepily as he rolled off Samantha and wrapped his arms around her. "It's a little early in the morning to be visiting me without raising suspicion, love." He glanced at his watch. "Actually, it's a little early in the morning for being awake. Why are you awake? Why am I awake, aside from Remus thinking he's a comedian?"

"Ball," she snapped.

"Bat," he said with a confused expression. Samantha gave an exasperated sigh and he said, "What, we're not playing that game?"

"She means the ball. Dumbledore's letting us put on a dance," Remus said, his smirk sliding. "I didn't think Lily would actually tell you all in the middle of the night."

"They're female, Moony," Sirius said with a little snort of laughter. "What did you expect her to do, wait? They don't wait. Especially not Evans; that girl hasn't a concept of the world not revolving around her."

Samantha groaned. They were obviously not seeing the big picture. Boys could be so narrow-minded, even Remus.

"Sirius," she snapped softly, "you do realize what this means?"

He blinked.

"Um… You need a dress?"

"No, you idiot," she snapped. "I'll need a date. And I'd have to go with my fiancé. But there's an even bigger problem."

"A bigger problem than you being tied to that sack of filth for the night?" Sirius growled.

"Oh, Merlin," Remus whispered.

"What?" Sirius hissed.

"It's on her birthday. I – I didn't realize. They're going to use it as an excuse to pull her out. It's only a dance, right? Dumbledore will have a tough time keeping her here for a dance."

"Merlin's bits," Sirius grumbled. "All right, let's go talk to Dumbledore. There's got to be an explanation."

"What, right now?" Remus said nervously. "Isn't it a little early? Nobody sane will still be awake."

"Exactly," Sirius muttered. "When has Dumbledore ever been described sane? No, the one thing we can count on is that Avery won't be awake, and I'm going to capitalize on that. Now, let's get this taken care of before it's too late."

Samantha held her breath as the three of them made their way quietly through the empty halls. Their footsteps echoed strangely in the dark stone corridors and her breath seemed much louder. She was sure the whole castle could hear the pounding of her heart, but as nobody had come to scold them for being out of bed, perhaps they couldn't hear it after all.

They made it to Dumbledore's office, although most of the journey was unremembered by Samantha, who remembered little more than clutching Sirius's sweaty hand tighter than she ever had before and struggling to keep pace with the boys.

"Come in," said Dumbledore's voice as Remus knocked on the wooden door, and he flung the door open so that the three of them could scramble inside.

To Samantha's mildly registered surprise, Professor Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, hardly looking as though it was practically dawn.

"Good morning," he said calmly, though not as brightly as usual. "To what do I owe this rather early pleasure?"

Remus began to explain about the ball, but Professor Dumbledore cut him off abruptly.

"I am well aware of the seemingly inopportune timing of the event for Miss Collins and her specific situation; however, you will find that I am making it very difficult for them to take her away. The event will be mandatory for all those students old enough to attend Hogsmeade. It will be a social event as well as an opportunity for those students who might not learn such things elsewhere to learn proper wizarding etiquette. If find that etiquette is one of those subjects all of us could stand to learn a bit more of, don't you? Even those of us who have been educated in it our whole lives can find something more to learn. Should her parents truly want to take her out, Miss Collins will be available the following morning, but I require her to be here up to that night, as her classes cannot be missed, and she will have to be here on that day, as she is required to attend the ball. Now, I hope that is satisfactory to you all. I suggest getting several hours rest before breakfast. Have a pleasant morning."

They recognized the kind dismissal, and went on their way with lighter hearts, collapsing on the Gryffindor couches in remarkably good spirits, considering how tired they were.

"Well, that's one problem settled, then," Sirius muttered.

"What do you mean?" Remus groaned through the pillow covering his face.

"Now we have to figure out who's taking who," Sirius explained, wrapping his arms possessively around Samantha and pulling her tightly to him. "I guess James and Peter will take Marlene and Mary, once James finally realizes Lily will keep turning him down no matter how many times he asks."

"I suppose that leaves me finding somebody in Ravenclaw or something?" Remus said through the muffling of the pillow.

"No," Samantha said, surprised with the amount of force and conviction in her voice. "You're taking Tien."

"What?" he spluttered, sitting up, the pillow tumbling from his face.

"You're taking Tien, and that's that," Samantha said, matter-of-fact. "You'll have a lovely time. What we need to do is figure out what I'm doing."

"But–"

"Well, you're not going with Avery."

"But–"

"I know, love. There's no way I would do that."

"But–"

"Well, we could always have me take you, say I got there first."

"But–"

"That would go over like a ton of bricks. How about I get Madam Pomfrey to let me pretend to get ill the day of, so I 'miss' it, but not in time to get home, and certainly not with enough time for them to make devious plans to kidnap me. Then, maybe an hour before, she sneaks me back to the Gryffindor common room and I go with you. I'll be of age by then, they can't touch me, and then we can be public about all this."

"But–"

"That's brilliant, love. I'll have a chat with her during the morning break. I'm sure she'll say yes. She hates pureblood marriage schemes. She says they're bad for the health of the wife."

"But–"

"Great, that's settled then."

"But–"

"What is it, Moony? Just spit it out already."

"Why am I going with Tien?"

Sirius and Samantha looked at each other and laughed. It took quite a while longer for them to calm down enough to properly address the question than it normally would have, for so early in the morning everything is funnier. Finally, Sirius said, "That bird is crazy about you, Moony, and it's high time you do something about it. As soon as the dance is announced, ask her before someone with more guts gets the nerve before you do."

Remus's mouth flapped like a fish for a while before he fell back onto the couch faintly and tossed the pillow back over his face, which caused Samantha and Sirius to fall back into snickering fits for about fifteen minutes.

Breakfast was an interesting affair for the whole castle. Dumbledore officially announced the dance and all of its mandatory glory. There was an air of excitement among the females, and an air of dread among the males. Somehow, Sirius managed to goad Remus into asking Tien, who looked as though she was going to die of shock. James asked Lily, who promptly turned him down. Peter asked three girls by lunch before a frizzy-haired Ravenclaw finally agreed to go, but she spent all of class staring at Sirius, so it was obviously not Peter she was interested in.

Avery had effectively ordered Samantha to accompany him, and she basically said she would go but she'd rather stick pins in her eyes. That left Sirius.

"The trick is," Samantha said thoughtfully, "picking a girl who isn't going to want to sleep with you."

"Yes, that is a bit of a trick, isn't it?" Remus mused. He seemed to be taking the whole situation much better since he found out about Tien's affections for him.

"I've got it," Samantha smiled. "Lily."

"No," both boys said swiftly, staring at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Why not?" she asked, frowning. "She's never going to say yes to James, she's a nice girl, and you could always insist that you're going as friends. I would think James would prefer you to some bloke who's trying to get handsy all night!"

They exchanged nervous looks at the thought of what James might do to such a bloke, which is the type Lily would be bound to end up with, since that covered pretty much the entire population of teenage males.

"And how on earth are you going to get Lily to agree to this?" Remus mused. "After all, they're not exactly what anyone would call 'friends'. I feel like you're asking a bit much."

"Of course not," Samantha said with a grin. "I just have to get to the point where it looks like her only options are Sirius or James. She's bound to pick Sirius, just on principle! It's foolproof!"

"Right," Sirius said slowly. "Well, once you figure out how that works, you let me know. Meanwhile, I'm going to start thinking of the ugliest girls I could stand having to spend a night with so you don't kill anyone out of jealously. And by 'spend the night' I mean go to the dance with, obviously. Nothing beyond that."

What she wasn't telling them was that she was going to tell Lily the truth about Sirius, about her engagement, about everything, because she knew it was a secret Lily would be able to keep. She hurried off to her dormitory, thankful Lily was alone, reading a Charms text.

"I need you to do me a massive favor," Samantha said, looking as sheepish and apologetic as she could.

"What?" Lily asked skeptically.

"I need you to go to the dance with Sirius."

"Absolutely not," Lily snapped. "There's nothing you can possibly say that could make that happen."

"All right, so here's the deal," Samantha said, sitting down on the bed. "Sirius and I are together, but we have to keep it quiet until after the dance because we don't want to give my parents any reason to actually try to force me into this marriage to Avery while it's still legal for them to do so. I had to accept Avery's invitation, but he knows I don't want to go with him. He doesn't know who I'd actually want to go with, and if one of the Marauders, other than James, goes dateless, it would be suspicious."

"Not if two of them go dateless," Lily pointed out. "Remus doesn't have anyone, either."

"Remus is taking Tien," Samantha said with a bit of a grin sneaking onto her face.

"No!" Lily gasped. "So soon after you broke up?"

"I sort of bullied him into it," Samantha admitted, "but he didn't seem at all adverse to the idea. I think he realized it was for the best. So you see my dilemma?"

"And you don't think James is going to cause a scene over this proposed plan?" Lily said cautiously.

Samantha ignored the fact that Lily had just referred to him as "James" and not "Potter". Consequential as that was she couldn't afford to get side-tracked at such a crucial moment.

"Not if I present it to him as you doing me a favor," Samantha said honestly. "He knows, as you probably could have guessed. And it's not like Sirius and you are going as a couple, you'd be going as… as… friends?"

Lily winced noticeably at the thought, but she looked up at Samantha's face, which was artfully arranged into an expression of utmost desperation, and sighed.

"If it's that important to you," Lily groaned, "I suppose I'll go if he asks me, but nothing conspicuous. It needs to be a quiet, private sort of affair without all of the traditional Marauder bells and whistles, understood?"

"Absolutely!" Samantha cried, kissing her best friend enthusiastically on the cheek. "I'm off to let him know! He'll be so pleased! Shocked, too, he thought you'd never go for it! This is going to be great!"

She rushed up to the dormitory, pouncing on Sirius enthusiastically.

"I have fabulous news," she cried. "James, you're not going to like this, but you have to understand that this is for my happiness and freedom."

James tensed.

"What do you mean?"

"I've found Sirius a date, only… only, it's Lily."

James's jaw worked furiously at this revelation, and after a moment his right eye began to twitch. He seemed to be working out the ramifications of the set-up, why they would think such a thing was a good idea and what the benefits to letting it go on as planned would be. Finally, he nodded and said, "You'll take care of my girl, Sirius?"

"I'd treat her as if she was my daughter," Sirius insisted, "I'll even berate her if she wears dress robes that are too revealing."

"No you won't," Samantha insisted. "You'll behave and be nice, but you won't ogle at her."

"Of course not," Sirius insisted, nuzzling her cheek with his nose. "The only person I'll be ogling is you, darling."

James made a gagging noise, Peter squeaked indignantly, and Remus groaned, throwing a pillow at the pair of them as Sirius's lips touched hers gently.

"You two are sickening," James moaned. "Can't you just take that somewhere else?"

"Oh, tone it down, James," Sirius joked. "You're just jealous because the girl you like won't even let you close enough to touch her without hexing you."

"Low blow!" James cried. "That was a low blow! And I don't just like her, I love her, and she's not just some girl, she's the most beautiful woman in the world!"

"Second," Sirius and Remus said cheekily, and James was so shocked to have his own signature word thrown back at him that he didn't even argue.

"Well," he finally managed to say, "I can see that I'm sadly outnumbered. Anyway, if you do anything I don't approve of, Sirius, I'm going to rip you to shreds and do a dance on your remains."

"Good to know," Sirius said with a bark of laughter, "but I'm going to be on my absolute best behavior. I promise to be an absolute gentleman!"

"Well, Sam," Remus said, shaking his head, amused, "You certainly didn't change in one respect."

"What's that?" she asked, sinking back into Sirius's chest as he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

"You're still making the impossible happen with a smile and only a grain of reasonable logic to back it up," he said, drawing agreement from the other Marauders. "Somehow, I doubt that would ever change."

**A/N: Sorry this took so incredibly long to get up. I had most of it done for ages, but the ending was lacking in inspiration. I swore I'd never say this, but I'm honestly not fond of this chapter. Still, I'd like your input as I dream up what the next one's going to be! Hopefully better than this one. Hope you've all had a great holiday season!**

**-J**


	16. A New Beginning

Madam Pomfrey played along with the plan perfectly. Although nothing was wrong with her that hadn't been inflicted by Professor Dumbledore, Samantha was declared absolutely unfit to leave the infirmary. Avery was informed, and he was, of course, furious. The plan was set in motion, and Samantha sat festering in a hospital bed while her friends readied themselves for the dance.

Lily had snuck her things down to the hospital wing, of course, before dinner. They had hidden them in Madam Pomfrey's office, where she would be changing ten minutes after the start of the dance so that there would be no sneaking her away.

"There now," Madam Pomfrey said kindly, "it's nearly time. Let's get those boils and skin sores off you and get you into those lovely dress robes!"

It took twenty minutes for Madam Pomfrey to get Samantha back to normal, but it was worth it if she got out of marrying Avery. In two hours, she would officially be seventeen and this would all be over. Changing quickly into sky-blue dress robes, doing her hair and letting Madam Pomfrey (who insisted) do her make-up, Samantha finally slipped on her shoes and sighed.

"Well," she said with a smile, "I'm glad that's over. Thank you, very much, Madam Pomfrey."

"My pleasure, dear," said the matron with a motherly hug. "Just get down to that dance safely and have a good time!"

"I will!"

Samantha went as fast as she could through the halls, what with her heels. Funny things, heels, making odd echoing sounds through the stone corridors. She almost felt, for a moment, that someone was following her. But that was absurd. Everyone was at the dance.

Still, she couldn't shake the feeling, and Samantha paused just feet from the upper landing of the marble staircase leading down to the Great Hall, to her freedom.

Yes, she'd heard it for sure that time. Someone's footsteps had stopped just after the echo of hers. Some first year playing tricks? Filch, out to catch stragglers looking for broom cupboards? It seemed a bit early for that, and certainly Filch would have already approached her, not followed her down from the hospital wing, especially as she was alone. Something wasn't right.

That was the last thought that occurred to her before her mind went pleasantly blank and she had the sudden urge to go outside, out to the gates. That seemed like a pleasant place to walk.

All thoughts of the dance were out of her mind.

/-/

Sirius frowned, looking around the Hall, then checking his watch, then exchanging a dark look with Lily. She should have been there by then. She was fifteen minutes late. Something didn't feel right.

"Remus!" he called, motioning Remus and Tien over. "Have you seen Sami?"

"No," he said slowly. "Maybe she got held up?"

"Something feels wrong," Sirius hissed. "I can't put my finger on it… have you got the map?"

Remus nodded, reaching into his dress robe pocket and pulling out the Marauder's Map, handing it over to Sirius. Lily gapped at the map, her mouth flapping open and closed, shocked. Sirius scanned the map carefully, frowned, scanned it again, and looked up at Remus, panicked.

"She's not on here!" he hissed. "She's not on here anywhere!"

Remus frowned, snatching the map and searching as well, eyes widening with fear.

"But that's impossible, unless she's…"

"Not on the grounds anymore!" Sirius hissed. "We've got to talk to Dumbledore!"

"Yes," Remus agreed, searching more carefully. "Avery's not here, either. Come on, we've got to act fast, before they've done something we can't undo."

/-/

Samantha woke up in an unfamiliar place, which was bad enough, but she also woke up with the feeling of absolute foreboding, that there was somewhere she was supposed to be and somewhere she wasn't supposed to be, and that this place she didn't recognize was almost certainly the latter of the two.

"Drink," said a harsh voice above her, one she recognized as the voice of the woman who was her mother. All the sweet, honey-like falseness was gone from it, however, and the woman was holding a cup in her carefully manicured nails with some unidentified liquid in it.

"What is it?" Samantha croaked.

"Drink," she hissed.

"No," Samantha spat, realizing that whatever was in there was something she did not want in her system.

However, by responding verbally, she'd given the woman who was her mother and opening to pour whatever it was down her throat, forcing it down her mouth. Something was wrong, terribly wrong, but Samantha had no sense of it other than the knowledge somewhere in the back of her mind that this was true.

She felt serene. She felt confused. She felt blank. Avery was standing in front of her, a smirk on his face as he leered down at her.

"Come, darling," he drawled. "Up you get. We've got a wedding to get to."

/-/

"Gone?" Professor Dumbledore repeated, frowning slightly. "How do you know?"

"She was supposed to be here by now!" Sirius cried. "She's not here, she's not in the infirmary, and she's not anywhere between. Please, Professor, something horrible has happened. I know it! We have to find her!"

The old man nodded, whispering something to Professor McGonagall, who got a determined look on her face before nodding, then motioned for the group of teenagers gathered around him to follow him. As Sirius, Remus, Tien, Lily, James, and Peter trailed along after their headmaster to the gates of the grounds, Professor Dumbledore turned to Sirius and asked, "Where do you think her parents will attempt to hold the ceremony?"

Sirius frowned a little before saying, "Collins Manor, I'm almost sure of it."

"All right," he said. "We're going to Floo there from the Hogs Head, myself first, followed by Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin, and then the ladies in whatever order you so choose. I only hope we're not too late."

The teenagers exchanged dark looks, hoping the very same thing.

/-/

Samantha felt very out of sorts as she was led outside to a familiar looking yard, where a man in official looking robes was waiting with Avery's parents. She was only vaguely aware of Avery gripping her arm, yanking her out into the moonlight. Moonlight… Remus… But thoughts were slipping away faster than she could attempt to hold onto them. She was getting married. Wasn't she supposed to feel happier about something like that? Maybe she was just nervous. Lots of brides were nervous.

The man who was her father was watching her with a lack of expression, frowning ever so slightly at the sight of her. She probably looked disoriented. She certainly felt disoriented. She hoped she looked otherwise all right. After all, brides were supposed to look beautiful at their weddings. Typically there were pictures taken. Would they be taking her picture outside? No, not in this lighting. They would probably do it indoors, after the wedding. Wedding… She was getting married.

"Very well, is everything in order now, Mrs. Collins?"

"Yes," said the woman who was her mother, voice once more laced with falseness and honey. "Just a bit of jitters, but we've sorted it out. I'm sure you've seen your share of that with all the weddings you do, young brides especially."

"Certainly, certainly," said the official-looking man. "I must say, I expected for you to have a grander occasion for your daughter. Wasn't she betrothed to Mr. Black?"

"Well, at one point, yes," the woman who was her mother admitted tersely. "But that was before he disgraced his family, running away. That was the end of that. As far as the event is concerned, we thought about doing it over the winter holiday, but Samantha just couldn't wait! They're very much in love."

The man looked more closely at Samantha when had approached him with Avery's guidance. He frowned slightly.

"She hasn't been given something, has she? The girl seems a bit out of sorts."

"Just a little bit of firewhiskey for the nerves," the woman who was her mother said, a bit of anxiety sneaking through her voice. "Not too much, mind. Just enough to help. I'm sure you've seen worse, all manner of things."

"Oh, no doubt he's seen it all," said the voice of a man from behind them, causing everyone to turn in shock. "Forced marriages of minors, drugged brides, the whole gambit. I suppose you throw in kidnapping and he's seen it all in one night!"

Samantha turned to find an older man with bright blue eyes watching them solemnly. Her friends were coming in behind him. She recognized Sirius and his horrified face. Sirius was horrified… Sirius… She loved Sirius. You married who you loved.

But if she was getting married, and she loved Sirius, and Sirius was back with Dumbledore and all of her friends, who was she marrying? Suddenly, Samantha felt very confused, very overwhelmed, and she began to cry.

"What on earth are you insinuating, Albus?" hissed the woman who was Samantha's mother, completely ignoring the fact that the girl who was her daughter was being reduced to a mess of tears.

"I'm merely saying, madam," Professor Dumbledore said calmly, "that your daughter came to me, asking for help in avoiding the betrothal to Mr. Avery, knowing full well that you were hoping to marry her before she was old enough to be given legal say. You were not given the right to take your daughter home today."

"You cannot keep my daughter from me, Albus!" shrieked the woman who was Samantha's mother, honey and falseness once more gone from her voice.

"You will find, in fact, that I can," Professor Dumbledore continued calmly. "But that is neither here nor there. To take her from the castle, she had to have been taken against her will by someone within the walls, likely Mr. Avery here, and that is kidnapping, possibly with some more sinister undertone, if we check his wand for his last spell. To get her up to the alter, it would have taken more than a few sips of firewhiskey, so I can only imagine that you drugged her to keep her contented and a bit distracted until the papers were signed and she had no way out."

The woman who was Samantha's mother made an indignant noise.

"Did you know, madam," he continued, "that the particular substance that I believe you used, judging from your daughter's state, is illegal in these sorts of transactions? Were it to be proven that she had been under the influence at this time, assuming I had not arrived before the bonding, the wedding would have been annulled by morning. That's an awfully big risk, don't you think?"

The official wizard waved his wand over Samantha, who felt as though she were swaying on the spot, still confused and dazed. His face grew more and more horrified as colors swirled around her, some sort of diagnostic test. The smug look on Professor Dumbledore's face told anyone who was in their right minds that the man's suspicions were indeed confirmed.

"The spell's wrong," the woman who was Samantha's mother spat, but her husband talked right over her.

"Oh give it up! I never should have let you drag me along it this stupid charade! Samantha's a woman, as of three minutes ago, and she would have hated the thought of not being given her own say. I may want the best for her, but I don't think the best is drugging her and marrying her off to someone she clearly doesn't want anything to do with!"

Nearly everyone was shocked by the outburst of the man who was Samantha's father, who was commonly known not to say very much at all in public and certainly little that contradicted his wife. Openly contradicting her in front of so many people surprised everyone, his wife included.

And then Samantha promptly passed out.

/-/

Samantha woke in the hospital wing again. She had missed the dance, could barely remember a thing of her almost-wedding, and had been promptly disowned by her parents before their hearing for their attempted crimes against her. Apparently, there were some serious fines involved in drugging and kidnapping a minor, even if the minor in question was the perpetrator's own child.

It was still night when she woke up to find a large, familiar black dog in the bed beside her, curled up, watching her sleep. His eyes… his gray eyes… they looked so familiar. But it couldn't be the same black dog… could it?

Suddenly, before her very eyes, the dog transformed into Sirius. She blinked, wondering if she had imagined it all, but then remembered somewhere, something in the back of her mind saying that she had known Sirius was an Animagus. Why she knew this, she couldn't really remember. Still, instead of reaction, she smiled at him, reaching up to touch his face with a shaky hand.

"Hello, love," he muttered, kissing the palm of her hand gently, which tickled. "I hope you're feeling better. The potion should be through your system at this point."

She nodded, sitting up a little to make more room for him.

"What happened?" she muttered, letting him wrap his arms protectively around her, holding her as close to himself as he could manage.

"From what Professor Dumbledore could piece together," he said, "Avery snuck up on you, used the Imperius Curse to get you out of the castle, and you were Apparated away to the Collins Manor. They Stunned you to keep you from fighting while they got everything in order, then forced you to drink a potion that would keep you compliant and disoriented, and marched you out for your wedding, hoping to have all the papers signed by the time you turned seventeen."

"But it didn't work?" she asked, looking up at his gray eyes which were watching her so intently.

"No," he whispered. "Remus and I realized you weren't there, weren't on your way and we got Professor Dumbledore to rescue you before anything official had been done. You're safe. You didn't get married and nobody's going to touch you."

"That's a relief," Samantha admitted, lying back on her pillows and watching Sirius watch her, considering him.

"What?" he asked, smiling a little. "You're thinking something, Sami. What's on your mind?"

"I'm of age now," she said softly.

"Yes," he agreed, nodding.

"I should get a gift from you, shouldn't I?"

"I suppose so," he agreed, as though he hadn't actually thought about that. "What would you like?"

She smiled sitting up at little and whispering in his ear, "Make love to me, Sirius."

He swallowed hard.

"What? Like, right here, right now, in the hospital wing? What if some kid gets sick in the middle of the night and walks in on us?"

"That won't happen," she assured him, trying to push the thought from her mind, as it was a very real possibility. "I want this."

His gray eyes sparkled in the darkness.

"Are you absolutely sure?" he pressed. "We can't do this if you aren't completely sure you want to do this–"

Her mouth interrupted his words, assuring him that she was positive this was what she wanted, what she needed.

Sirius certainly knew what he was doing, and Samantha was surprised to find that it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be, what with not having any memory of any sort of sexual activity that wasn't related to Avery attacking her in a broom cupboard. It was incredibly easy to melt into Sirius, to allow him to lead her with his confidence and strength, with the tenderness of his actions and the heat of his passion. It was so easy to get swept away in the tide of the emotions rising up inside of her.

The pain of the first thrust was incredibly more than she had imagined, however. For a moment, she was completely at a loss to think of why so many girls were clamoring to have Sirius Black do this to them. It felt terrible. It didn't take long, though, of his apologizing, kissing her breasts and thrusting for the pain to fade into pleasure and for her passion to overwhelm her once more.

She began to moan, and he caught her sounds in his mouth, not moving his mouth from hers until they had both reached their climaxes, collapsing, holding each other's sweaty bodies close and tight, like they were in their own world and all they had to do was never let go of each other. It was all Samantha wanted to do.

They had crossed a new horizon, entered new territory. She had had arguably the worst night of her life, but in that moment with Sirius, basking in the glow of their newest expression of love, she realized that they had created a new beginning, and she swore to herself that she was going to be happy if it was the last thing she did. She never wanted to lose the feeling she felt in that moment.

**A/N: Wow, so, this story got a LOT of response in the last chapter! I was shocked! It's very nearly finished, and I'm really excited to see how you all react to the ending. It's hard to believe I've been working on this story as long as I have! Feels like a different me from when I started it out, but I'd like to take this moment to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted, or favorited this story. You guys are the reason I write! Actually, no, I write because I love it, but you guys are the reason I bother posting it online! If you're sad about this story nearly being over and are looking for more like it, I suggest checking out Delicious Dark or Broken, which are probably the two closest to what I've done with this. Cheers!**

**-J**


	17. Epilogue

Samantha said good-bye to Sirius as he left to check on Peter and settled in to her cup of tea, flipping through a copy of the Daily Prophet Sirius had left on the table. She and Sirius had been living together since the summer after their sixth year when his Uncle Alphard died and left him enough gold for them to get a place and live comfortably. She worked as a Healer, until the war got so bad that she had to quit for her own safety. He worked for the Order, a secret organization formed by Professor Dumbledore. He had refused to let her join, despite the fact that all of their friends were in it. Sometimes, he treated her like a piece of glass. He told her what to do a lot of the time, but she knew it was because he loved her, so she let it go.

An hour later, there was a knock on the door. It was Remus.

"Something's wrong?" she whispered.

"Dumbledore said you need to find Sirius now," he said. "He didn't say why, only that it's important."

Samantha frowned.

"Okay. You stay, Remus. Go ahead and make yourself some tea. You look exhausted."

He nodded and she pulled on her cloak, waving good-bye to Remus and stepping out into the night air, wondering where Sirius was. She checked a variety of places, asked some of their friends, but no one knew a thing. He certainly wasn't at Peter's flat. The place was deserted She searched through the night and into the morning. The next day just after sunrise, she was still looking, and stopped by Tien's flat. As soon as she answered the door, Tien fixed Samantha with a look so full of pity that Samantha knew she had her news.

"He's been taken to Azkaban," whispered Tien. "Dozens of witnesses saw him kill thirteen people."

Samantha blinked. It wasn't a very funny joke. But then she saw the article on the shelf, saw Sirius's face on front page news, and she sobbed, turning and Apparating home right away, where she found Remus waiting for her, a cup of tea ready for her, and the saddest look she could imagine upon his face.

"No," she whispered. "No, he didn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't, Remus."

"Sam, I... I didn't want to believe it, but there were witnesses."

"Witnesses can be fooled," snapped Samantha.

"Dozens of witnesses," he sighed. "Sam, there's nothing you can do. He's gone."

"No!" she wailed. "No, Remus!"

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, moving to hold her, but she backed away.

"Stay away from me," she hissed, and his eyes darkened, his shock and sadness apparent. With a great, shaking sob, Samantha rushed into the cold air, Remus grabbing her arm just as she Disapparated, travelling with her. They arrived at a bridge and Remus gasped.

"Sam, no!" he moaned. "Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing."

"Says the man who almost jumped off a roof when I dumped him!" she shrieked.

"I was a kid!" he yelled back. "And I didn't jump. It hurt, but I moved on because people cared about me."

"I don't care if people care about me! My entire existence was built around Sirius and his loving me."

"So start over," pleaded Remus.

"I already did," she whispered. "I don't have the willpower to do it again."

The words were truer than she had remembered. She had never told anyone about the life she did remember having before her supposed amnesia episode. She had wanted to rebuild, to start over, and that was fine. Sirius had made it all fine. Now there was no family, no Sirius… nothing. Nothing was fine anymore, and she didn't want to rebuild again, to start over again.

Remus shook his head, obviously thinking he understood but not knowing anything at all, and before he could react, she had flung herself over the edge of the railing into the river below, Remus's screams echoing in her ears as she plunged to her death.

/-/

In a hospital in London, three people sat in a room with a doctor, the mother crying, being comforted by her daughter, while the father held his head in his shaking hands.

"I don't understand," he whispered. "She was doing so much better. It's been years, but you said she was getting better. How did this happen?"

"Like much of your daughter's case, Mr. Collins, we're not certain. Somehow, the autopsy is completely conclusive that she drowned, but that's not remotely possible. She's been receiving fluid from IVs, and we've been sponge bathing her throughout the coma. There's no way she could have drowned. She never left her bed."

"Then how did it happen?" said the girl who was holding her mother. The tone was demanding, as if she blamed the hospital. It wasn't unusual. Many people who lost loved ones found it easier to blame the hospital than nature, or whatever the actual cause of death was.

"We're not sure, but we promise to investigate this further."

"I just can't believe she's not coming back," whispered Mr. Collins as he ushered his wife and daughter out of the room. A young man came in for the file in front of the doctor.

"File it away and don't bother wasting resources on it," said the doctor sharply, dropping the sympathetic manner he had used with the Collins family. The young man's jaw dropped a little.

"But sir - "

"Don't argue. Samantha Collins took up far too much of our time and money while alive. There's no point wasting more on her now that she's dead. Her family will give up after a few years. We've all certainly got better, more productive things to do with our time and energy. It's time they moved on."

/-/

Twelve years after the war ended, seventeen years before the strange death of a young woman would occur in a London hospital, a shadow of the man Sirius Black used to be sat before Albus Dumbledore, having just explained his incredible story of how he had gotten from the playful, pranking Marauder to the broken, desperate man before him. The story was crazy, absolutely mad, but it all added up in way the popular story never had, and Albus found that he believed him. Now how to save his soul?

Albus got up and crossed to the door, a plan forming in his mind.

"Wait," croaked Sirius. Albus turned. "Sami? How is she?"

For a moment, Albus thought of lying, of avoiding the question, anything to keep Sirius from feeling even more hopeless. After all, if the plan worked, Sirius would still need to willingly run, and would he do that if he knew that truth? Still, he would find out soon enough, if he kept his soul. With a sigh, Albus said, "She died."

Sirius's already sad face drained of color and his hands began to shake.

"When? How?"

Albus shook his head.

"When she learned of your arrest, she drowned herself, despite Remus's efforts to save her. He pulled her out of the river himself and did everything he could think of to revive her, but it was already too late. I'm very sorry, Sirius."

Sirius just swallowed and nodded.

Albus bowed slightly and left. Sirius needed a moment alone to grieve, and Albus needed Miss Granger's time-turner...

**A/N: And you all know what happens next! :D I've had this ending written for ages, hence the remarkably quick update. I've always known how it would end, and I really hope you like it, all though I expect some of you won't, maybe even most of you! Feel free to ask questions, give me your thoughts! I'd love to know what you guys think and what I can improve on for future stories!**

**It's been a great ride!**

**-J**


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